It has been a while, has it not, since we’ve had to brand a Burgher with the official Annoying label.
I can’t remember the last person I named as an Annoying Burgher. Let me go check, which should be easy because my blog’s search function doesn’t suck a bag of you know whatsits (h/t Ice T), like youknowwhosits (rhymes with Most Pazettes).
Here we are, the last Annoying Burghers were those dismal parents who used their baby’s diaper to hide illegal drugs.
That was last August.
We made it all the way to mid-January! Do you think I should add a page to the site where we chronicle all the Annoying Burghers in one place? Like a Hall of Shame?
How’s this for Annoying?
A 43-year-old Sewickley mother has pleaded guilty to plying her 14-year-old son’s friends with wine and sexy clothing in an effort to seduce them, going so far as to take one of the boys to her bedroom during the party, where she pinned him to a wall and groped him and kissed him before his friends rescued him.
This, Internet, is illegal.
Charges were brought after her own son reported her to the police. Ouch.
Her attorney had this to say:
Her defense attorney, Patrick Thomassey, blamed what happened on the woman being lonely and drunk.
Mr. Thomassey went on to say that what happened with the boys is like a “rite of passage.”
“I’d have kept my mouth shut, and said, ‘wow’ to my buddies,” he told Allegheny County Judge David R. Cashman. “No one got hurt. There has been no inference this has affected them in a negative way.”
I’m sorry. This is such an amazing degree of annoying that I need to be sure I’ve never named Mr. Thomassey as Annoying Burgher before. Maybe he already has a crown/flaming bag of poo? Let me check.
Nope. No crown. No poo. Until now.
He gets his crown for condoning what would be considered attempted rape had it been a man doing the seducing of a 16-year-old girl.
He gets his crown for even breathing the slightest hint that this was anything but disgustingly wrong.
He gets his crown for giving me a case of heebie jeebies so acute, I might have an actual medical condition.
He gets his crown in the mail and by crown I mean the sincere hope that he doesn’t have a daughter who goes through this one day, only to have a slimy defense attorney tell her it was just a rite of passage and that she should have kept her mouth shut and said “wow” to her friends.
Now I’m going to go look at pictures of David Conrad until my heebie jeebies go away.