Random n’at post coming up. In the meantime …
Internet, you are failing me. It got close. It did. Five votes close. So I tweeted it last night all hey, I’m only losing by five now! There is hope after all!
And what you, Internet, did was take that hope and kick it like a defiantly-empty Sheetz paper towel dispenser. You peed on my hope like Matt Spaeth. You took my hope into a dingy bathroom stall. You put my hope in your closet and you pooped on my hope, because instead of that margin of five votes shrinking, it is growing. GROWING.
So I’m coming up with more ways to cope.
I’m definitely disabling my hearing aids.
I’m definitely getting drunk.
I’m definitely taking my contacts out so that the evil ax-wielding bunny will just look like an adorable piece of fluff that wants me to scritch under its chin.
I’m definitely bringing tennis shoes to aid and abet the fleeing.
I’m definitely trying to will my brain to be seized by a migraine, giving me a valid excuse to not go through with this, and barring that, I’m hoping I get pregnant between right now and 8:00 tonight, because pregnant women are strongly cautioned not to enter the ScareHouse. Ain’t that comforting?
If you haven’t bought your ticket, you can still do it. In fact, you can just show up and buy your ticket at the door, you just need to tell them who you’re voting for. The winner will be announced at 8:00 and the loser will flip the whole room off in a drunken rage and possibly scream, “SHUT YOUR WHORE MOUTHS.”
Who can know how I’ll behave when both drunk and scared.
Also, we’ll be playing a fun game to determine who wins the Letang autographed stick. And there are now lots more prizes!
WPXI will be there covering the event, too. Fan-freaking-tastic. I’m going to probably be a viral video when I try to punch a Zombie with my eyes closed.
Please remember, I would never agree to walk through the ScareHouse alone just for hits or attention. I will always say no to that.
But walk through the ScareHouse alone for sick kids? I’ll say yes until the day I die.