Monthly Archives: August 2010
The end is near.
Saturday is looking to be a fantastic day. Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday can kiss my hot sweaty ass.
Bring on the football weather. Bring on the do-me boots weather. The cute little scarf weather. The turtleneck weather. The pumpkin spice weather. Chili weather. Changing leaves. Crisp air. Clean lungs. Chilled ears. Brisk wind. Rosy noses.
Bring it all on, because this chick’s had it with Hades.
News hit yesterday that Troysus Polamalu’s head of divine hair was insured for $1 million by Head and Shoulders.
Troysus Polamalu uttered the words “J.Lo’s insured butt” to the media?! I’m having trouble believing this.
I’m also having trouble coming to terms with this:
Taking 45 minutes pregame to care for his hair has become a ritual for the all-pro safety, who explains, “It’s correlated to what a warrior in the past would do to prepare for war. You have the Mongolians, the Japanese Samurai, the Spartans–all of these warriors with long hair…and in that way you can almost get into the mind-way, preparing for some type of battle when you are doing your hair.”
Hmm. I could use this. Instead of saying to my waiting husband, “Just give me 30 minutes to do my hair,” which would result in an eye-roll, I will say, “Just give me 30 minutes TO PREPARE FOR WAR [awkward samurai warrior sword moves].”
Also, now that Troysus’ locks are insured, I’m thinking there are some other things in Pittsburgh that need to be insured, like Julie Bologna’s entire wardrobe. Because what would we do without the pizazz, the sparkle, the zing, the flair, the SWEET BABY JESUS I AM BLIND? Like Jeff Jimerson’s vocal chords, Daniel Sepulveda’s ENTIRE PERSON, and Max Talbot’s pointer finger.
For the shushing.
Also, the Steelers might want to wise up and insure Steely McBeam’s life, because I totally plan to take it.
WINNER: Comment #100 was selected by Random.org, belonging to reader Katie, who has been notified of her winnings.
It has been a while since we’ve had a giveaway here at That’s Church so let’s go ahead and do something about that, shall we?
This one worth a whopping FIVE HUNDRED DOLLARS.
What: Two VIP tickets, worth $250 each, to Gridiron Gaming benefiting UPMC Rehabilitation Institute hosted by Steeler Max Starks and a group of starting Pittsburgh Steelers. This fun-filled evening is a great opportunity to mingle with left-tackle Max Starks and an impressive group of starting Pittsburgh Steelers. Additionally, guests will have the chance to challenge a Steeler to one of the interactive video games used in patient rehabilitation at UPMC. Gourmet tailgate-themed cuisine will complement the game-day atmosphere, and guests are welcome to discover the many exciting technological advances used in rehabilitation.
UPMC Rehabilitation Institute strives to improve quality of life for individuals with disabilities in our community.
Where: Heinz Field, East Club Lounge
When: Monday, September 20, 2010 from 7:00 – 9:30 p.m. with an exclusive VIP reception from 6:00 p.m. – 7:00 p.m. As a VIP ticket holder, you can attend that VIP reception which includes an autograph session! YAY, YOU!
I wonder if Tyler Grisham will show up? That’d be sweet and swoony. Swoony is not a word, but there is no other word that works there.
To enter! This is going to be a tough one, Burghers. Name your favorite Pittsburgh Steeler of all time. ALL TIME.
Preface your comment with, “Yo, Terry Bradshaw, I’ma let you finish, but …”
My favorite Steeler of all time on and off the field? Way too easy.
Leave a comment, one comment per valid email address and I’ll let Random.org pick the winning comment number tomorrow, Tuesday, August 31 at 5:00 p.m.
Good luck! Get me an autograph if you win!
If you don’t win … you can purchase tickets by calling 412-802-8256!
Son: “Mom, I have horrible news.”
Son: “It’s raining in the living room.”
I guess no mother gets through the child-rearing years without living room rain brought on by a toddler having fun overflowing an upstairs sink, right?
How was YOUR weekend?
2. Why I could never be employed by a newspaper. I’d have to write reviews that say things like this:
From the moment we first hear his booming voice, which reverberated throughout the Benedum, to the moment he disappears, he is simultaneously repulsive and alluring.
Instead of how I wanted to and did say it:
But then, near the end, there was the Phantom, desperate, no mask, scarred, a few random hairs poking out of his bald head, grotesque, singing his heart out, surrounding me with music, and I fell back in love with the psycho murderous freak of nature and switched teams. EFF RAOUL. RAOUL DOESN’T SURROUND ME WITH MUSIC.
3. I finally met Randy Baumann in person at the Meet Tassy event at the Priory last week. Looky!
Looky at Sally Wiggin, too!
And looky at my stupid glasses.
Cannot wait until this whole “contact overwear” business that my optometrist totally made up is done with and I can go back to my contact lens worship.
Also, that photo was taken with Randy’s iPhone camera and then he handed me his phone so that I could type in my email address to email it to myself.
I also typed in the subject and message.
I bet Randy never makes that mistake again.
4. Jeff Reed in contention as the best NFL player to EVER wear the number 3.
The mind. It boggles.
5. Ladies, the owners of Fun Party Stores launched an actual club you can join as a fan of the Steelers! Black n Gold Girls!
It includes meetups and member discounts as well as apparel. What an idea!
I hope the membership card is a shirtless picture of Tyler Grisham.
6. DID YOU SEE HIS CATCH LAST NIGHT?! He better make the damn team or I will have rage unseen since they cut Jeremy Bloom.
7. The stupidest site in all of the Internet, until www.cockroachauction.com goes live.
8. John Fetterman was invited back to the Colbert Report in an episode that aired last week.
Which is true. Did you see his hit on Kyle Orton yesterday? Boom goes the dynamite.
I attended the wedding of two friends in Market Square yesterday (which, a magnificent place to get married on a quiet, sunny Sunday), and the reception was hosted by us in Las Velas for the hundred or so guests. My father was the officiant for the ceremony, but his duties went above and beyond when prior to the wedding a pigeon violently committed suicide on the restaurant windows and landed in a beautiful, life-affirming dead heap on the sidewalk right where the bride would be walking out to the ceremony.
I’m pretty sure a dead pigeon is a good omen and that my friends will have a wonderful long marriage.
Also, dear Lukey, my dad said that he imagines you owe him at least $500 for this. You’re welcome!