What They’re Really Thinking: Buccahoes edition

(Note to self: Stop scheduling meetings on Monday morning as it greatly interferes with your ability to offer a timely WTRT. KTHXBAI, self. Also, self, while I have you here, setting your alarm for 5:30 this morning was hilariously ambitious. Snoozing it for 2 full hours, well, that’s a new record. Bravo, self. Bravo.)

So in an effort to lose ten very pesky jerky butt-faced butt pounds, I downloaded the Lose It app onto my iTouch (ITOUCH ITOUCH ITOUCH IS NOT A WORD BUT I’M STILL GOING TO CALL IT ITOUCH TO PISS YOU APPLE GEEKS OFF).

The idea is that you record every single calorie you put into your mouth, and here’s something I learned. Everything has calories. If I throw a handful of fishie crackers into my mouth, I have to record it. Every chip. Every apple. Every half box of swiss rolls.

So yesterday when the family headed to Wexfordshire to watch the game at Princess Aurora’s castle, imagine my displeasure to discover a spread of homemade macaroni and cheese, buffalo chicken dip, hummus, chili, chips, salsa, cheese dip, and apple crisp with ice cream. No way was I inputting all of that into Lose It to do the math because I’m pretty sure I hit my recommended daily intake of calories as soon as I inhaled the air in her kitchen.

GOSH DARN FOOTBALL MAKING ME DIETFAIL.

But let’s talk football.

1. Going into this game, Tampa was undefeated, which is shocking because it’s the Tampa Bay Buccaneers, and the Steelers were also undefeated, which is shocking because our franchise quarterback (again, whatever the hell that means) is on a big time-out, and we are going through quarterbacks like Skippy Skeeve through a box of condoms. Or a bucket of Valtrex.

2. Charlie Batch’s first toss was an interception and my whole family said this. “Charlieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.”

It was like a half gag/groan. Charlieeeeeee[gag]eeeeeeeeeegrrrrrrr.

I think Charlie heard us all the way in Tampa.

But I didn’t throw up in my mouth when he threw the interception. Because I didn’t want to have to add it to my daily caloric intake.

3. Brett The Diesel Keisel, or as I like to call him, Grizzly Adams,

That’s just uncanny.

Grizzly ran a ball 79 yards for a touchdown, which when a defensive end is running a distance, you kind of want to do the dog years thing and multiply it by 7.

So Brett Keisel running 79 yards really felt like to him that he ran 553 yards. Which is why he wanted oxygen so badly.

Look at the Tampa coach. He is either refusing to watch the touchdown be scored or he cannot tear his eyes from the Tampa cheerleaders, who I believe are called the Tampa Bay Buccasluts:

Buccahoes? Buccahookers? Buccatramps? Buccawhores?

4. Speaking of the Buccafloozies, this from reader Karen:

Went to the Steeler Game in Tampa and let me tell you, I LOVED when our Steeler Fans booed the hell out of the Tampa Buc Cheerleaders.  They started a big dance number in the endzone mere feet from where Ike Taylor was lying hurt on the field. It sounded like we were in Pittsburgh.

You stay classy, Buccaprostitutes.

What? I ran out of words for slut.

Here’s an article about the incident.

5. I bet Jeff Reed never runs out of words for slut.

6. As I have been writing this post, I have been interrupted over a dozen times by various matters, children, pets, phone calls, etc. I need to find a coffee shop.

7. I found liquor. That’ll do.

8. My sister’s house exploded when Charlie Batch connected with Mike Wallace for the first touchdown. Exploded. What an amazing throw. An amazing catch. And thank God the defender didn’t bother to turn around and look for the ball.

Internet, Mike Wallace is super hot and there are not nearly enough pictures of him without his helmet. These are the only two I found, the first from Whirl Magazine.

Amazing what poor lighting can do, no?

9. Charlie Batch just got better and better as the first half progressed. He seemed to be throwing at the knees a bit, but gradually began really hitting numbers, even in traffic. And when he took off running, well, I tell you, Benny who?

BENNY WHO, PITTSBURGH?!

10. What are the chances if Charlie plays like that next week, that Coach benches Benny against the Browns?

Oh, ok.

Forget I asked.

I GET IT. Forget I asked.

11. We interrupt this WTRT for a public service announcement.

This is a pirate mascot:

This is a pirate mascot on meth:

Any questions?

12. Rashard Mendenhall has really gone from Willie Parker to Jerome Bettis, hasn’t he? At least to me he has. I mean, he used to be incapable of gaining yardage after he was touched, kinda like Willie Parker often was, but now, he practically runs with players hanging onto him for dear life.

Literal riding of the shirt tails there.

13. Everything clicked. Everything worked. Even the interceptions ended up not mattering that much.

Charlie had something to prove, seeing as he wasn’t even in contention as a go-to guy, and he proved it. He proved he IS a go-to guy.

He proved he still has it. He proved he still wants it. He proved once again, we can win without Benny.

The difference this time? It wasn’t ugly.

It was pretty.

It was downright gorgeous.

Like this guy:

I’d lick my screen, but God only knows how many calories that would be.





56 Comments


  1. Kaylee
    September 27, 2010 7:00 pm

    You joked last week about Ben having a voodoo QB doll of Dixon and Leftwich- I think Charlie is the controller of the doll. And I don’t think I mind one bit.

    My favorite part of the game was when Troy was on the sidelines and caught a ball that went out of bounds. He gracefully leaped for and then looked embarassed when he was cheered for it.



  2. Fester (formerly NW PA Joe)
    September 27, 2010 7:03 pm

    The chances that Ben will not start against the Browns is about negative infinity. Nothing against Charlie (in fact, he is an awesome burgher as you would say) but Tampa wasn’t exactly playing Rod Woodson and Mel Blount back there.



  3. Monty
    September 27, 2010 7:25 pm

    This was hilarious. But I can’t figure out how to react to the Hershey’s Kiss hairdo. It’s like he has a Greek Orthodox church on his head.



  4. Katie
    September 27, 2010 7:27 pm

    I’d like to write something witty and complimentary regarding this lovely post, but alas, all I can say is…

    How did I not know this about Mike Wallace? Yow.



  5. Ex Burgher in WI
    September 27, 2010 7:27 pm

    Ginny, you were right- I had been checking all day and this post was worth the wait.



  6. mcf
    September 27, 2010 7:34 pm

    between yummy mike wallace and the yummy letang moments it was indeed a very lovely weekend for the female pittsburgh sports fan .. or at least for me

    @Monty – I like to think of it as Cristiano Ronaldo hair:
    http://bit.ly/aqMPkx

    ummm…yeah, what was i saying…. hmmm, suddenly very distracted



  7. Me
    September 27, 2010 7:44 pm

    It was worth the wait — well done!

    (The Mike Wallace lighting bit made me laugh out loud.)



  8. Noelle
    September 27, 2010 7:48 pm

    AGAIN with the cheap pleather go-go boots. Who is the supplier of these things?

    I’d kill to see these buccabinbos in stilettos, all sinking into the turf, twisting ankles and shiz. I need another glass of wine just to push though these emotions…



  9. Noelle
    September 27, 2010 7:48 pm

    buccabiMbos. Sorry.



  10. YinzerInExile
    September 27, 2010 7:49 pm

    1. Mike Wallace, on the heels of LeTang Sex Everything = my day: made.

    2. I’m kind of impressed that your fam’s house exploded on that first touchdown. Was it immediate explosion? Did you not do the thing that me and the other random Steeler fan at the bar (who is actually from Rochester, but chose well in his youth, apparently) which was this: *crickets* . . . *blink, blink* . . . *exchange cautiously optimistic glance* . . . *search screen furtively for indication of a flag* . . . “was that . . . ? Did I miss them subbing Leftwich? Or . . or . . . No. Did _CHARLIE BATCH_ SERIOUSLY JUST FLOAT A 40 YARDER INTO THE HANDS OF MIKE WALLACE????? For a score??? Which STUCK!?!??”

    And by the time we mutually (but independently) exploded they were well into the next play.



  11. Noelle
    September 27, 2010 7:52 pm

    Buccahoochie?



  12. YinzerInExile
    September 27, 2010 7:55 pm

    I feel compelled to add:

    3. Go Charlie. For serious. It makes me so effing happy that he got a chance to show what he’s capable of. Because he is the anti-primadonna, and he understands that his role is to be an insanely kickass backup and he does not fuss or toss his hair indignantly, and I’m pretty sure that they showed him holding his son, after SB XLIII, and that said son was outfitted in a #7 jersey which is the ultimate non-primadonna goodguyness (or else a very excellent fantasy which I just made up). And anyway, I just think it’s awesome that he’s awesome. And easy on the eyes.



  13. KKinLA
    September 27, 2010 8:01 pm

    First, thanks for making me snarf my Pepsi with the Mike Wallace/Mike Wallace photos! OMG. Funny!

    I’d like to offer up Buccaskanks to the list.

    And finally, husband and I looked at each other and said, “that sounds like a home game!” because the crowd was so loud for our side! A few years ago, we trekked down to San Diego to see the Sunday night game, and the atmosphere was the same. Jammed to the gills with Steelers’ fans. It is just so darned AWESOME that we travel to support our team!

    Go Charlie!



  14. Beth
    September 27, 2010 8:01 pm

    Helmet, schmelmet. There aren’t enough pictures of Mike Wallace with his SHIRT off.

    Buccastrumpets?



  15. unsatisfied
    September 27, 2010 8:04 pm

    ohhhhh, let the QB controversy begin….

    and, I suppose bruce arians is safe for at least one more week.

    yawn.

    anyhoo….that was indeed one helluva game yesterday.

    on mike “60 minute man” wallace’s hairdo….you owe ed grimley some credit, I must say….



  16. Noelle
    September 27, 2010 8:05 pm

    Baby got Buccaback.



  17. S
    September 27, 2010 8:06 pm

    Shot out to Marcus Damicone for great use of the word gyrations in his quote on the link to the Huddle



  18. Leslie in Dayton
    September 27, 2010 8:07 pm

    LOVE. Especially the Mike Wallace pics.

    I’m so happy for Charlie Batch. Just thrilled. And happy for our 3-0 Steelers, because who thought this would happen? And, well, happy for us because we get to enjoy it. I’ll tell you – the Bengal fans are ticked! I heard from a bunch of them today how disappointing it is that the Steelers are 3-0. Heh.



  19. gatorpez
    September 27, 2010 8:08 pm

    I was at the game, and it was great!

    I don’t know if you could hear it, but there were times when we were on defense that the “De-Fense” cheer sounded like it was coming from the entire stadium, the same with the “Here We Go, Steelers” chant. At one point, fans in our corner of the stadium started chanting “Charlie, Charlie” – unfortunately, I doubt that was heard, which is too bad, because Charlie totally deserved it.

    I did hear a few Tampa fans talking about how they can beat us in baseball…yeah, there’s no comeback to that. We all know it’s the truth, so you just smile and nod. I guess we could comeback with we have a better ballpark (PNC Park trumps the Tropicana every.single.time)



  20. Gina
    September 27, 2010 8:08 pm

    I never really had a thing for Brett Keisel, but now that you have made that comparison, I’m hooked. Along with my 1970’s crush on Shaun Cassidy and Andy Gibb, I had a MAJOR thing for Grizzly Adams. Of course Mike Wallace (the one in the good light) is quite delicious and now I’m thinking about a big Steeler sandwich.



  21. Noelle
    September 27, 2010 8:10 pm

    Ooo…, I love buccastrumpet! buccahussy?



  22. facie
    September 27, 2010 8:19 pm

    Love the pics of Wallace (though just don’t get that hair). But did you have to include pics of Benny. Bleh.



  23. Vivian formerly NY Luvs Pitts
    September 27, 2010 8:20 pm

    Mike Wallace kind of looks like Flex Alexander.
    http://www.celebopedia.net/flex-alexander/images/flex-alexander.jpg



  24. Lisa J.
    September 27, 2010 8:20 pm

    1-Mike Wallace is a hottie, but ummm, what’s with his hair?
    2-I thought it was a general Cheerleading rule that if a player is down, the cheerleaders kneel. Is that just in highschool?



  25. Lisa J.
    September 27, 2010 8:20 pm

    P.S. Wow, spelling is not my strong point. Sorry.



  26. gunnlino
    September 27, 2010 8:24 pm

    Mike Wallace and a 100 other players, nice guys, nice eye candy for the ladies ( and a few guys, I’m sure ) but what is it with the tat thing, am I alone here or is it overdone , even just a little ?



  27. Jaime
    September 27, 2010 8:36 pm

    Love Mike Wallace.

    The Wallace/Wallace lighting comment was genius.

    Don’t like Benny but those pics are perfect!



  28. YinzerInExile
    September 27, 2010 8:52 pm

    @gunnlino: the ink is only a perk in my (also inked) book.



  29. Wendielu
    September 27, 2010 9:17 pm

    YinzerInExile already said everything for me! My H and I did the same “…(blank stare)…..(looking for flags)….Did Charlie Batch just throw…..a touchdown???!?!?!?”

    My FB status said something about 78 year old Charlie running the field like a 42 year old spring chicken!



  30. Bitter
    September 27, 2010 10:35 pm

    Definitely worth the wait! Sorry for my impatience. WTRT is the best and sometimes the only good thing about Mondays, especially since recently moving out of the Burgh *tear* and into Wisconsin. We went out with our jerseys still on after the game, and peeps here kept asking us, “Ben who?” lol. Charlie wiped the field with them.

    PS: In total agreement with everyone else about Mike Wallace’s hotness and Hershey’s kiss hair.



  31. Dana
    September 27, 2010 10:42 pm

    “Ima name my ulcer after you.” That made me laugh so hard–much needed after a long Monday. And those pictures of Ben are great.



  32. bucdaddy
    September 27, 2010 11:03 pm

    Football is so boring that the only way to get people to watch it is to lay out a huge spread of free food and booze before games. Just sayin’.

    Speaking of booze, did you record every shot into your iTouchMyself? Lots of calories in liquor. Excellent, tasty, brain-cell-killing (which makes them perfect for watching football) calories, but calories nonetheless.



  33. bucdaddy
    September 27, 2010 11:06 pm

    Also, stating the obscenely obvious:

    Bucc*nts.



  34. Suz
    September 27, 2010 11:44 pm

    Yikes, is that all of the answers to a calculus exam tattooeed on Mike Wallace’s ample and yummy arms?



  35. MN
    September 28, 2010 1:03 am

    I’m not sure it’s that so many Pittsburghers travel to the away games, it’s more that so many of them have left the ‘burgh for better jobs, better weather, etc. You can find Steelers fans in every part of the country at any time…once a Steeler fan, always a Steeler fan!



  36. djh
    September 28, 2010 1:38 am

    buccaharlot?



  37. Greg
    September 28, 2010 7:00 am

    why all the derogatory terms for the hot women, but not for the you think are hot men? I wonder who would score higher on an IQ Test, the cheerleaders or Wallace?



  38. Angry Mongo
    September 28, 2010 7:50 am

    Buccawench? Keeps with the seafaring theme.

    When Ben comes back Charlie should be number 2. Just saying. He’s thrown more touchdown passes in one game than the Steelers have had so far this season.



  39. Christina
    September 28, 2010 8:50 am

    Seriously, Ginny, one day I would love to watch a game with you and your family (self-invite ;).

    Sounds like BIG FUN and quite delicious :)))



  40. Scott
    September 28, 2010 9:00 am

    Nice “hairdo”, Mike.



  41. TripleC
    September 28, 2010 9:39 am

    How about Buccahotties? Don’t hate.



  42. Karen Dickinson
    September 28, 2010 9:49 am

    Buccajagoffs.



  43. sleepgh
    September 28, 2010 10:17 am

    So does anyone else think those pics of Benny make him look like Will Ferrell? (Which actually might be an insult to Will…sorry!)

    Buccafloozies?



  44. red pen mama
    September 28, 2010 10:25 am

    Darlin’, that may have been your very least focused WTRT ever, but I am gasping from laughing (silently, in my cubicle, lest every one think I’m crazy) so very hard.

    It was kind of like reading the way my brain works these days. Which, you know the condition I’m in, so, yeah. Maybe look into that?

    The best: multiplying Keisel’s yardage by 7. that is hysterical shit, right there. As are your various names for the Tampa Bay cheerleaders. Oh my.

    As for Mike Wallace — great receiver, nice looking athlete, but I am generally puzzled by his hair.

    And now, to read the other comments.



  45. red pen mama
    September 28, 2010 10:32 am

    I second buccahoochie (from @noelle). It’s just fun to say.

    Also, regarding Charlie Batch: My husband wanted to see a graphic that said, under his head shot, “Not Just a Really Nice Guy”. He had a great game. And it couldn’t have happened to a nicer NFL QB.



  46. Monty
    September 28, 2010 11:43 am

    I’m frankly just delighted that none of the cheerleader pics for the 2010 season have included menstral pads playing peekabo. Buccathanks.



  47. JennyMoon
    September 28, 2010 12:42 pm

    I still love Monty!



  48. Beth
    September 28, 2010 12:54 pm

    Re: Mike’s hair…that’s a fauxhawk. All the kids have them.



  49. elysianfantasy
    September 28, 2010 1:32 pm

    @Beth – actually I would call it more of a ‘fro-hawk.



  50. Monty
    September 28, 2010 1:51 pm

    Mutual, JM, totally mutual.