It is December. It is snowing. In Pittsburgh. Several inches.
So naturally all hell has broken loose on the local news stations. Weather forecasters huddled up to determine how to best scare the hell out of the city residents. Words like “catastrophe” and “severe weather event” and “cataclysmic snow event signaling the end of days” are thrown about.
Someone on Twitter said David Highfield was on air stomping on snow in a parking lot to show how deep it was.
Headlines are pouring in and in fairness to KDKA, the only reason they have the most headlines is because they put ALL of their videos online and easy to find, which I LOVE so much. They easily have the most thorough website of the local stations:
KDKA: Northern Counties Hit Hard by Snow
KDKA: PennDot Crews Busy in Butler.
KDKA: Blowing Snow a Problem in Rural Westmoreland County.
KDKA: PennDot: “Watch Out for Snow Squalls.”
KDKA: Laurel Highlands Accustomed to Snow
KDKA: Salt Trucks Hit Roads in Butler County
KDKA: Snow Nothing New for Portersville Residents
KDKA: Snow Picking up in Butler County
KDKA: PennDot, Residents Gear up for Winter
WTAE: Snow Slows Some Roads, But PennDot Keeps Things Moving
WPXI: Snow Blankets Pittsburgh, Surrounding Areas
WPXI: Crews Do Good Job Keeping Cranberry Roads Clear
What I’d love to see a news reporter dare to do:
Anchor: We’re seeing some precipitation here in Pittsburgh, making for some slick traveling conditions this evening. Let’s go to Bob Buford who is live on the scene in Butler as crews prepare to treat the roads. Bob?
Bob Buford: [hits his knees in half an inch of snow with a salt truck parked behind him] Oh, dear God. What is this stuff? WHAT IS THIS FROZEN HELL FALLING FROM THE SKY?! I’ve never seen anything like it. It’s wet, but not getting me wet. Cold but not frozen. It’s white. WHITE, I TELL YOU! And they’re beautiful in a haunting kind of way. Perfect formations of cold white lace. BUT WHAT ARE THEY? A message from an alien race? What is it?! What could it be?! This has never happened before on Earth anywhere and it JUST. WON’T. STOP. It feels like the end times. ONE LANDED ON MY CHEEK! ONE LANDED ON MY CHEEK! GET IT OFF GET IT OFF! IT BURNS. [writhes on the ground, kicking frantically] I DON’T WANT TO DIE! IT BURNNNNNNNNNNnnnnnnnsss–.”
Anchor: Uh. We’ll check in with Bob a bit later in the newscast, now let’s take it over to Mary MooMoo who is live on the scene at a reported toilet paper shortage at the local Walgreens. Mary?
Mary: SAVE YOURSELF!!!!!!!!!!!!! [runs away screaming]
Also? Jeff Verszyla wins this week for this graphic:
God love him and his sense of humor.