In which I don’t write the obvious rant

A writer over at the popular site The Fanhouse, Clay Travis, who also has a radio show on an FM station in Nashville, published an article today called “The Terrible Towel is Terribly Stupid,” and Steeler Nation is well, aghast is really the only word to describe it.

Let’s also throw words like disgusted, enraged, frothing at the mouth, and blind with fury into the recipe of angst we’re cooking up here.

Clay writes things like, “Talk to any Steelers fan for more than three minutes and they’ll mention their stupid towel.”

And this:

How dare you insult the towel, they say, dabbing their eyes with the towel? Yep, the towel’s more important to Pittsburgh than the two other things that most characterize the city: 1. the three dirty rivers that surround the Steel City and 2. all the fans fleeing it for better places to live. (The reason people think there are so many Steeler fans in the country isn’t because there are so many, it’s because everyone leaves Pittsburgh the moment they have the opportunity to live anywhere else).

He goes on to insult Myron Cope, our city, our intelligence, our team, you, me … YOUR MOTHER.

Oh, no he di’int. [snap snap snap]

Girl, he did.

He bashed it all. He said:

The Terrible Towel means nothing. It’s the dumbest, most absurd symbol in all of professional sports. The only thing dumber than the Terrible Towel? People who take offense when the towel is disrespected. Seriously, there are people who do this.

It goes on and on like that.

And on.

And on.

So much so that by the time you reach the end of the article, you’re just frantically looking for a place to put your anger.

In the comments? In your blog? In your facebook status bar? In a post-it note stuck to a flaming bag of poop left on his doorstep in Nashville? On his face via a fist?

So of course the emails started to me. “Isn’t this disgusting?” “Doesn’t this make you ANGRY?”

WOULDN’T YOU LIKE TO PUNCH HIM IN THE THROAT SO HARD YOU TEAR HIM A NEW MOUTH IN THE BACK OF HIS HEAD?

Aren’t you going to exhort your minions to rise up, take arms, and cut down this scourge upon our Nation of Steel?

In short … no.

I’m not going to rant and rave. I’m not going to tell people to leave comments. I’m not going to wage war on the advertisers of the site. I’m not going to tweet him or tell you to tweet him or tell Troysus to tweet him.

Because, Pittsburgh, listen to me. THAT IS WHAT HE WANTED.

That is why he wrote the article. It is so over the top with insults that this clearly isn’t a case of misinformation or even a case of a journalist writing with a bias.  This blows bias out of the water.

The author didn’t write this for hate’s sake. He wrote this for hits’ sake.

Had he written it with an ounce of journalistic integrity, he’d have realized the proceeds from the sales of the towel go to a higher cause than the Steelers, and he’d have mentioned it. He’d have written an opinion piece that the towel is nothing special, and Steeler Nation would have shrugged, left a few nasty comments and moved on.

He went into this to get fans as pissed off as he could, so that they’d email it to all their friends all, “I CANNOT BELIEVE THIS GUY!”

Then they would email it to their friends and on to their friends and the next thing you know, Lamarr Woodley is on Twitter linking everyone to the article and the comments section is filled with pages and pages of angry, misspelled, cuss-riddled, name-calling, poorly thought out posts in defense of the towel.

Do you suppose the author is watching the hits climb up and up into the millions and millions and is saying to himself, “Aw. Shucks. I made a lot of people very angry and now I’ve got Lamarr Woodley mad at me. Boo hoo.  Woe is me. I quit. I’m writing a retraction tomorrow and begging the forgiveness of Pittsburgh, its people, and its ex-pats, and then I’m going to find me an Ouija Board and pray to the Ghost of Myron Cope that he doesn’t decide to smite me with moobs and a fourth nipple come morning.”

That’s not what he’s doing at all.

He’s thrilled! This is what he wanted.  He’s patting himself on the back and his bosses are telling him, “Well done! Your next article is going to be called, ‘Pat Tillman was an Asshole.'”

He wanted one thing and one thing only … viral hits, and he’s getting them.

He’s not worth your anger and he’s not worth your hastily typed-out retorts.

And he’s certainly not worth the hits.





68 Comments


  1. Dan
    January 27, 2011 3:02 pm

    I would like to flag POLITICALPARTYPOOPER

    Towel raises money for a great cause

    Enough said

    ok one more thing…stadium looks badass when everyone is twirling one.

    And I’m pretty sure that lady who started eating couch cushions started off by thinking a cheese head was really made of cheese.



  2. BeauJacques
    January 27, 2011 3:04 pm

    @Butcher’sDog-

    I do fine in biker bars! :-)



  3. CarolineFB
    January 27, 2011 3:43 pm

    As always, well said.



  4. TripleC
    January 27, 2011 4:32 pm

    C’mon now…the poor guys lives in TN for the love of god. Maybe we should give him a break?



  5. Burgh is the Word
    January 27, 2011 10:40 pm

    Tell ya what..

    “He’s thrilled! This is what he wanted. He’s patting himself on the back and his bosses are telling him, “Well done! Your next article is going to be called, ‘Pat Tillman was an Asshole.’”

    That is one of the funniest things I have read on the internet in a long time. I laughed so hard it sounded weird to me while I was doing it. I am laughing now just remembering how hard I laughed when I read that.

    Fine Work.



  6. Different Brian
    January 27, 2011 10:53 pm

    What a perfectly timed article. See, cause I just got back from Nashville, and I visited LP Field. Great place. They have this great exhibit where they have all six of their Lombardi Trophies on display. Oh, it was marvelous. You should really look into visiting that hallowed ground someday.

    Oh wait, that DIDNT happen in Nashville, now did it?



  7. Wendielu
    January 28, 2011 12:26 am

    Dude, I lived in Nashville for 14 years, sold radio, sold print, listened to my fair share of talk radio, and I have never heard of this dude. He’s a hack trying to get attention. And he’s winning! ugh. Next he’ll be on the Today show like that homeless guy.

    Eff him. Just effing eff him in his stupid cakehole.



  8. Lindsey
    January 28, 2011 12:56 am

    The shit talking is unnecessary. Responding to the comments of those challenging our team, our city, our fans, our towels… our Myron…all unnecessary. No need to get nasty Steeler Nation. There are facts that even the most ignorant people cannot refute. We have a beautiful city that directors are flocking to film their movies in. We have an awesome football team who have won more Lombardi trophies than any other. A team that is made up of men who give back to this city, and truly love it as if they were born here, and that have adopted it as their own. No one is perfect. Every team has at least one player with a questionable past or blip of their radar. Everyone does. And anyone who claims not to is lying. Our towels may be a bit corny or silly, but they are for a good cause, they make us happy, they bring us hope, and we believe in them. Nearly every other team has a copy. So, if they’re so stupid, then why did everyone else follow our stupid lead? Myron is an icon in Pittsburgh and all of football. He has left a legacy that will never die. Ours fans are die hard. Our fans will travel all over the country to support our team. We have more fans spread across the world then most other teams.

    Pittsburghers love this city, and our Steelers, and our towels, and Myron…and why shouldn’t we? It’s our city. If you don’t love it all…good. You don’t have to. I don’t love your team or your city or your silly fan prop. And I don’t have to. If you don’t believe in the power of the towel…fabulous. Maybe it’s a coincidence that bad luck has befallen of those who have disrespected it previously…and maybe it’s not :-).



  9. BeauJacques
    January 28, 2011 6:51 am

    Yeah!!!

    What @Lindsey, #58 said!!!

    And Clay: Off is the direction which we prefer you to fuck!! :-)



  10. BeauJacques
    January 28, 2011 10:25 am

    @PolPartyPooper-

    Stock up on the Prozac, beeatch!! :-)



  11. POLITICALPARTYPOOPER
    January 28, 2011 10:29 am

    PensFan024…

    wow..where to start.

    1. Green Bay has been called Titletown since the early 60’s.

    2. No one travels better than Steeler nation? Are you kidding me? Did you watch the Atlanta game? The Bears game? On the road, we filled the Atlanta dome, and viewers could clearly hear Packer nation in the dome. In Chicago, again, viewers could hear the Packer nation, every time John Kuhn touched the ball. Mind you, that’s in Chicago playing against our oldest rivalry…the oldest rivalry in football, against a team that prides itself on selling it’s stadium out every game every year.

    3. The waiting list for season tickets to Packer games at Lambeau field is several times larger than the actual seating capacity of the stadium. We’re talking a list hundreds of years long.

    4. Of course my homer is showing! I’m a packer fan! What did you expect?

    5. Green Bay is America’s team. You have 9 sports bars in Philadelphia? Wow. What an accomplishment…in Pennsylvania, of all places. 9 whole Sports bars. Amazing. Packer nation is worldwide, just as Steeler nation is. Everywhere you go, you’ll find Packer fanatics, including Pittsburgh. I doubt you’ll find a Steeler Sport Bar in Green Bay, but you’re welcome to try.

    That you would even indicate that Dallas might be America’s team is pathetic, and it just proves the point that you are uncertain of your team’s right to that name. No Packer fan would even give thought to the idea that Dallas might have a claim on that name. It’s simply nonsense.

    6. No charges have been brought against Brett Favre, either. Now, ask me if I think he’s guilty.

    Where there’s smoke, there’s fire. Ben has been in the midst of situations like the one last offseason before. it’s not new. The league suspended him, and Ben didn’t have a word to say about it. What does that tell you? Stop defending a guy who uses his position for personal gratification. He’s an idiot, and a damned good quarterback. But he’s an idiot first.

    7. As for Lambeau being Mecca, every time Terry Bradshaw, John Madden, Al Michaels, Dan Dierdorff, Chris Collinsworth, Joe Buck, etc, etc, etc, do a game at Lambeau, they call it the Mecca, or at the very least, a place you have to go see if you are at all a fan of football. I don’t ever hear that about Heinz field.

    8. I think what bothers you most is that a fan-owned team from a city of 90,000 people is about to show the nation how to beat the Steelers in a Super Bowl. People love the Packers because they are unique. Publicly owned, and from by far, the smallest market in America.

    I’ll grant that the Steelers are a great team. I have absolutely nothing against them except for Ben. But this Super Bowl belongs to the Pack. They’re a team that lost over 90 games by starters to injury, and still has 15 on IR. The defenses are similar between the two teams, but all we in Green Bay hear about is how the Steelers are going to play smash mouth football…as if Green Bay can’t bring the lumber. You aren’t playing the Browns in the Super Bowl. You’re playing a team that has a defense as good as yours, with a secondary that is damn hard to pass against, and damn hard to run against. Yes, we suck on special teams, but that didn’t stop us from reaching the Super Bowl, and it won’t prevent a victory either. This team has been overcoming adversity since the opening of camp, when one of our criminals (starting nose tackle) was suspended for an entire year for his infraction. Too bad the same didn’t happen to Ben. He’ll be back at his idioting ways soon enough.

    Prediction:

    BEN ROTHLESBERGER WON’T NEED TO EAT GREENS FOR A MONTH AFTER THE SUPER BOWL…HE’LL BE EATING GRASS ALL DAY LONG ON FEB 6. :D

    By the way…your homer is showing as well.

    Good luck. Enjoy the game!

    PPP



  12. empirechick
    January 28, 2011 11:44 am

    PPP –

    Of course you should root for your team – that’s what fans do. And I understand being excited about your first title shot in 14 years – we were in the same place for Super Bowl XL. But the Packers simply are not America’s Team. They just aren’t, and attempting to back your claim up with a single sports bar in Philadelphia is laughable. Popular and well traveled, yes. But far and away the country’s favorite team? Not hardly. (And the reason Dallas enters into a logical discussion is the amount of merchandise they sell. Doesn’t matter what your cheesehead heart says, the numbers don’t lie.)

    I think Green Bay is a storied franchise and this year’s team is certainly a force to be reckoned with. No one in Pittsburgh thinks the Packers are on par with the Browns, but the Steelers are a damn sight better than the Eagles and Bears.

    So far I’ve been having a hard time working up any sport hate for this game, as there isn’t anything to really dislike about the Packers (aside from Clay Matthews’ hair, but that’s a different topic). But maybe, just maybe, PPP will manage to change my mind!



  13. bucdaddy
    January 28, 2011 11:56 am

    I’m a packer fan.

    Alferd Packer? Well, people DO taste like chicken … or so I’ve hea …

    Oh wait, you mean you’re a PackerS fan and a member of PackerS Nation.

    NOW you make (a tiny morsel of) sense.

    (See why the S is important?)



  14. Matt DC
    January 28, 2011 12:17 pm

    He got a few things backwards. (1) A lot of us do leave the ‘Burgh, but only because the demand for quality people around the country draws from the best source. (2) The towel is kinda stupid, but I thought simplicity was the whole point. Cheeseheads and dogbones take “stupid” to a whole ‘nother level. (3) And expat Steeler fans do not brag about their towels — the envious Non-Burghers invariably raise the subject first. Just last night, at a restaurant in Paris, I was asked whether I had my Terrible Towel. “Of course not,” I replied. “That would be stupid. It’s back at my hotel room.” Towel-envy is a common insecurity of non-Burghers. But it’s a simple fact that our towels are bigger than the French towels.



  15. Lee
    January 28, 2011 2:39 pm

    @BeauJacques

    What is with you? Seriously?
    “First of all, what kind of pansy-ass name is “Clay?”

    This from the guy with the “super tough” name like BeauJacques?

    Because, obviously, the problem Steeler Nation should have with this guy’s column is not that he insults us, it’s that his name is ‘pansy-ass.’

    I have a theory about guys like you…



  16. BeauJacques
    January 28, 2011 3:52 pm

    @Lee-

    Are you a girl?



  17. Ms. Redd
    January 30, 2011 1:02 pm

    I live in WI, near Lambeau Field, through no fault of my own. So, last night on the news, they showed the Packer “Championship Towels”, same size and shape as our beloved Terrible towels, except they are green and white (two choices). But here is the worst part- they are being made in the same place in Baraboo WI as our TTs are made. Really….



  18. VAgirl
    January 31, 2011 8:50 pm

    Beay, loved the pics. I was going to email Clay and send him some love. Really nice smarmy type. Kill em with kindness then Monday morning, hahahaha.