Obligatory Day After Decision Day Post

Everyone who voted for the opposing party should be ashamed of themselves.

Every single one of you should take a good long look in the mirror because when hell is unleashed upon this country, when the terrorists win, when the economy collapses in upon itself, when martial law is declared and an alien race senses our newly formed weaknesses and attacks us like something out of Independence Day, it will be on all y’all’s heads, not mine because my candidate is Bill Pullman in this scenario and your candidate is a cockroach.

Are you stupid? Do you not have a brain? Apparently not a single one of you is educated. Not a single one of you has ever had a valid thought or opinion in your life. Not a single one of you truly cares what happens to our borough, our city, our county, our state, OUR COUNTRY. Not a single one of you has a family you want to see healthy. A business you want to see in the black. A house you want to keep.

Every one of your candidates wasted astronomical amounts of money on their campaign that they could have donated to charity. Every one of my candidates wisely used every precious penny to try to further an agenda of solid economics, values, and platforms that would have healed this country like the second coming of Jesus Christ.

I wear my “I Voted!” sticker like a badge of honor. You wear yours like the scarlet letter.

Your candidate is the devil. My candidate is the savior.

Your vote destroyed us. My vote uplifted us.

How do you look your children in the eyes?

How do you look yourself in the mirror?

How do you sleep at night?

God help us all.


  1. Dan (Still your County Commish)
    November 3, 2010 9:39 am

    HMMM That about sums it up

  2. YinzerInExile
    November 3, 2010 9:54 am

    Regardless of where we might stand on various political issues, I like to think we can all come together over the knowledge that Sandra Lee is now the defacto tablescaper for the New York Governor’s mansion. Duhhhlicious!

  3. Jagoff
    November 3, 2010 9:56 am

    We must have voted for the same candidates, then.

  4. Angry Mongo
    November 3, 2010 9:59 am

    Let feardom ring! LOL.

  5. Buddy Love
    November 3, 2010 10:02 am

    Perfect! Thanks.

  6. JT
    November 3, 2010 10:18 am

    Oh No Uh Roh He’s still our county commissioner. Damn.

  7. spoon
    November 3, 2010 10:28 am

    You could have just wrote me in for PA governor.

    @YinzerInExile *hi5*

  8. hello haha narf
    November 3, 2010 10:30 am

    i didn’t get a damn sticker. didn’t get a button. nothing except that little square of paper with yesterday’s date on it. booooooooooooooooooo!

  9. Lisa
    November 3, 2010 10:43 am

    not sure I get it?

  10. Rich D
    November 3, 2010 10:44 am

    I’m now accepting campaign contributions for my 2012 congressional campaign. My slogan is “I don’t really know what I’m doing, but I’ll try not to make things worse.”

  11. Susan V
    November 3, 2010 10:45 am

    That’s Church.

  12. Burgh Baby
    November 3, 2010 10:49 am

    That’s exactly what my twitter stream looked like all. night. long.

  13. Virginia
    November 3, 2010 10:54 am

    My twitter stream STILL looks like that.

    Lisa, the post is meant to be satire. I don’t really think this way. I’m poking fun at how many people act the day after election day.

  14. bucdaddy
    November 3, 2010 11:02 am

    What did we do for funny before the Interwebs?

    Well played, Virginia. Well played.

  15. bucdaddy
    November 3, 2010 11:04 am

    Also: You elected Corbett and Toomey. We elected Amanda Pasdon to the state house:


    West Virginia, FTW.

  16. Beth
    November 3, 2010 11:07 am

    This would be funny if it weren’t so true. Oh, what the heck, it’s funny anyway!!!

  17. Angry Mongo
    November 3, 2010 11:07 am

    @Virginia Agreed. Everyone gets a little apocalyptic. This is also what happens when the day after a Penguins loss and IT’S ONLY NOVEMBER!

  18. Goob
    November 3, 2010 11:10 am

    I while back, I bought a house (in the city, yes, in the city). For the first time in ten years, I had a different polling place.

    My old polling place was dusty, quiet – I would go there on the way to work, and there were two folding tables and a set of machines, cool echoes of foot steps on hard floors, and reserved poll workers who only ever seemed nonplussed to see anyone. It was pragmatic and functional, and completely what I expected it to be. I routinely got bothered by people on the sidewalk on the way in, but I learned to live with that.

    The first time I walked into my new polling place: there were three sets of folding tables: two tables on the left for one district, two tables on the right for the other, and four tables along the wall for the bake sale.

    I do not regret moving.

  19. Mike
    November 3, 2010 11:20 am

    Clearly, you plagiarized this from a Corbett/Onorato/Sestak/Toomey campaign ad.

  20. Jill
    November 3, 2010 11:26 am

    Haters are gonna hate. It’s what they do.

  21. Susan V
    November 3, 2010 11:28 am

    Hey, Goob: you move to L’Ville, didn’t you! :)

    Bake sale FTW!!!

  22. Jess
    November 3, 2010 11:54 am

    I’m just jealous you got an “I Voted” sticker.

  23. Noelle
    November 3, 2010 12:08 pm

    Every election year, the same red-died bouffant-haired old woman who’s lipstick has bled into the wrinkles around her lips checks my ID and then says to me “Dear, where you born at Christmas?” Every election year God bless her.

  24. elysianfantasy
    November 3, 2010 12:13 pm

    @YinzerinExile: My thoughts exactly. I pity the folks who are going to the NY Governor’s Ball. I don’t think their eyes/brains will ever recover from all the plasticware, the monochrome color scheme, and the bedazzled…well, everything.

    And I’m especially jealous of those of you who were able to participate in a bake sale whilst voting. So. Not. Fair. *pout*

  25. SpudMom
    November 3, 2010 12:17 pm

    I don’t disagree but I do find it funny that you wrote “How do you sleep at night?!” when I did, in fact, sleep poorly last night due to bad dreams in response to the election. I think I need help. ;)

  26. Ex-Pat Pittsburgh Girl
    November 3, 2010 12:42 pm

    Ha ha ha ha ha! Fantastic! This was the first time I physically voted in a polling place in 13 years. I absentee ballotted for ten of those years and I was in Oregon for three of those years and they mail the ballot to you about three weeks before election day. All you had to do was fill it out and either drop it in on of the billion drop boxes around town or throw it in the mail. I had to ask how to work the machine since it was electronic (first time for me) and I couldn’t get it to register my selelctions initially. The best thing though, is there was a bake sale, too, at my polling place (downtown Harrisburg church). They also had hot soup.

  27. Me
    November 3, 2010 12:45 pm

    I’m jealous. My polling place has neither baked goods nor “I Voted” stickers.

  28. empirechick
    November 3, 2010 12:55 pm

    I must live under a rock – I had no idea who Sandra Lee was until I googled her just now. And I’m amazed that an unmarried man was deemed capable of running a state… what about family values?? [/sarcasm]

    Oh wait, it’s New York. And Carl Palladino is a crackpot. Nevermind. ;-)

  29. cmd_45
    November 3, 2010 12:59 pm

    At our district polling place, my husband describes the woman in charge (Charimwoman of Election??? IDK) as, and I quote, “The Hot One.” I’d like to think it is just because she is the only person under 70, but I’m not holding my breath.

  30. tw
    November 3, 2010 2:00 pm

    Our polling place had grapes, cheese, mini sandwiches, peanuts, etc…..now that’s quite a spread for a 5 minute wait in line.

  31. rickh
    November 3, 2010 2:33 pm

    Thanks for reminding me. I forgot to remove my sticker from my jacket. That explains the looks…

  32. sleepgh
    November 3, 2010 2:44 pm

    Um, more importantly, could you stop posting? You keep making me scroll down further to see the pic of Chief-Making-Fire-In-His-Pants.

  33. Sue
    November 3, 2010 3:09 pm

    I voted, yeah, but I’m with sleepgh. I can’t stop looking at those firefighters! Makes me forget all about politics!!!

  34. Bram R
    November 3, 2010 3:19 pm

    Bit would have worked better, I think, if one side didn’t so clearly PWN the other one from coast to coast, up and down the dial.

    No stickers, no baked goods at my polling place. :( Now I want to get involved next year — hold a tappas election or something.

  35. James Foreman
    November 3, 2010 3:28 pm

    Don’t blame me, I didn’t vote.

  36. jann
    November 3, 2010 4:47 pm

    Whew- glad I read the comments. I was beginning to think you were serious. Guess I need to read this blog more often.

  37. SusanV
    November 3, 2010 4:58 pm

    Whoa! There’s another Susan V! I was reading through and got worried my kids had typed


    and submitted it somehow.

    Hi #21, Susan V!

    And I also feel a little put-out that our polling place did not give stickers. Dang economy & cut-backs!

  38. PittinDC
    November 3, 2010 5:28 pm

    I would have traded in my sticker for all of these baked goods!!