News hit yesterday that Troysus Polamalu’s head of divine hair was insured for $1 million by Head and Shoulders.
Troysus Polamalu uttered the words “J.Lo’s insured butt” to the media?! I’m having trouble believing this.
I’m also having trouble coming to terms with this:
Taking 45 minutes pregame to care for his hair has become a ritual for the all-pro safety, who explains, “It’s correlated to what a warrior in the past would do to prepare for war. You have the Mongolians, the Japanese Samurai, the Spartans–all of these warriors with long hair…and in that way you can almost get into the mind-way, preparing for some type of battle when you are doing your hair.”
Hmm. I could use this. Instead of saying to my waiting husband, “Just give me 30 minutes to do my hair,” which would result in an eye-roll, I will say, “Just give me 30 minutes TO PREPARE FOR WAR [awkward samurai warrior sword moves].”
Also, now that Troysus’ locks are insured, I’m thinking there are some other things in Pittsburgh that need to be insured, like Julie Bologna’s entire wardrobe. Because what would we do without the pizazz, the sparkle, the zing, the flair, the SWEET BABY JESUS I AM BLIND? Like Jeff Jimerson’s vocal chords, Daniel Sepulveda’s ENTIRE PERSON, and Max Talbot’s pointer finger.
For the shushing.
Also, the Steelers might want to wise up and insure Steely McBeam’s life, because I totally plan to take it.