LOL, PG. LOL.

The Post-Gazette had a Sunday Forum front-page piece called, Tweeting the next governor: Snappy answers from Tom Corbett and Dan Onorato. (pronounced ON-OR-OUGHT-OH. Do not pronounce it ON-OR-ATE-OH or his eyebrows will jump off his face and kill you with ninja moves)

This is part of the image from that piece:

So, we have “tweeting” in the headline and two Twitter birds in the image.

Here are the things I thought this article might involve:

1.  Asking the men to provide 140 or less character answers to questions. (140 is the Twitter limit. If you go over, the twitter bird shits on your head. True story.)

2.  Trolling twitter to find what regular folks are tweeting about the men. If so, they would have found awesome things like this:

Interesting stuff!

3.  A selection of Tom Corbett’s and Dan Onorato’s most interesting tweets:

And by interesting, I mean zzzzz.

But none of those three possibilities is the WHY behind the title of the article and the picture of the Twitter birds.

No, the Post-Gazette’s explanation:

[blink]

[blink]

[blink]

Join us next week for “Haikuing the Next Governor” in which we ask Tom Corbett and Dan Onorato to answer 15 questions in haiku form, except we give them five lines and allow them at use up to 20 syllables per line.

[golf clap], PG.That entire piece had not one thing to do with Twitter other than the fact that you seem to think “tweet” and “snappy answers” are interchangeable.

Also, the final question:

Tell us something most people don’t know about you:

TC: I was a varsity lacrosse player in college.

DO: Our dog, Cookie, was adopted from the Humane Society.

Oh, Danny Boy. Really?! That’s the best you could do.

When I run for governor and the PG asks me this question, I’m going to have a cannon loaded with things like:

  • “I peed my pants in front of my whole class … in the fourth grade.”
  • “I once hit a tennis teammate so hard with an overhead smash to his eyeball during practice that he required surgery.”
  • “When we were teens, I once methodically went through my sister’s room like a CSI working a grid until I found her diary. I honestly don’t recall if I read it, but I bet I did.”

Take a lesson, Danny O. THAT’S how you answer that question. Because your answer is about as interesting as, “Well, people probably don’t know that I cut my grass on the diagonal.”

Finally, a haiku:

Hungry fuzzy worms

Cute bushy caterpillars

What? Those are eyebrows?!

[takes a bow]





11 Comments

  1. unsatisfied
    October 25, 2010 9:44 am

    if candidates had to answer questions in haiku form during debates, I might actually watch one.



  2. Butcher's Dog
    October 25, 2010 9:54 am

    If either candidate could accurately define “haiku” without help from staff, I’d be even more impressed.



  3. facie
    October 25, 2010 10:34 am

    Thanks for the laugh. I really needed one.

    You might want to let everyone know that his name is also not pronounced On-Or-RAT-Oh. Pretty sure there has been some confusion in that regard. :-)



  4. Cindy T.
    October 25, 2010 10:48 am

    November 2nd can’t come fast enough — maybe they should string all the political ads together and just run them non-stop until we all have brain bleeds.



  5. Legallypgh(Kathy)
    October 25, 2010 11:19 am

    I loved how the very first question (which I think was something about “what has the current governor failed to do…” Onorato doesn’t answer the questions but goes off on some tangent that is irrelevant…Even in 60 words or less he can’t pull it together..



  6. ~ Anna
    October 25, 2010 11:31 am

    Didja notice in Danno’s TV commercials that he stresses pronouncing his name one way; then the voiceover guy at the end of the spot pronounces it differently ?? Hilarious!



  7. spoon
    October 25, 2010 11:35 am

    When I opened the PG yesterday I was actually excited to see this piece… and then I read it. What a joke, just like Dan, the robot man. Corbett has no flipping clue what social media is and how to use it. Either way we’re screwed.

    Tom’s new commercial though where he uses Dan’s pronunciation is freaking beautiful



  8. Carpetbagger
    October 25, 2010 11:36 am

    The PG should have invited the third part candidate: None Oftheabove. (Pronounced: Uv-thee-ab-uv, not Off-thea-boovie.)



  9. unsatisfied
    October 25, 2010 11:39 am

    @ cindy t — they already are. haven’t you noticed?

    of course, they interrupt the commercials with the occasional tv show….



  10. bucdaddy
    October 25, 2010 12:25 pm

    That’s church on the eyebrow haiku (eye-ku?).



  11. Angry Mongo
    October 25, 2010 12:36 pm

    @spoon Sure Corbett knows what Twitter is and how to use it. It’s used to make disparaging comments about his campaign and then subpeona Twitter to release the identities of those who are critical of him… right? LOL.

    Of course he also said, “I don’t care about Twitter. People, they twitter all the time.” So, maybe he doesn’t.