Today starts the 2010 season of NFL football, and I’m surprisingly looking forward to it. Because when Benny went down to Georgia and went all, “ALL YOU BITCHES” on Milledgeville, well, I couldn’t fathom caring at all about this season.
But I’m excited.
And I believe some things.
I believe Jeff Reed will have one run-in with the law before February 1, 2011. But I also believe he will be scarily accurate in his field goal kicking this year.
I believe our special teams will be sucky this year. I don’t know why. I just believe it. I hope not.
I believe Troysus will stay healthy this entire season.
I believe Dennis Dixon is going to choke. I hope not. But it’s what I believe.
I believe someone will comment to this post that I don’t know anything about football.
I believe Tyler Grisham will be called up for at least one game this season and he will make a fantastic catch and he will thump his chest two times on his number as a shout-out to me.
I believe I might be a bit delusional, but it’s what makes me lovable. Right? RIGHT?!
I believe the Steelers will beat Oakland this year.
I believe the Steelers will lose to New England and I will write a post in which I say nasty things about Tom Brady intimating that he is in bed with Beelzebub.
I believe the Steelers will lose four games this season.
I believe that at least one “What They’re Really Thinking” post this season will be another motivational poster edition.
I believe one opposing player will desecrate the Terrible Towel and will wake up the following morning with a hex upon his life that will only be removed by offering Primanti’s sacrifices to the ghost of Myron Cope.
I believe Benny will say “The Lord” in at least one post-game interview.
I believe that Mike Tomlin is going to realize his girth is expanding and is going to do something about it before he grows moobs.
I believe that Mike Tomlin will invent a word this season when words fail him. Something like “performination” or “demotivitize.”
I believe that Benny’s Fug-Bunnies will accuse me of harboring a grudge against him because he turned me down for sex at some point in my life.
I believe that sex with Benny would make me vomit.
I believe we will spot at least a dozen “She said no” posters in the stands during the season.
I believe we will win our division, but I don’t believe we will win the Super Bowl.
What do you believe?