I believe.

Today starts the 2010 season of NFL football, and I’m surprisingly looking forward to it. Because when Benny went down to Georgia and went all, “ALL YOU BITCHES” on Milledgeville, well, I couldn’t fathom caring at all about this season.

But I’m excited.

And I believe some things.

I believe Jeff Reed will have one run-in with the law before February 1, 2011. But I also believe he will be scarily accurate in his field goal kicking this year.

I believe our special teams will be sucky this year. I don’t know why. I just believe it. I hope not.

I believe Troysus will stay healthy this entire season.

I believe Dennis Dixon is going to choke. I hope not. But it’s what I believe.

I believe someone will comment to this post that I don’t know anything about football.

I believe Tyler Grisham will be called up for at least one game this season and he will make a fantastic catch and he will thump his chest two times on his number as a shout-out to me.

I believe I might be a bit delusional, but it’s what makes me lovable. Right? RIGHT?!

I believe the Steelers will beat Oakland this year.

I believe the Steelers will lose to New England and I will write a post in which I say nasty things about Tom Brady intimating that he is in bed with Beelzebub.

I believe the Steelers will lose four games this season.

I believe that at least one “What They’re Really Thinking” post this season will be another motivational poster edition.

I believe one opposing player will desecrate the Terrible Towel and will wake up the following morning with a hex upon his life that will only be removed by offering Primanti’s sacrifices to the ghost of Myron Cope.

I believe Benny will say “The Lord” in at least one post-game interview.

I believe that Mike Tomlin is going to realize his girth is expanding and is going to do something about it before he grows moobs.

I believe that Mike Tomlin will invent a word this season when words fail him. Something like “performination” or “demotivitize.”

I believe that Benny’s Fug-Bunnies will accuse me of harboring a grudge against him because he turned me down for sex at some point in my life.

I believe that sex with Benny would make me vomit.

I believe we will spot at least a dozen “She said no” posters in the stands during the season.

I believe we will win our division, but I don’t believe we will win the Super Bowl.

What do you believe?


  1. Lizzy
    September 9, 2010 11:38 am

    I believe Jeff Reed is HOTTT! :-)

  2. Noelle
    September 9, 2010 11:39 am

    I believe Lizzy has horrific taste in men and I believe I will have a beer with lunch.

  3. Matt
    September 9, 2010 11:43 am

    I believe the start of football season means hockey season is right around the corner!

  4. Carpetbagger
    September 9, 2010 11:48 am

    Why can’t I get stoked for another football season? I think it has something to do with the fact that I feel hypocritical criticizing players’ aggressive and violent behavior out in the world, and then screaming and face-painting and demanding the same behavior on the field for four months in the fall. I’m losing the ability to compartmentalize. I’m losing the ability to flip a switch from unacceptable to suddenly acceptable. I know that most players are able to differentiate and turn off that switch. It’s just that I can’t do it as fast as I used to. I can’t condemn violent behavior in one circumstance and then rabidly anticipate it in another.

    I’m not condemning those of you who can. Really, I’m not. And maybe I’m just preparing myself for next year’s lockout, when billionaires will argue with millionaires over billions of dollars before settling and raising ticket prices. I’m not saying I’m out this year. I’m just halfway toward the door, and decidedly not as excited as in past years.

    I’ll go apply for my French passport now.

  5. Andy Van Slick
    September 9, 2010 11:59 am

    I can’t believe I’m actually having trouble getting excited for football this year. Thanks Ben!

  6. Lizzy
    September 9, 2010 12:03 pm

    @Noelle – Minus the electrocuted hair look, he’s not a bad looking guy – could be a little taller, better than Ben but not as good as Daniel! Sorry my post drove you to drink -haha – Drink one for me!

  7. bucdaddy
    September 9, 2010 12:15 pm

    I will write a post in which I say nasty things about Tom Brady intimating that he is in bed with Beelzebub.

    I wrote the other day that I don’t think Gisele is all that, but even I think that’s a little over the top.

  8. Suburban Mom
    September 9, 2010 12:15 pm

    I, for one, will not bring a “She said no” sign to Heinz Field. My sign, which I will bring to Game 5, and proudly display from Section 137 will exclaim, “HEY Big Ben Meet Me in the Ladies Room …..so I can smack you upside your head!”

  9. Magnus Patris
    September 9, 2010 12:27 pm

    @Suburban Mom, sounds like that’d make a great t-shirt. I expect to see them on sale in The Strip this weekend.

  10. Me
    September 9, 2010 12:33 pm

    I think a dozen “She said no” signs is a very low estimate. I expect that many from Steelers fans. Away games are going to be loud with that chant, I’m afraid. Especially in Baltimore.

  11. Ex-Pat Pittsburgh Girl
    September 9, 2010 12:37 pm

    Baltimore fans will be brutal for Ben. I’ll be going to the Saints game on Halloween in New Orleans. That should be a good one.

  12. mis
    September 9, 2010 12:41 pm

    I believe this post is hilarious! Thanks!!! I needed that today.

  13. JennyMoon
    September 9, 2010 12:43 pm

    I believe that children are our future..teach them well and let them lead the way…show them all the beauty they possess insiiiiiide….

    all together now!

  14. Virginia
    September 9, 2010 12:44 pm

    JennyMoon wins, I think.

  15. facie
    September 9, 2010 1:04 pm

    I believe there is no way I will again finish in 8th place in fantasy football this year. This also means I believe that Grandpa’s ankle (and old body in general) will hold up.

    I am glad I am not the only one who noticed Tomlin becoming so much more than Tomlin lately. He must have taken some of Benny’s weight.

  16. SusanV
    September 9, 2010 1:21 pm

    So I’m not the only one who noticed Tomlin’s been eating too many Rice Krispy Treats? :-)

  17. Monty
    September 9, 2010 1:28 pm

    I believe:

    1. Beer tastes best from a can.
    2. SpongeBob is an asshole.
    3. Every “Real Housewives of” cast has at least one housewife who was born a man.
    4. Sons of Anarchy will end up being better than the Sopranos.

  18. Noelle
    September 9, 2010 1:34 pm

    Ok Lizzy, you make a point, he’s not revolting. :) However, HOTTT is not a word I would use. Unless you are into that Guidoish, over-tan, self-important Jersey Shore kinda look. Never did get that beer…

  19. bluzdude
    September 9, 2010 1:43 pm

    I believe James Harrison will be held on approximately 30 plays a game without getting the call.

    I believe Max Starks will hook guy one time under the arm and get called on it.

    I believe Mike Wallace will have over 10 TDs this year, if the QB can stop under-throwing him.

    I believe the Ravens will win the first game against the Steelers and gloat about it unmercifully, dismissing any talk about beating our 3rd string QB again. And if they lose, they will blame the referees. Or their schedule. Or the field.

    I believe my favorite part of football season is the weekly edition of “What They’re Really Thinking.”

  20. Noelle
    September 9, 2010 1:46 pm

    I also believe that my new kitten is actively trying to kill me.

  21. GreenTree Gal
    September 9, 2010 2:20 pm

    I believe that Styx’s “Renegade” will be played ad nauseum for another whole Steelers season.

  22. Baba Wawa
    September 9, 2010 2:37 pm

    i believe we will be talking about snowmageddon 2 in february

  23. unsatisfied
    September 9, 2010 3:51 pm

    I don’t believe in beatles.

    I just believe in me.

    yoko and me.

    and, that’s reality….

  24. Pa-pop
    September 9, 2010 4:22 pm

    Has Omar Epps been putting on weight, too? Just askin’.

  25. Jann
    September 9, 2010 4:22 pm

    Where is that “football looks really gay” picture at the beginning of this post from?

  26. Steverino
    September 9, 2010 4:37 pm

    I believe football is really, really, REALLY gay! Hooray!

  27. Noelle
    September 9, 2010 5:06 pm

    Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

  28. PK
    September 9, 2010 5:30 pm

    Echoing Matt, CarpetBagger and Andy Van Slick I believe that thanks to certain players’ off-field antics for the past year that this will be the first time that the Pens surpass the Steelers as the ‘Burgh’s Most Hallowed Team.

    Especially after watching Crosby (Sid, not the former Bucco) hit one into the river, and after people seeing the Pens deliver pizzas to the kids waiting for student rush tickets, and after the Pens visit Children’s Hospital during the holidays, and after the “Letang is Sex” t-shirts start appearing in the Con’…

    …well, you get the picture.

  29. Vivian formerly NY Luvs Pitts
    September 9, 2010 6:29 pm

    I believe!!!!

  30. bucdaddy
    September 9, 2010 11:56 pm

    I believe in the sweet spot etc. etc. etc. Lee Harvey Oswald acted alone etc. etc. etc. Susan Sontag etc. crap etc. etc. long, slow, deep, soft, wet kisses that last three days.

    Good night.

  31. YinzerInExile
    September 10, 2010 8:53 am

    I believe that nothing has ever sucked so hard as last night, sitting next to a Falcons Fan, and admitting that I’ll probably just watch the game from my Georgia residence rather than going to my preferred local Stillers bar because I’m already anticipating weeping and I won’t let ANY ATLANTA SPORTS FAN see me cry.

  32. spoon
    September 10, 2010 9:28 am

    bucdaddy, rose goes in the front big guy

  33. spoon
    September 10, 2010 9:35 am

    I believe the Steelers will go 5-11
    I believe the Pens will win the Stanley Cup
    I believe that Duquesne Pilsner is the WORST beer ever made.
    I believe the cast of Jersey Shore should be ran over by a truck.
    I believe if you’re a dude and drink corona with a lime, any malt alternative beverage or something made with lime that isn’t a margarita, you’re a douchebag.
    I believe if you’re a chick who dates a dude as mentioned above you probably have fake boobs and a tan.
    I believe Dan Onorato is going to lose in November and should be forced to work at Steak n Shake.

  34. Sara
    September 10, 2010 9:45 am

    @YinzerInExile – Where is your local Stillers bar? I am also exiled in Georgia, and while I won’t be around to watch this weeks game, knowing where to go next week would be amazing!!

  35. bucdaddy
    September 10, 2010 10:02 am

    I believe that Duquesne Pilsner is the WORST beer ever made.

    Thanks for the heads-up. If I’d seen it I would have been tempted to try.

    *breathes through eyelids*

  36. Ms Redd
    September 10, 2010 10:04 am

    I believe that I will live long enough to see the Pirates get to the playoffs one more time (I don’t dare wish for the World Series). That should allow me to anticipate a long, long life!!

  37. Andy Van Slick
    September 10, 2010 10:21 am

    @ PK – I’m definitely more excited / fired-up for the Pens season to begin. The last couple of years, anticipation for the Steelers and Pens has been equal for me, but the Pens have supplanted them this year.

  38. YinzerInExile
    September 10, 2010 2:18 pm

    Sara — My sincere condolences. If it helps, I know of places in Augusta and Savannah:

    In Augusta — Somewhere in Augusta (like, that’s the name of the place) generally has a respectable Pittsburgh turnout. This is my current haunt for non-market games, so if you share my city of exile and you happen to see a smallish girl in a Polamalu throwback keeping a vigilant lookout for Palmetto bugs, do say hi.

    In Savannah (where I last experienced relative joy since leaving Pittsburgh) — Coach’s. There’s usually a clot of Pittsburghers camped in the back room together, delightfully monopolizing the big screen. And their wings are awesome.

  39. Summer
    September 10, 2010 8:57 pm

    Screw football this year. Is it October yet?

  40. Ryan
    September 12, 2010 4:44 am

    I believe the Steelers will make the playoffs.

    I also believe I will drink a lot of beer regardless of whether or not the Steelers win every week.