So, where should we start?
Let’s start with the shoes:
These are sensible shoes. Virgin shoes. Never been kissed shoes.
I’m pretty sure these are Sophia Petrillo’s shoes and that if you click them three times and say, “There’s no place like home,” you wake up in Shady Pines.
Don’t get me started on the pantyhose.
Let’s look at my hands:
Why is there a wedding band on my hand? Why do I look pregnant? How can I look pregnant when I’m wearing my virgin shoes?
How about my hair? Would you like to see my hair?
That was the style back in the day that we dorks were rocking. You would take a curling iron, curl the very front part of your bangs back, then you would take a roll brush and then brush it back into a sexy roll that would frame the top half of your face. If this comes back in style, I would like to take credit for it because I make it look so damn attractive.
That’s virgin hair, for sure.
Would you like to see the whole picture?
Look how attractive my date looks, which by the way was a HUGE shock when he asked me to this dance, because he was quite popular in the school, and as you can see, I was … not.
I guess to the pale people of Denmark, I was somewhat of a dark, exotic, mysterious, virginal goddess.
Or he thought my mustache was sexy.
Who can know?
After you’re done laughing …
Okay, so we hit the $500 goal, and we march on to $1,000 which would be almost enough to purchase the gaming consoles and games for every child admitted to Children’s Hospital with a cancer diagnosis in one month’s time. That would be awesome. Here’s your sneak peak, which I will tell you that when I saw this picture as my mother and I rifled through a bunch of them tonight, I screamed, “IS THAT AN AFRO ON MY HEAD?! WHY DID YOU LET ME LOOK LIKE THIS?!? WHY DID YOU HATE ME SO MUCH?!?”
You wish you had that sweater in your closet.