Calibrating …

It’s not every day I give you ladies the information you need to stalk one of my very own self-united husbands, but today, I’m feeling generous.

I already told you that you can stalk David Conrad for free at the Jazz Poetry event on Sampsonia Way, and today, I’m here to tell you where you can stalk my most recent acquisition, True Blood‘s Joe Manganiello.

First, an aside. I get comments from time to time from trolls who have a problem that I have imaginary self-united husbands, because I am married to a flesh and blood husband. One going so far as to say, “I feel sorry for your children.”

You see, apparently, a ring on your finger is supposed to stop you from admiring beauty in the opposite sex. Because, don’t you know, when men get married they also become blind to hotness in women other than their wives. It’s true. They can’t see it. They see Gisele Bundchen and they’re all, “What monstrosity is this?! What hideous beast hast thou set before my eyes?! Away with it! Away with this grotesqueness and bring me my WIFE!”

Puh-lease.

Regardless, just this week, this comment came in from a reader who has a history of leaving trollish remarks on my site under different names but one IP address, and therefore his ass is banned because this one went a bit too far:

I guess not, but does it also need to have someone that may have seen the error of his ways and look for forgiveness to be constantly ripped by a deaf blogger that has to have her own ‘husbands’ to give her satisfaction she can’t get from her fat assed real one?

Whoa. I asked my self-united husbands what they thought about this comment:

David: Forsooth, oh, no he di’int!

Matt: I’d like to ram a Diplodocus bone up his —

Me: Temper.

Daniel: Isn’t he the guy who called you Jory Rand with tits and who wrote the comment about me “punting” you?

Me: Yep.

Daniel: I’m going to pray for that guy. And then I’m going to punt him. God wants me to. It’s in Malachi.

Me: Temper.

Joe: If I show you my abs, can I rip his head off?

Me: Temp –. [blink] Perhaps.

Me: Off with the head.

Boom.

Now, if you’d like to stalk Joe, you’ll need to get some tickets to the Steelers/Jets game in December!

“I’m going to the Jets game at home in December,” he told AccessHollywood.com of securing passes to cheer on his hometown team – The Steelers – in the highly anticipated match-up. “I’m gonna get a tour of Heinz Field as well. I’ve made it now!” he said with a laugh.

So if there’s one game I go to this year, this might be the one! I hope they let me take my Stalk-O-Meter into Heinz Field.

Also, my real life husband? Hot. Like hellfire.

(h/t Beth)





22 Comments

  1. Karen
    September 7, 2010 10:00 am

    I have seen/met your real-life husband and not only is he hot, the man can cook! That’s a hotness multiplier for me! Ignore the troll!



  2. BeauJacques
    September 7, 2010 10:04 am

    The blonde is OK, meh! :-)



  3. bucdaddy
    September 7, 2010 10:18 am

    I … I still don’t get the big deal about Gisele. If that’s her up there, that’s the best photo of her face I’ve ever seen (and she was probably made up to hell and back and the photo still had to be ‘Shopped to hell and back). The bangin’ bod I understand, but I can sit in front of the student union here for an hour and bet I’d see a dozen girls prettier than Gisele. I think she gets bonus points (probably 50, maybe 75) just for being Brazilian. Guys just hear “Brazil” and they envision 50 VS models* sunning nekkid on the beach at Rio and their temperature goes up, and so you say “Brazil” and they hear “Brasexxxxxxxx.”

    *–actually, most of them are kind of funny looking in the face, aren’t they? Not grotesquely so, certainly, but … they’re not going for girl-next-door pretty, are they? They look for something they think looks exotic. Doesn’t work much for me, but hey, to each his/her own.



  4. BeauJacques
    September 7, 2010 10:26 am

    Finally, a blonde joke for intellectuals:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-RbG1jHewWw



  5. red pen mama
    September 7, 2010 10:43 am

    I had a point until I got to that picture of the abs. Holy… Give me a minute.

    ++

    Oh, yeah. When I was looking at colleges a number of years ago, my father and I were in the fair city of Boston. We were sitting at an outdoor cafe for lunch when a couple of pretty co-eds walked by. My father followed them with his eyes, and I was all like, ‘DAD!’ His response: ‘Just because I’m on a diet doesn’t mean I can’t look at a menu.’ He’s been happily, faithfully married for 40 years now. I think looking at the menu can be a good thing!

    Now back to those abs.

    Holy…



  6. Monty
    September 7, 2010 10:47 am

    I’ve been wondering about this for awhile. Who’s jory rand, and why doesn’t she have tits?



  7. Deby
    September 7, 2010 11:09 am

    @bucdaddy: I’m obviously female, so I’ve resisted saying what YOU said about Gisele, for fear that it would be put down to “jealousy”. But I’ve long felt the same way. Don’t get it; she’s even a little man-faced in A LOT of the pictures. So, thanks.

    Virginia: You are an incredibly classy woman. I think I know about the “trollish commenter” of whom you speak – and whom you quoted. I think you take such things in terrific stride – the “cost of doing business”, if you will. So, to push you to the banning poing, well…what an asshole. One can disagree all one wants, but to get all personal like that? Un-Pittsburgh, if you ask me.



  8. Kathy
    September 7, 2010 11:34 am

    ummm, I don’t even understand the troll’s comments. Yay for showing us the best menu items Ginny! :D



  9. Magnus Patris
    September 7, 2010 11:52 am

    I think the troll might have seen me standing next to you in the lobby of the Benedum Center a couple of months ago and saw my fat ass and thought I was your husband. But the question is, why is he so busy looking at guy’s asses?



  10. Carpetbagger
    September 7, 2010 12:01 pm

    Gisele has way too much Tom-Brady-Patriot stank on her. And Patriot stank don’t never come off!



  11. Ms Redd
    September 7, 2010 12:02 pm

    Ginny- if the guys can have a fantasy football league, we gals can have our own– well, just fantasy!



  12. spoon
    September 7, 2010 12:09 pm

    Gisele needs a burger (not burgher).

    *sigh* i’m still going through AliMo detox



  13. Me
    September 7, 2010 1:08 pm

    You’re married, not dead. Your troll is a very, very, deeply unhappy person that much is clear.

    Thank you for the picture of Joe. Wow. Just wow.



  14. Lizzy
    September 7, 2010 1:35 pm

    Ok to the TROLL – I would have been all like “What….what’s that….Huh…I CAN’T hearrrr you” What a douche bag – for real, he’s probably sitting in his momma’s basement eating doritos and drinking dr. pepper, playing some sort of gaming system while trash talking people on his computer – real winner, right?!

    He’s rubbish, you ROCK!



  15. Legallypgh(Kathy)
    September 7, 2010 2:39 pm

    Now if only we can bring Tyler Grisham back to the Steelers….



  16. NerdHerd
    September 7, 2010 3:07 pm

    I don’t usually read your comments section, so I’m curious – did you get such nasty comments before you “came out”? Just seems like he takes it to a very personal level and I was wondering if he was so mean before your identity was revealed.



  17. Lisa
    September 7, 2010 3:34 pm

    Oh lordy, are those his veins on his stomach muscles??Lordy he is something pretty for these “old” married eyes!



  18. Andrea
    September 7, 2010 7:24 pm

    I just googled your husband. Yep. Smokin’ hot!



  19. Jamie
    September 7, 2010 9:55 pm

    totally just made that picture of joe the background on my laptop….so freakin hot



  20. BeauJacques
    September 8, 2010 5:20 am

    @Jamie-

    So did Scott!



  21. Steelerslover
    September 8, 2010 3:03 pm

    @bucdaddy @Deby
    I totally agree about Gisele, and bucdaddy the funny thing is, she was only raised in Brazil, she is actually 100% German. So tell people to stop the fussing!

    @Virginia I hope you take 4 more fake husbands by the end of the year..I think its fun, and I’m sure your husband does not mind at all!



  22. VAgirl
    September 10, 2010 2:45 pm

    Glad you got rid of the troll. I have been married 30+ and I do not mind if my hubby looks. Beauty is a wonder?