Chaka Khan called …

News hit yesterday that Troysus Polamalu’s head of divine hair was insured for $1 million by Head and Shoulders.

“It’s like J.Lo’s insured butt!” he jokes.

Troysus Polamalu uttered the words “J.Lo’s insured butt” to the media?! I’m having trouble believing this.

I’m also having trouble coming to terms with this:

Taking 45 minutes pregame to care for his hair has become a ritual for the all-pro safety, who explains, “It’s correlated to what a warrior in the past would do to prepare for war. You have the Mongolians, the Japanese Samurai, the Spartans–all of these warriors with long hair…and in that way you can almost get into the mind-way, preparing for some type of battle when you are doing your hair.”

Hmm. I could use this. Instead of saying to my waiting husband, “Just give me 30 minutes to do my hair,” which would result in an eye-roll, I will say, “Just give me 30 minutes TO PREPARE FOR WAR [awkward samurai warrior sword moves].”

Also, now that Troysus’ locks are insured, I’m thinking there are some other things in Pittsburgh that need to be insured, like Julie Bologna’s entire wardrobe. Because what would we do without the pizazz, the sparkle, the zing, the flair, the SWEET BABY JESUS I AM BLIND? Like Jeff Jimerson’s vocal chords,  Daniel Sepulveda’s ENTIRE PERSON, and Max Talbot’s pointer finger.

For the shushing.

Also, the Steelers might want to wise up and insure Steely McBeam’s life, because I totally plan to take it.





16 Comments

  1. Liz
    August 31, 2010 12:55 pm

    Since when did Lionel Richie become a hockey ref?



  2. Butcher's Dog
    August 31, 2010 1:00 pm

    Maybe insure all of Sid? Enough enemies want to shut him down. We could insure John Russell’s job. Oh, wait…that already happened. For a year, anyway. Lukey’s criticism filter-system, maybe? Just trying to think outside the box, here.



  3. CrashJK
    August 31, 2010 1:01 pm

    Won’t it make sense to insure his KNEES !?!? Since they seem to malfunction on a fairly regular basis ?….just sayin’….



  4. bluzdude
    August 31, 2010 1:18 pm

    I wonder if Troy can do that with his hair at will… like that spitting dinosaur Jurassic Park. He could be zeroing in on a ball carrier, whip off his helmet and then… ZINNNNNNGGGG!

    It would be worth the 15 yard penalty just to see the look on the ballcarrier’s face.



  5. Liz
    August 31, 2010 1:20 pm

    @CrashJK – H&S is probably paying him more than the Steelers….lol….



  6. JKR
    August 31, 2010 1:38 pm

    Julie Bologna’s wardrobe…..I laughed so hard at that. My husband and I watch and just laugh hysterically and wonder does she not have a mirror, or she just really mean to the wardrobe staff and that is how they repay her?



  7. CrashJK
    August 31, 2010 3:01 pm

    @Liz…..

    $15,375,000 during the 2008-2011 seasons in guaranteed money and roster bonuses if he is on the team. Tells me Sidney Crosby is WAY UNDER PAID !

    I don’t think H&S is paying that kinda of cash for a shampoo model, ymmv….



  8. Tracy @ The Chameleon's Backbone
    August 31, 2010 3:44 pm

    The wardrobe – that’s classic – or maybe just insure her be-dazzler. If Troy’s hair can be insured, then I think the Pirates should insure Sauerkraut Saul.



  9. Scott
    August 31, 2010 4:02 pm

    Is it just me or has Troy either been hurt or fairly lackluster ever since this silly Head and Shoulders endorsement started? I’m pretty sure all of the ancient warrior cultures he cites didn’t prance around selling shampoo. I don’t like it.

    JKR, couldn’t agree more about Julie the Baloney Pony’s “wardrobe”. My wife and I are convinced she rotates the same 3 outfits, all of them having an awkward-looking mid-torso belt.

    Darieth Chisolm on the other hand….holy cow is she a smokin’ hot hottie.



  10. Deby
    August 31, 2010 4:22 pm

    Okay…I’ve been reading this site since its inception, and read The Burgh Blog, too. So why don’t I know who Steely McBeam is? I’ve been too proud to ask…I even checked “The Lexicon.” Can someone please help me, here?



  11. Tina Fey
    August 31, 2010 4:48 pm

    Deby, Steely McBeam is the Steelers’ official mascot. He’s horrible and ridiculous on so many levels.



  12. Pensgirl
    August 31, 2010 4:50 pm

    Deby, Steely McBeam is the monstrosity of a “mascot” the Steelers created for their anniversary a few years ago. He’s all that is soulless and wrong, and he’s creepy to boot. Everyone hates him.

    Ken Rice should insure his senses of humor and style.

    I think Max’s mouth is what needs insuring. From shushing to making us laugh to hurling insults at opponents, it’s proven invaluable.

    Also, Sid’s tuchus puts J.Lo’s to shame, but I’d insure that work ethic of his above all else.



  13. Lauren
    August 31, 2010 4:51 pm

    Perhaps Julie Bologna’s wardrobe is behind your contact overwear syndrome. Change to a different station for a week or two and you’ll be fine. :)



  14. bucdaddy
    September 1, 2010 9:41 am

    Is that really Troy’s hair or did someone Photoshop that?

    REALLY?



  15. Lisa
    September 1, 2010 10:04 am

    Every morning ,my hubby and I look and say, this woman needs someone to go shopping for her. She needs to dress with the times, it makes me nuts! Look at the ladies on channel 4 now the dress styling. Julie, come into the 2000’s!



  16. SteelCityPride
    September 1, 2010 10:25 pm

    I totally hear you on Julie Bologna’s wardrobe. That hot pink shirt she wore last night to do the 11pm weather was frankly blinding me in the dark living room. I actually turned to my husband and said ‘that shirt is terrible’. Someone needs to turn the brightness down for early morning and late night forecasts.