Today I had a meeting with some very charming employees of Chatham University, and while I sat at a window seat in Las Velas awaiting their arrival, a window seat that overlooks Market Square down below, I noticed something.
I noticed that there were a lot of pigeons milling about, perhaps 70 or so spread quite randomly throughout the entire square, from corner to corner. I then noticed that every single pigeon, EVERY SINGLE PIGEON, didn’t matter if it was a pigeon standing near the Oyster House or a pigeon standing by Dunkin Donuts, didn’t matter if it was a pigeon in the middle of eating a stale donut or a pigeon terrorizing a baby. EVERY SINGLE PIGEON at the same time began slowly walking in the same direction, toward one corner of Market Square.
Calmly, slowly, no urgency, all moving at the exact same speed, all nonchalant-like, all, “Doodle doodle dee dum dum. Nothing to see here. Just a whole bunch of pigeons walking around. Not doing much of anything. Not planning anything. Doodle doodle dum dum dee. Just gonna walk this way. No reason. Just feel like it.”
It wasn’t as if someone dropped some puke on the sidewalk or anything and they were all frantic to reach it.
It was methodical.
It was creepy.
It was the weirdest thing I have ever seen. It was as if they were being paged or called or phoned home, or worse yet, remote controlled.
So long story short, the bastards are up to something in Market Square and if it involves my restaurant, I will choke a pigeon bitch.
[awkward kung fu moves]