From the “Criminals are Criminals for a Reason — They are Stupid” file:
A Uniontown man Wednesday called police because what he believed was marijuana that he bought on the street tasted “nasty.”
He reported that he had just bought a small amount of what he thought was marijuana. The taste turned him off, so he called police to check it for him, said police Det. Donald Gmitter.
He called police to report that he purchased bad marijuana. He must have a brain the size of a neutron. He should also be the poster child for the next “Drugs Make You Stupid” ad campaign.
That’s not all:
“We’ve had people call about prostitutes who, after they give them the money, they run away,” Det. Gmitter said. “That’s happened quite a few times.”
Wow. Calling the cops because you bought bad illegal drugs or because your ho didn’t put out even though you paid her. I don’t know why I’m surprised. I mean, if people are going to call the police when McDonald’s runs out of chicken nuggets, of course they’re going to call when they buy bad drugs.
“Yeah, um, I stole this hot car, right? And I’m pretty sure it’s a lemon. Total piece of shit. Who do I talk to about that?”
“We’ll be RIGHT THERE. Don’t move.”
“Oh, it’s a lemon. I ain’t goin’ nowhere even if I wanted to, knowwhaimsayin’?”
To serve and protect and smoke out the gruesomely huge dumbasses.