Mullet.

Right now, you have donated $1,880 to Genre’s Kids With Cancer Fund. You reached $1,500 last night, but by the time I was able to get on my computer this morning, you’d jumped to $1,880.

Your reward is three pictures from my childhood that I think nicely illustrate the sheer magnitude of my dorkiness.

I am the dorkiest dork that ever did dork. Queen of Dork.

First up, the hair.

Yes, friends. I had a mullet. A fuzzy, sexy mullet that would make Joe Dirt jealous.  Why was that picture taken? I’m not doing anything exciting. Just stuffing my face, which if later pictures of my teen years are accurate, I got really good at doing. Mmmm, twinkies.

But why this picture? Do you suppose my father looked at me there, stuffing my pie hole, and said, “Man. She looks ridiculous. Look at that mullet. Someday, I want to remind her that she had a mullet. [CLICK!]”

Child abuse, is what that hair is. Child abuse.

Let’s move on to my athletic prowess as an early teenager.

You’ll notice the mullet is gone now, but the dorkiness is shining like the evil in a red pigeon eye.

I clearly recall this race. I clearly recall how much I sucked at running. So it’s kind of ironic that I’m raising money for a charity RUN. I recall that when the gun went off, I was in fourth place for the first two steps of the race and that I was thrilled by that. “[step] OMG. I’M IN THIRD! [step] FOURTH! PARTICIPATION RIBBON, HERE I COME! [step] Hello? Anybody out there?”

The sad part is that even though I look like I’m taking a leisurely jog with a turtle, I am, in that photo, exerting every single ounce of my athletic ability. That is what my 110% looked like.

Sadness.

And … commence laughter:

There I am, at 16-years-old. Sexy yellow pants up to my boobs and down to my virginal knees, what looks suspiciously like a mullet, and glasses that look like they may have belonged to my father or a wise old owl. But even at 16, I was dedicated to the black and gold. Notice how adorable and awesome my best friend looked. Look at her. Look at me. Look at her again. Now back to me. LOL.

So, the dork in me? I clearly didn’t get that from my mother because while she and I were hunting for terrible pictures of me in my youth, we stumbled upon this picture of her in HER youth. My mother, at 16:

WHAT IN THE NAME OF ALL THAT IS HOLY?!

Why is she adorable? Why is she pretty? Where are the glasses and the mullet and the mustache and the fashion sense of Richard Simmons?! WHERE OH WHERE IS THE FUG?!

Now, more than ever, I am convinced I was adopted.

I have now shared, what, five photographs that have completely erased the, I don’t even know the words to use here, “fake veil of awesomeness”?, that previously surrounded me. You have now seen me at my absolute worst. My absolute dorkiest. There are no secrets anymore.

But there’s this. I’d like it if we could give Genre $2,000. That’s only $120 more dollars and then I promise I will stop bugging you.

$2,000 is a nice round number. $2,000 would outfit two month’s worth of pediatric cancer diagnoses in Children’s Hospital of Pittsburgh. Two months of bright eyes and scared smiles.

If you haven’t already donated, just a few dollars would go a long way to filling that last $120.

Your generosity amazes me and I know it amazes Genre and his family.

Thank you, Pittsburgh.





45 Comments

  1. Andy
    August 5, 2010 10:09 am

    Awww the Mullet just shows that you’re a real Pittsburgher!
    I dread to think what we’ll look like and will think of how we look now in 20 years.
    Excellent fundraiser :) Good Job!



  2. BB
    August 5, 2010 10:11 am

    holy is your mom gorgeous! what an amazing photo! i hope it gets framed.



  3. mambo101
    August 5, 2010 10:14 am

    The fact of the matter is, no matter how you looked back then, you are a beautiful woman now.



  4. Biggest Fan
    August 5, 2010 10:14 am

    “…and glasses that look like they may have belonged to…a wise old owl.”

    So very very funny.

    Thanks for sharing and doing an awesome thing for the kiddies.



  5. Jaime
    August 5, 2010 10:18 am

    Ginny, I give you all the credit in the world for sharing these pics and everything you do for the ‘burgh!



  6. Tina
    August 5, 2010 10:23 am

    MAN … we are such an unlucky generation.

    I made the same experience.
    I look like a TOTAL DISASTER on my 80ies teenage pics.

    My mom on the other hand, in the age of 16 looks like a 6oies angel with the coolest asymetric hairstyle and her mod boyfriend on her side.

    WHY????? I just don’t know *sigh*

    Thanks for sharing, Ginny. And I am not kidding. First of all the money goes to the best place possible and on the other hand I (and some more people maybe as well) do not feel so awkward anymore about our own dorky 80ies pics. It’s that “You are NOT alone” feeling ;)

    I paid for the green sweater btw – was worth every Cent. Where is Amnesty International when it is time to safe kids from wearing sweaters like that?? :))

    I am sure the 2.000 $ will be there in a minute :)



  7. bucdaddy
    August 5, 2010 10:35 am

    I’d still hit it.

    Your mom, I mean.



  8. geeves
    August 5, 2010 10:50 am

    Why do you have a picture of Erik Estrada running on a track?



  9. Cnik
    August 5, 2010 10:52 am

    Erik Estrada? I thought it was Ralph Macchio :)



  10. Butcher's Dog
    August 5, 2010 10:57 am

    I’m with mambo101…you outgrew it! Which is a good thing. And the general trend of the posting should be a warning to all teens: all that time and effort and concern and energy you’re putting into the planning and the execution of the senior pictures now? In twenty years (give or take a few) your own kids will be howling in their ridicule-based glee at them. Just sayin’.



  11. Ex Ohio Sister
    August 5, 2010 10:59 am

    Mum was a looker. How come ALL of us were huge dorks? NOT fair!



  12. jj
    August 5, 2010 11:00 am

    I would’ve donated with or without the pics, Wednesday is payday, so it was perfect timing! Thanks for everything you do, you are what being a Pittsburgher is all about! You are amazing! :)



  13. Noelle
    August 5, 2010 11:06 am

    I’m going right now to JoAnne fabric to try and recreate that fabulous jacket your mother is wearing. The 60s were the best fashion era.



  14. Pa-pop
    August 5, 2010 11:11 am

    Your BFF was Julia Roberts? Get aht!



  15. SpudMom
    August 5, 2010 11:13 am

    Ginny, I’m pretty sure that if you’d spent three hours wrestling your hair into place and then cementing it there with a can of AquaNet you would have looked just as stunning at 16 as your Mom did. I say this because I see the same bone structure in your face.

    The real problem was the unfortunate hair and fashion choices. We all seem to have made those errors at some point in the late 80s/early 90s.



  16. Monty
    August 5, 2010 11:24 am

    My favorite part is that the other kids are running so fast they’re blurry, whereas you and the old duffer in the background with the starter pistol are as clear as a pair of eggplants in a still life photo.



  17. L-A
    August 5, 2010 11:37 am

    i had the same mullet…so, why can’t my hair look like yours does now?



  18. Melissa D
    August 5, 2010 11:40 am

    This is a wonderful thing you’re doing. :)

    And, the picture comparison is great! I’ve seen similar photos of my mom at 16. And I’ve got similar photos of me at 16. My mom’s photos scream ‘Beauty and Sophistication’ while my photos scream ‘look at that dork trying to be cool.’ Ha!



  19. Kathy
    August 5, 2010 11:48 am

    Man, your Mom was hot! Don’t let your dad read that comment. Mostly because he’ll smile and that will be more awkward for you than your 80s mullet.

    I’m SO happy that my Dad didn’t let me spray my hair when I was really young. But there are enough heavy metal haircuts from later to make up for it.



  20. John in the Rocks
    August 5, 2010 12:05 pm

    Ginny, your mom looks like she just stepped out of an episode of “Mad Men.” HAWT! :)

    As for your pics… well, um, hmmm… thank god the 80s are long gone.



  21. Jill
    August 5, 2010 12:13 pm

    Unfortunately we grew up in an era between coiffed, styled, teenagers (your mom) and today’s “straight teeth, contact lensed, acne free, straightened hair” youth. Fortunately, we have a great sense of humor withstood our “fugly adolescence!”



  22. bucdaddy
    August 5, 2010 12:14 pm

    My MiL has always thought it was funny to take pictures of people in their worst moments. She loves to catch us nodding off on the couch. I guess she thinks it’s funny or something. I’d say it’s because she’s a little tetched in the head these days, but it seems to me she’s always done it. Of course, maybe she’s just been tetched in the head much longer than I think.



  23. bucdaddy
    August 5, 2010 12:15 pm

    today’s “… straightened hair” youth.

    Jill@21: Apparently you have never seen Justin Bieber.



  24. Tina Fey
    August 5, 2010 12:27 pm

    I think I look the most like Mom. I’m just saying.



  25. Tina Fey
    August 5, 2010 12:31 pm

    Ginger, Dad is driving so he can’t post but he wanted you to know that he believes he took that picture of Mom. Also, he requests that you post a hot picture of him from the days of yore.



  26. red pen mama
    August 5, 2010 12:35 pm

    You certainly make your fundraisers interesting.

    I’m with all the commenters who say you’ve certainly outgrown the ’80s awkwardness. You’re as beautiful outside as in.

    I would hesitate to say the same about myself, although I clearly recognize that hair and those glasses, and some similar sweater disasters, from my own ’80s youth. Egads.

    Also, posting hot pics of your dad would be… awkward on a whole new level. You know how we ladies are.



  27. facie
    August 5, 2010 12:37 pm

    Seeing your pics actually makes me glad that most of my childhood ones went up in smoke. But, yeah, as others have said, you look great now, so that has to make it easier to laugh about it. You know, so we can laugh both with you and at you!



  28. Sooska
    August 5, 2010 12:55 pm

    Mom is gorgeous.

    Based on these photos and the relatively small scale (but not small importance) of the charity, I ask: Ginny, what photos are you possibly holding back? I can’ t imagine.



  29. Angry Mongo
    August 5, 2010 1:11 pm

    @bucdaddy Justin Bieber? You mean Hillary Swank, the teenage years.

    Oh, Ginny. You make me feel a little better for rocking the Richard Marx-ullet as a teen. And that was by choice, not some genetically defective follicles I was given by my parents.



  30. Amy L.
    August 5, 2010 1:12 pm

    I had the same haircut at 14. (Did all stylists fail those of us with curly hair in the 80’s? Did you ever wear one of those oversized bow-barrettes?) The same shorts and t-shirt at 16. The same glasses (in Sally Jessy Raphael red). The same, equally envied friends. A similarly lovely mother (dad was always kinda dorky, though). I’m so glad to know that I wasn’t the only one out there like that!



  31. Der Burghermeister
    August 5, 2010 1:16 pm

    The mom pic is fab on many levels. If indeed your future dad took that pic he must have have had a decent camera and lens, because the bokeh is top notch. Yes, you have to google it.

    Well done on the fundraising!



  32. burgher-licious
    August 5, 2010 1:37 pm

    A wise man once said “If you ain’t first, your last.” Well Ginny, looks like you were trying your hardest, but alas, still last. We all have those photos in our closets. I am one of 10 and our photos would make even Olin Mills cry.



  33. BeauJacques
    August 5, 2010 1:45 pm

    The hair & clothes styles change, (THANK GOD!) but you were very pretty then, and you are very pretty now! :-)



  34. bluzdude
    August 5, 2010 2:02 pm

    Pic 1: No worries… no one looks good eating.

    Pic 2: Don’t feel bad… the other runners look so much bigger than you. (or is that just because you were so far behind?)

    Pic 3: um… sorry… I got nothing. You look like a female Urkel… “Ferkel”.

    Mom pic: JohnintheRocks got there first… She’s direct from Mad Men.

    Still, the 80’s don’t have much on the 70’s, as far as bad fashion. I have more than enough photos to burn of me rocking some loud, plaid “Herb Brooks” pants. Not even Kodak could handle all those colors at once.



  35. AlonaJrney
    August 5, 2010 3:46 pm

    Laughing out loud -at some of these comments…
    @#16 Monty – I’m laughing but trying to hold it* in and keep my composure…@#34 bluzdude – could no longer laugh in a lady like manner! “female Urkel=Ferkel”? too funny!
    *pee



  36. Sue
    August 5, 2010 6:09 pm

    Just have to say that you may have looked scary at 16, but you look an awful lot like your beautiful mother now.



  37. Cassie
    August 5, 2010 6:14 pm

    OMG, are your glasses eating your face?

    I kid, I kid.

    Maybe.



  38. Steeler_Tom
    August 5, 2010 6:29 pm

    1. OMG! your mom really looked hot
    2. Your sense of humor is above reproach. (that in and of it’s self makes YOU hot!
    3. Every ugly duckling becomes a beautiful swann. (The proof is you did)
    4. Pimping the promise of posting pictues of yourself to raise money for different charities is waaaay unfair because I’m a huge sucker……(But effin smart as all get out)
    In all fairness the 60’s were awesome for women, the 80’s were bad no matter what sex you were. Thank god I was in the USAF during that time!
    Can I post those pics to my Facebook? Lol
    Thanks for the chuckle…



  39. Tina
    August 5, 2010 6:42 pm

    Do you guys know what “Ferkel” (female Urkel) means in my native language German?
    Just asking ;))))))



  40. Ginny's Dad
    August 5, 2010 11:43 pm

    The Mom is gorgeous and all the kids are dorks – I wonder who gets the blame? Hmmmm.

    Don’t bother looking for any hot pictures of me. They don’t exist.



  41. Boones Farm
    August 5, 2010 11:59 pm

    OK OK, you’ve posted your worst photos, now post your BEST photos so we can erase FOR ALL TIME, the dork photos from our brains.



  42. Tracy in SC
    August 6, 2010 7:42 am

    Mom is beautiful!

    The glasses: Sally Jesse Raphael.

    My hair at the time? The Brian Bosworth haircut. Seriously. Oh, I curled the top and fluffed and Aqua Netted it back, rocked the mullet, AND had it shaved above the ears with a stripe(!).

    By the way, you are my husband’s self-united wife. I think he loves you since seeing the pics of teenage you.



  43. Tracy in SC
    August 6, 2010 7:43 am

    Correction:

    I think he loves you MORE since seeing the pics of teenage you.



  44. Matt DC
    August 8, 2010 10:11 am

    Awfully nice of that stranger to stand next to you on the beach. In fact, you should convert that Ginny into one of those standup cardboard images, and charge tourists $10 to have their picture taken next to it.
    Also, I remember the 60s pretty well. They didn’t all look like that. The truth is Ginny’s mom was a certifiable babe.



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