This just in: We’re all going to die

Pittsburgh, there’s a storm a’brewin’ and according to the local weather peeps, we are going to see winds so strong that you might want to load up your car with sandbags to keep it grounded.

Hold on to your cows.

Bolt down your lawn furniture.

Hide yo kids. Hide yo wife.

Batten down the hatches, if you have hatches … that needed battened.

Anything not nailed down has the potential to become a deadly missile.

Anything nailed down has the potential to become UN-nailed down and to become a deadly nail-spiked missile.

Julie Bologna has the potential to have an on-air severe-weathergasm.

Jeff Verszyla has changed his Twitter avatar to a picture of a mammoth gruesomely huge tornado.

Demetrius Ivory is huddled up in the storage room breathing heavily into a paper bag.

Andrew Stockey is eyeing Wendy Bell’s chest area suggestively.

It’s WINDAPALOOZA 2010.

Hold me.

But in all seriousness, Pittsburgh, tornado watches! Be safe, because I love you, man.





30 Comments

  1. L-A
    October 26, 2010 2:29 pm

    I’ve been pissed off all freakin’ day and this is the first thing to make me smile. Thanks :-)



  2. Ms Redd
    October 26, 2010 2:48 pm

    Just to let you know from Wisconsin, where the windstorm is still going on– I am watching for the witch flying by the back window on a bike holding Toto. We are getting gusts up to 60 mph.



  3. Beth
    October 26, 2010 2:52 pm

    I love you. That is all.



  4. Magnus Patris
    October 26, 2010 3:29 pm

    Hold me.



  5. Magnus Patris
    October 26, 2010 3:31 pm

    Shit! I gotta go buy milk, bread and toilet paper, now!



  6. Stacey
    October 26, 2010 3:36 pm

    I actually have milk, bread and TP – what I’m worried about is losing power for flipping 48 hours again and losing all my groceries. Also, I should probably get home and nail down the deck furniture.



  7. Christina
    October 26, 2010 3:39 pm

    Please be careful when you are out on the streets and be safe!



  8. KGC
    October 26, 2010 3:44 pm

    If you want to see really cool radar and effects, check out the Wundermap function of http://www.weatherunderground.com. You can zoom into our region/area, show storm tracks, animate, etc. I turn off the Weather Stations and go to the Map (which looks a lot like Google). I’m watching it right now.



  9. BB
    October 26, 2010 3:44 pm

    the blue hairs are invading grocery stores across the area AS WE SPEAK, in search of their milk, bread & TP!



  10. Donncha
    October 26, 2010 3:46 pm

    At least the people at Duquesne Light are using their heads this time. They’ve cut power to two-thirds of their service area so customers can phone in and report their electricity is out before the wind takes down the phone lines.



  11. Magnus Patris
    October 26, 2010 3:47 pm

    We just bought $700 worth of freshly killed cow. If we loose power and the freezer goes, there’s going to be a new word around here; Bolognacide; or Verszylacide as you would have it.



  12. Suburban Nor'Side Girl
    October 26, 2010 3:52 pm

    Hey, did I miss something? Why is Andrew so interested in Wendy’s chest area during the last few posts?



  13. parkingchair
    October 26, 2010 4:00 pm

    Just passed through Columbus and we’re still alive. This storm moves through so quickly it’s amazing. Very dark and windy, nothing too terrible and it’s over in about 30 minutes.

    Of course, this may not reflect what the burgh will experience. After all, who wants to stay in Ohio longer than necessary?



  14. Michele
    October 26, 2010 4:10 pm

    @Donncha – That is the best statement EVER! Whenever we lose power and have to call DL, we get a message that says they are getting too many phone calls so they aren’t accepting them at this time. Please call back later! I wish I could put a message like that on my phone at work!



  15. Robin
    October 26, 2010 4:25 pm

    now, now, remember how we all scoffed before the big storm of 2010? hmmmmmm??????



  16. Heather
    October 26, 2010 4:46 pm

    Well it moved through Kentucky while I was on a field trip with hundreds of Kindergartners. Losing power, tornado sirens going off, crawling under tables, and all this not once but twice. Then on the way home a semi blown off the road by wind…yeah. Y’all have fun with that. Thankfully it’s over down here, and I’ve commenced drinking to celebrate our survival.



  17. Baba Wawa
    October 26, 2010 4:58 pm

    crap…i left a window opened at home



  18. Michele
    October 26, 2010 5:03 pm

    It’s hitting the airport area right now. I hope it is done by the time I leave work… although the traffic damage will already be done.



  19. Clementine
    October 26, 2010 5:34 pm

    North of the city. Hard rain. For about 4 (maybe 5) minutes. Some wind. Leaves blowing. Aaaannndddd… done. Disaster averted.

    Leafapalooza 2010! Do I qualify for emergency raking assistance? What’s the hotline number?



  20. Dash66
    October 26, 2010 6:24 pm

    Ginny, in regards to your comment “I love you man”

    “You’re not getting my Bud Light”



  21. Dash66
    October 26, 2010 6:24 pm

    Or in your case, “You’re not getting my Zima”



  22. k m
    October 26, 2010 7:59 pm

    Hilarious! Love the “bed intruder” reference! :)



  23. Cassie
    October 26, 2010 8:26 pm

    So…it didn’t even lightening here. Not one bit. Rain? Yes. Windy? A tad. Thunder? Nope. Not at all.



  24. Kim Z
    October 26, 2010 8:33 pm

    It never fails to fascinate me that despite being separated by a 10-hour drive Pittsburgh and Chicago always seem to have the same weather. We had to bring in the patio furniture as well. Tornadoes hit the ‘burbs. (Yet another reason why I don’t want to live in the ‘burbs.)



  25. Noelle
    October 26, 2010 9:35 pm

    Why is it always milk, bread and TP? It should be beer, condoms and candles.



  26. bucdaddy
    October 26, 2010 9:55 pm

    Noelle,

    I like the way you think. Can I have your phone #?



  27. spoon
    October 26, 2010 10:52 pm

    you forgot the ice. dont drink lukewarm beer.



  28. Noelle
    October 26, 2010 11:18 pm

    Bucdaddy, I’ll let you know if/when I become single again. :)



  29. bucdaddy
    October 27, 2010 1:50 am

    Noelle,

    I’m a patient man. I can wait.



  30. Cassie
    October 27, 2010 11:02 am

    Condoms. Smart woman. My OB often jokes about all the snowstorm babies being born now. Heh heh heh.