1. Yesterday, I had a bad day. And the thing is this — I don’t often have bad days. I’m just not one of those people who wakes up some days in a bad mood for no reason and starts kicking the dogs and crying at the drop of a cup of milk.
Not that I kicked my dogs or anything, but man, I kind of wanted to. Everything made me angry and several things made me cry.
Like, do you ever bonk your head on an open kitchen cabinet and instead of just saying, “Ugh,” and closing it up before continuing on your way, every muscle and fiber of your being screams out at you to slam that motherlover shut as hard as you can, swear some really atrocious swear words, and then shoot a glass of wine at 9:30 in the morning?
THAT was what I was like yesterday.
All, “Watch out, Earth and all ye creatures and kitchen cabinets therein. I AM HAVING A BAD DAY.”
Last week, I left the microwave door open (it sits up high in my kitchen), walked by it, bonked my head on it so hard that the door slammed shut, and then almost peed my pants from laughing so hard at myself. If that microwave had accosted me yesterday, I’d be buying a new microwave today to replace the one I destroyed in a murderous, golf club-swinging Hulk-rage.
[awkward kung fu nine iron moves]
I’m feeling much better today. But I think my husband might be wondering if I need therapy.
I don’t. I just need the kitchen cabinets to effing behave themselves.
2. Nine times out of ten, the Suckitude would probably lose to the Yankees, but here’s a way they can beat them. Led by Andrew McCutchen, the Pirates are competing against other MLB teams for a $200,000 Pepsi Refresh grant. The Pirate’s idea is to plant an urban garden in Pittsburgh and to use the garden to supply various nonprofit local agencies that feed the hungry.
It takes like half a second to vote. I timed it. I was all “One Mississ– THAT WAS FAST!”
Go vote! We might suck at baseball, but one thing Pittsburgh does not suck at is mobilizing our troops to benefit needy Burghers.
3. Love this from WPXI.
Naked Man Hospitalized After Oakland Window Fall
PITTSBURGH — A naked man who either fell or was pushed from a window in Oakland has been taken to a Pittsburgh hospital. Authorities said the unidentified man, who wasn’t wearing any clothes and wasn’t breathing, was found along North Craig Street late Thursday morning.
Naked in the headline. Naked in the first line. And then just in case you weren’t convinced — “who wasn’t wearing any clothes.”
In other words, NAKED.
5. Dear Craigslist What The Effie, next time “ISO sandbox with lid” would really really suffice.
6. This is so cool. Finding awesome, affordable uses for a giant empty community swimming pool!
7. The Sewickley Herald made it onto David Letterman for this HILARIOUS police blotter article. Check it out.
What the crap kind of “profanity” does a two-year-old know? When my kids were two, profanity would have been, “You’re a giant stupidhead and your butt smells like poop!”