Monthly Archives: January 2011

You’re going to have to earn it.

Tomorrow morning, we will be kicking off the fundraising effort for Make Room for Kids, an extension of Austin’s Playroom Project that was created right here at That’s Church.

Our goal, and by “our” I truly do mean “yours and mine,” is $10,000 between Chachi Plays for Kids and the online giving from here.

We are working to completely outfit with gaming, the Adolescent Medicine ward of Children’s Hospital of Pittsburgh, which is floor 9A, sharing a floor with the Oncology ward at 9B.

Adolescent Medicine sees acute patients ages 12 to 20 years of age, the perfect ages for gaming!  The Child Life Specialists on the floor call these kids their “frequent fliers.”  Their average stay is about 5 to 10 days, however, they come back every couple of weeks or each month for more treatments.

These children suffer from ailments such as asthma, sickle cell anemia, cystic fibrosis, gastro intestinal disease, etc. The unit also admits endocrine patients (including diabetes) ages 0 and above and overflow patients from other units.

They have only one XBOX on the floor, which is in the teen lounge.  You can imagine how often it’s used by a group of 12- to 20-year-olds biding their time in a hospital. And how often that means that a child doesn’t have any game to play because the lone XBOX is being used.

Unfortunately, some of the kids on that floor are unable or too sick to go to the lounge, so they have the opportunity to sign out one of two laptops on the floor.

When we are done working with the Mario Lemieux Foundation and Microsoft, every room on 9A will have its own XBox and the patients will be able to choose from a wide variety of hand held gaming systems, games, DVD players, movies, laptops, iPads and more!  Because of you.

Microsoft employees and corporate matches have already done their part by donating the 24+ XBOXs.  You and I are to raise the $10,000 to purchase all of this, as evidenced in the delivery to the transplant floor not too long ago:

The great majority of us aren’t being proverbially smacked in the face our every waking moment with sickness and worry and fear and pain, and many of these children are.  Gaming is a respite from the constant living in their own brains with only their thoughts. It’s a chance to forget about the needles and treatments and fear.

Tomorrow morning, the PayPal button is going to go live. Here’s where it gets interesting.

I’m not going to post What They’re Really Thinking: Super Bowl Edition until the $10,000 is raised. This is the one I wrote for the last Super Bowl the Steelers were in.

I’ve never charged anyone anything to read anything I’ve ever written. Never sold ads on my site. Never wanted money for my words. Until now.

Give what you can, even if it is just the money for a cup of coffee, or the money for a pound of coffee, or the money for the coffee machine, or the money for the Platinum kickass all-doohickeyed-out Keurig.

Every single penny matters to me.

We can do this. $10,000 by Monday.

For sick kids.

Warning: Use of undefined constant php - assumed 'php' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /nfs/c05/h01/mnt/75660/domains/ on line 46

Unprofessional. Also, OUCH.

Front of Sports Illustrated’s site:

The context of that quote? Not good either:

“The one thing I take a little bit of issue with is when guys tell me they’re being screwed,” Goodell said. “[Most often] they’re not recognizing they have a role in it.” Regarding Roethlisberger, Goodell said when he was investigating what to do with the quarterback, he talked to “I bet two dozen [Steeler] players … Not one, not a single player, went to his defense. It wasn’t personal in a sense, but all kinds of stories like, ‘He won’t sign my jersey.’ ”

My issue isn’t whether or not this is true. I’m 99% sure it’s true. Even if thirty Steelers players go to media day tomorrow and claim it isn’t true, let’s be real — There’s no reason for Goodell to lie about this, but the team has lots of reasons to lie about it, especially leading up to the biggest game of the season when team cohesion is vital.

Benny is/was a well-documented jerk, and I’m not surprised his team was fed up with his shenanigans at the time the suspension was being handed down.

My issue is that the whole quote, the timing of it, the fact that he dared to say it on the record?  Reeks of douchebaggery and asshattery and flat out giant-assholeism.

To talk to the media about what went down behind closed doors before Benny’s suspension, to basically say on the record, “Hey, I hate him. Everyone hated him. His teammates hated him. Emphatically,” is a low-blow and is not going to foster honesty and openness the next time he meets with NFL players who might wonder if what they say will eventually be blabbed to the media by the loose lips of Roger Goodell.

Compare it to a CEO taking a moment at the next company retreat dinner in a crowded hotel ballroom to stand up at the microphone and say, “I tell ya, I had to reprimand Bob Ray Brown last month — wait, where’s Bob? Is Bob in the crowd? There he is. Stand up, Bob. There he is. Have a seat, Bob. As I was saying, I had to reprimand Bob for really really truly awful and dismal performance last month, and I tell ya, I talked to about a dozen of his employees and they were like, “Could this dude BE any suckier?’  I don’t have any reason for sharing that with you other than the fact that I crave attention and I feel that I’m all-powerful and everyone should bow down to me and fear me and really just come to understand that my word is law and I face no consequences for anything I do or say, ever, and anyway, Bob and his crew that hates him is over there at table 12 if you’d like to go say hello at the conclusion of the event. I won’t. I hate Bob. I have no connection to Bob. Ha. Ha. Ha-ha. Moving on, next up we’ll be having team-building exercises … ”

So unprofessional.

I hope Dan Rooney farts in Roger Goodell’s general direction for this one.

Warning: Use of undefined constant php - assumed 'php' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /nfs/c05/h01/mnt/75660/domains/ on line 46

An illustrated lesson in hairography

Hairography: (n).  Frequent and dramatic hair tossing. Made famous by the likes of Britney Spears and Beyonce.  Immortalized forever in an episode of Glee.

Let’s let Packer Clay Matthews demonstrate this concept.

I can’t decide if I want to end this post by saying, “Damn, girl.” or “Baby got back,” or “[snap snap] mmm-hmm.”

You choose.

Warning: Use of undefined constant php - assumed 'php' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /nfs/c05/h01/mnt/75660/domains/ on line 46

All new! Never before heard!

According to TMZ — and and let me interrupt for my normal aside: “Yes. I read TMZ. If you don’t and you’re aghast that I do, that’s okay. I understand you are better than me and smarter than me and gosh darn it … people like you more. But hey, it’s not like I read Perez Hilton. Those people are stupid tools.”

Jeremy Piven thinks this year’s Super Bowl is gonna suck — because no one wants to see a game between Ben “Rapist-berger and the Cheese Heads.”

OMG, Jeremy Piven. you are so funny and original!

Rapist-berger! No one has ever called Ben that ever! No wonder you are a national comedic treasure.


(h/t Liz)

Warning: Use of undefined constant php - assumed 'php' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /nfs/c05/h01/mnt/75660/domains/ on line 46

Random n’at.

1. If Punxsutawney Phil sees his shadow, will I get arrested for punching him in his stupid face?

2. I have two new pieces for you to read over at Pittsburgh Magazine.

First up, my February column is appropriately titled, “How Not to Make Biscotti.”

A snippet:

It was the teenager of dough. It rolled its eyes at me. I considered taking away its driving privileges and unlimited texting plan.

I realized then that the basic laws of cooking and physics and, heck, gravity dictated that this blob of goo would never, ever turn into crispy cranberry biscotti despite the recipe I followed and its promise, “difficulty: easy.”

Lies. All lies.

I then go on to talk about hippopotamuses and Martha Stewart. Seriously.

I also have a new blog post up about the Pittsburgh Pirates’ ballsy move in raising game day ticket prices for this coming season.

Putting that aside, I gotta applaud the, pardon my Spanish, cojones of the Pittsburgh Pirates organization which has apparently never heard the phrase “You are in no position to negotiate.”

Enjoy! And when you get to the end, don’t hate my Pollyannaism. It can’t be helped.

3.  Tim Ruff’s Walking in Pittsburgh video is already past 32,000 hits on YouTube. [fist bump]

4.  Pigeons collapsed a gas station roof in Sacramento. That’s not surprising considering pigeons also brought down the bridge in Minnesota.

However, there’s this:

Firefighters said about 20 years of pigeons loitering on the roof had led to a build up of fecal matter nearly a foot thick.

Twelve inches of pigeon poop. TWELVE INCHES.

That’s not all:

The structure was built with an outdated design and couldn’t handle the weight.

Does this mean that pigeons have become such a scourge that structural engineers now have to take into account the future stress that multiple feet of pigeon poop will place on a building? Seriously?

This is why all the pigeons must die.

(h/t Liz)

5.  The ladies love Troysus and hate Ben. In other shocking news, the moon goes around the Earth.

(h/t Lindsey)

6. Speaking of the ladies, they’d probably really really enjoy this photoshoot of Steeler Emmanuel Sanders.

Sneak peak:

Two-four-six-eight-pack/who do we appreciate?!

Emmanuel! Emmanuel! YAY, EMMANUEL!

(h/t Angie)

7. Uh, guys, GINA!

Everyone on the planet is welcome.

8.  Daniel Sepulveda filmed a video for I Am Second.

My kingdom for closed captioning.

Web-based businesses, if you wouldn’t put it on TV without captions, don’t put it on the Internet without captions.

(h/t Shannon)

9.  Brett Kiesel’s self-snapshot is the stuff of nightmares.

That’s the face of a man who will feast on your raw flesh … or bring you two stone tablets down from the mountain.

Get it on a shirt here!

(h/t Burgh is the Word)

10. Best crib sheet ever? BEST CRIB SHEET EVER!

(h/t Valerie who also found this abomination)

Warning: Use of undefined constant php - assumed 'php' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /nfs/c05/h01/mnt/75660/domains/ on line 46