Prior to the start of the Penguins season opener.
My sister Pens Fan’s living room.
Gathered around the grotesquely giant TV.
This appears on screen:
BIL: Did you see that guy’s last name? Is that a joke?
Dad: You’d think he’d shorten it to something less than 75 letters.
Me: I missed it. Go back! [bloop bloop bloop] No. WAY!
BIL: How many letters is that really?
Me: 1, 2, 3 … 14, 15, 16, 17. So, 7 too many. I’d like to see that on the back of a jersey.
Father: He should shorten it to Stroum.
Me: Or at least remove all the vowels. How do you even say that? “Strombopolopolous?”
Pens Fan: No. Strombolopolus.
Me: That’s what I said.
Pens Fan: That’s not what you said.
Don’t you wish your family was legitimately insane like mine?