TMI.

This post is kinda icky, and I’ve just warned you it’s kind of icky, and the title of the post is TMI, which means “Too Much Information” and again, icky in a medical kind of way, and again, I’ve warned you, warned you thrice, so don’t go yelling at me in the comments. You are choosing to continue reading. Also, I’m looking at you young’uns. I know you’re reading because you chat with me on Facebook all, “I love your site. I’m 10.”

——————–

A male friend sent me this screen-cap from the Post-Gazette’s website with a note that basically said, “WTF? EWWWW! MY EYES.”

Wow.

What a thing to encounter as you sip your morning coffee, catching up on the latest in the pension wars.

Ravenstahl. Rudiak. Kunka. Zober. Labia.

Not just plastic surgery. Not a tummy tuck. A butt lift. Botox. Boob job or any other number of less SWEET MOTHER NATURE! procedures. Labiaplasty is the procedure they chose to advertise.

(Told ya I’d work that phrase into my lexicon.)

So, I hunted down that website and read the press release to find in addition to a testimonial from a stripper, gems like this:

  • Sometimes, they just want shorter labia lips for themselves or that special someone.
  • The final results are a lovelier and less annoying vaginal area.
  • With so much media attention, women with enlarged labia now know they are not freaks of nature

Now, don’t scold me. I realize it is a valid medical procedure, but seriously … TMI first thing in the morning on a news site.

Hey, do you guys remember that episode of Friends where Joey became the model for a VD poster? I bet that girl in that stock image is just LOVING that instead of her picture appearing on a lovely ad for perhaps a fall sale at Big Lots, she has become the model representing enlarged labia in Pittsburgh.

Take a note, I will never write the word labia again as long as I live.

It is so written.

P.S. Whatever you do, do not scroll to the bottom and click on “When Lawn Mowers Attack.” You’ve been warned. Again. Thrice.





49 Comments

  1. Scott
    October 29, 2010 10:24 am

    Any male who emails, tweets or otherwise uses a phrase like “WTF, EWWWWW! MY EYES” to communicate sounds like a prime candidate for a labiaplasty himself. Loss of man card with no appeals and no chance of parole.

    It hurt me to even type that phrase.



  2. Monty
    October 29, 2010 10:24 am

    Total labia move on your part clowning The Stofman.



  3. Chris Hilf
    October 29, 2010 10:25 am

    FALLSALEATBIGLOTSNOWAYWHEREWHEN?!?!



  4. bluzdude
    October 29, 2010 10:33 am

    A “Less annoying vaginal area?”

    What, the woman is annoyed by the sound when she runs?



  5. Virginia
    October 29, 2010 10:35 am

    Scott, I said, “Basically” meaning I was putting his manly words into my girl words. He didn’t write it like that. He wrote, “WTF? Check this out!”



  6. Noelle
    October 29, 2010 10:44 am

    “To hold costs down, Dr. Stofman performs labiaplasty in his office — instead of in a hospital”. Um…. NO THANK YOU.



  7. Marcy
    October 29, 2010 10:53 am

    There are many things I have heard men say they find annoying about their wives, but nary a complaint about a nagging labia.



  8. PA Girl in VA
    October 29, 2010 10:55 am

    “The final results are a lovelier and less annoying vaginal area.” That’s one of the funniest sentences I’ve read in a LONG time!



  9. PA Girl in VA
    October 29, 2010 10:57 am

    @Marcy – I was thinking the same thing but couldn’t come up with the right words (long day so far). Very funny!!



  10. Monty
    October 29, 2010 11:01 am

    This is the greatest press release in the history of press releases. Nearly every paragraph makes me happier than a Japanese schoolgirl in a Hello Kitty store.

    My current favorite anecdote is the ninja who jumped off a motor cycle going 60 mph, straddled a guardrail and understandably ruined her labia.

    This post is going to 200 comments no problem.



  11. spoon
    October 29, 2010 11:23 am

    I used to get sand in my vagina every time I walked on the beach but now thanks to The Stofman I can run, skip and jump like all the other kids



  12. Scott
    October 29, 2010 11:33 am

    Ginny,

    OK, glad to hear that. Reminds me of similar occasional posts by my sister on my bro-in-law’s Facebook account. I keep telling her she might want to open an account of her own so people don’t think her husband is all “OMG, ROTFLMAO!!! ;)”

    Monty, great line: “Nearly every paragraph makes me happier than a Japanese schoolgirl in a Hello Kitty store.” Hilarious.



  13. Ms Redd
    October 29, 2010 11:46 am

    “With so much media attention…” ??? Have to admit I must have missed all those shows devoted to this problem.



  14. bucdaddy
    October 29, 2010 12:19 pm

    Reminds me that they used to run (and maybe still do) ads for vasectomies in the sports section. What can the thought process be there? So it’s Sunday morning and …

    “Can’t wait for the Steelers game today, let’s see what time it starts … yep, 1 o’clock, better make sure I have enough beer … Heh, the Pirates traded another one of their stars for a handful of magic beans. What else is new? … Hmmm … the Penguins lost to the Flyers. ANYbody but the Flyers, I hate the fuc … hey, speaking of which, look at this ad! You know, I’ve been meaning to get one of those. It’s been awhile since I felt like a horse kicked me in the nuts …”

    *tears out ad*

    And FWIW, you long-labed-ladies would have been more than welcome at the BucHouse 30 years ago, not so much now since marriage intervened.



  15. Orkoskey
    October 29, 2010 12:19 pm

    You know he calls himself “The Stofman” when he’s cruising for chicks.

    There was an article in the Huffington Post about this and how porn has caused a rise in such surgeries. The fact that more and more porn stars are shaved has resulted in more cosmetic labiaplasty per the article. I bet that article prompted him to place the ad.

    If 70’s style bush came back into fashion it’d fall back out of vogue.

    What you’ve really got to think about is that poor lady who posed for a stock image thinking that maybe she’d be used for ads for dentistry offices or dating websites – I bet she never though that people’d be thinking about the annoyingness of her lady bits.



  16. CrashJK
    October 29, 2010 1:02 pm

    @bucdaddy…LMAO “long-labed-ladies”…songs like a Led Zep tune that ended up on the cutting room floor.

    btw – those Vas ads…ain’t nothing. It’s having the procedure done and having a cute 20 something Phys. Assist. do the pre-op “inspection” – that’ll challenge your inner strength.



  17. Larry
    October 29, 2010 1:06 pm

    After reading all the comments about how bad we feel about the model, I scrolled back up and looked at the photo again. Strangely enough, what jumped out at me *this* time was the two long, vertical, red strands of her scarf, and the bit of red sweater peeking out behind her coat. You don’t think that this is why they chose…?

    Gah. Now *I’ve* TMI’d *myself*…



  18. red pen mama
    October 29, 2010 1:09 pm

    Wait a minute. HOW DO I KNOW IF I NEED LABIAPLASTY? HOW DO I KNOW IF MY LABIA ARE (IS?) NORMAL-SIZED AND NOT ANNOYING?

    OMG, you guys, WTF and/or EW don’t even cover this.

    You can look at people’s faces and judge whether or not to get a nose job. You can judge people’s racks (or, in my case, lack thereof). But what am I supposed to do, go buy an issue of Playboy? Gawd.

    And for the record, I’m getting a kick out of typing labia.



  19. CrashJK
    October 29, 2010 1:10 pm

    @Larry- see, this poor girl needs a nice hand crafted “Knitting Lady” scarf-ette. Nice, neat and a simple fashion accessory, something one could wear even in warm weather, to the beach per se…



  20. Angry Mongo
    October 29, 2010 1:12 pm

    Extreme Makeover Labia Edition



  21. CrashJK
    October 29, 2010 1:13 pm

    @red pen mama – you could be brave and venture to Doc Stofman’s website for the “before and after” pics…I’ll admit, I saw the ad yesterday while on the P-G website and curiosity lead me to click, click and click and woo wee mama, I saw them !

    Ok, enuff….I’m going Pens Bloggin’ now.



  22. CrashJK
    October 29, 2010 1:14 pm

    @Angry Mongo – I don’t really want to hear “MOVE THAT BUS”…when related to seeing a naked lady, do you ?



  23. Jim
    October 29, 2010 1:47 pm

    Prior to marrying the current Mrs. I had a prolonged period of singledom, during which I dated many, many women. I can honestly say that I never once ended a relationship due to her “annoying vaginal area.”



  24. Noelle
    October 29, 2010 2:31 pm

    Wait a second here @BUCDADDY, it was YOU who asked me for my phone number!



  25. tolnski
    October 29, 2010 2:49 pm

    I love that The Stofman (so it is now, and shall forevermore be) uses the phrase, “down there” more than once…A board-certified plastic surgeon, and it’s like I can hear the giggling…he he he! *blush*



  26. JennyMoon
    October 29, 2010 3:07 pm

    Everyone is hilarious! I am loving these comments.



  27. ELBIII
    October 29, 2010 3:53 pm

    First of all, I would like to thank Dr. Storman for his dedication to this ‘unexplored’ field. Talk about using ones ‘gifts’ to assist woman who are facing this enormous problem….I understand the word problem is on shaky ground…
    With the Christmas Season quickly approaching, I would like to thank the good doctor for the gift idea for my wife…..on that note…do you have a number for a good divorce lawyer…..
    Finally, I don’t know why…but the phrase ‘Loose lips sink ships’ is banging around in my brain…..I know there is a joke in there somewhere but I just don’t have the energy….
    Wishing you all an extremely ‘Comfortable’ Weekend!!



  28. Noelle
    October 29, 2010 4:22 pm

    Is Jefferson Medical College in Philadelphia a well known and respected academic institution? (That’s where Stof got his MD) I’m not familiar. (Not that this means anything, I don’t work in health care)



  29. Noelle
    October 29, 2010 4:23 pm

    You know what, Stof is right, I DO deserve it.



  30. Linda
    October 29, 2010 4:25 pm

    @#27 The Stofman is giggling alright..all the way to the bank!



  31. Cassie
    October 29, 2010 4:35 pm

    Does anyone here wonder about what The Stof does to you once you’re under awaiting your labioplasty? Anyone?!?



  32. Monty
    October 29, 2010 4:59 pm

    I wonder if they play music while the patient’s anesthesia kicks in:

    Do your labes hang low?
    Do they wobble too and fro?
    Can you tie them in a knot?
    Can you tie them in a bow?
    Can you throw them over your shoulder like a continental soldier?
    Do your lllllaaaaaaaaaaaaaabbbbbbbbbbeeeeeeesssssss hang low??



  33. Noelle
    October 29, 2010 6:12 pm

    @Cassie, according to the press release they don’t use general, but local (!!!!???!!!!) This helps you save money by not having to do it at the hospital. All of this is just so so wrong.



  34. DG
    October 29, 2010 9:04 pm

    RPM, I think you voice the concern of all women on this blog. HOW DO YOU KNOW?



  35. Dash66
    October 29, 2010 11:04 pm

    When I read the press release and saw the line at the bottom that said “When Lawnmowers Attack” I was thinking it was going to be talking about women who tried to do self-labiaplasty.



  36. Peg
    October 30, 2010 1:17 am

    I’m pretty sure the model was down for this ad. She’s got that look like, “My labias were all weird and shit, but since I had them whacked, they’re looking pretty good.”



  37. CrashJK
    October 30, 2010 9:32 am

    You know…let’s give this a positive, uplifting spin…how about concentrating on the good “The Stofman” does with ENLARGEMENTS !!! Making the world a better & more beautiful place, one pair of 38DDs at a time…

    and…LET’S GO PENS (without MAF in net)…



  38. bucdaddy
    October 30, 2010 11:08 am

    red pen mama,

    Want me to have a look?

    Noelle Says:
    October 29th, 2010 at 2:31 pm

    And it’s you who haven’t given it to me yet.

    CrashJK Says:
    October 29th, 2010 at 1:02 pm

    Gotta tell my own TMI story, and there’s no tidy way to say it, so brace yourselves.

    I may have mentioned here that I had testicular cancer a year ago (you guys: Check your sack, Jack, OK?). The process of having the offender removed involved having an ultrasound down there. A male tech guy did the honors, but apparently he was new on the job because once he was done a (quite attractive) woman came in to look over his work, and then SHE repeated the ultrasound on me.

    I thought, wow. That’s as close to a threesome as I’ll ever get.



  39. L-A
    October 30, 2010 11:33 am

    super glad i came back to read the new comments. labia labia labia. you’re right rpm – fun stuff!



  40. red pen mama
    October 30, 2010 5:41 pm

    There are *gulp* before and after pictures? Seriously? I am… speechless.

    @bucdaddy, thank you, but mr. rpm would take exception. he’s never complained or commented, so I’m going to keep what I got down there. and that story is hilarious (aside from the fact that you actually had cancer). thank you for the laugh. I think “check your sack, Jack” should be the slogan for testicular cancer campaigns.

    and, just because: labia.



  41. Donncha
    October 31, 2010 10:14 am

    Knowing that procedure probably costs a small fortune, I’m left wondering how someone can show off such a consumer purchase. It’s not like a new car you can leave out on the driveway to make the neighbors envious. Seems to me this is driven by ideas of beauty that are defined by males, not females. Used to be a man courted the girl of his dreams; now he has one built out of a kit.



  42. CrashJK
    October 31, 2010 4:09 pm

    @Donncha – I can get one BUILT FROM A KIT !!!! Whoa, where’s that kit, cause I’d like to give that a try. Assume that I can tweak the attitude, horomonal explosions & leaving the word “no” out of her vocabulary are possible, my credit card is standing by !



  43. empirechick
    October 31, 2010 11:02 pm

    @CrashJK –

    I don’t know your financial situation, but I’m willing to bet ain’t no credit card invented that can buy what you describe… ;-)



  44. CrashJK
    November 1, 2010 8:30 am

    @empirechick – you are very correct…I guess I will just have to settle for the Victoria Secrets Christmas Catalog instead…



  45. JennyMoon
    November 2, 2010 9:42 am

    I love CrashJK! You are too funny.



  46. Pingback: Hello Kitty Fro

  47. Kathy
    November 10, 2010 5:44 pm

    okay, man I wish I’d been awake for this gem. Can’t understand why comments stalled at 49. And thank you Ginny for only including one pic. Just sayin’.