What They’re Really Thinking: Media Day Edition

The Tuesday before the Super Bowl is Media Day, and that means … SHENANIGANS! TOMFOOLERY! PEOPLE IN SUPER HERO COSTUMES! HIJINKS!

And a super long What They’re Really Thinking: Media Day Edition.

Enjoy it, Burghers, because this may be the last one of the season if those kids don’t get their ten thousand dollars. WHERE’S YOUR GOD, NOW?!

Hee. I kid.

But no, really. No WTRT: Super Bowl Edition unless we hit $10,000 on Monday.

I bet if you count your change up, you have three dollars you can give us? Yes? Please?

Let’s talk tomfoolery. Shenanigans! Hijinks! People in — ah, you get the picture.

1. Going back to Monday, which was travel day, the Steelers arrived in style, particularly Hines Ward, who takes Texas srsly.

Well dill my pickle.

Or whatever.

2.  Also on arrival day, it became evidently clear that Brett Keisel’s transformation into a garden gnome is almost complete.

Luckily, Brett resurfaced in his normal size after drinking Embiggen. The new energy drink.

3. We interrupt this What They’re Really Thinking to say: If Viagra ever makes an energy drink, they should call it Embiggen.

Thank you, Hines. You don’t have to try so hard.

4. The next day dawned and the players prepped to face the media for relentless questioning.

That man in the background is either the badassest badass that ever badassed, or he’s escaped from the hospital. Who can know?

5. Brett Keisel’s beard was of course the talk of media day, because it is astounding. He began entertaining the media by pulling random things from its scraggly depths:

The most amazing thing? That’s a JUMP ROPE he’s pulling out of there! AND IT’S WRAPPED AROUND A BUICK.

6. We interrupt this What They’re Really Thinking to say SQUEEE! TYLER GRISHAM!

Me gusta mucho very muchisimo!

7. Maurkice Pouncey spent the day trying to convince reporters he has a “75% chance” of playing on Sunday.

You guys, if he ends up playing, I will eat my hat. I will EAT IT and I will tape myself eating it and I will post it on YouTube. Me. Eating my hat. Nom.

8. Penalty-prone Chris Kemoeatu was kind enough to be a walking public service announcement warning of the dangers of what could happen if you too were to let a rabid gopher cut your hair. With its teeth.

Apparently someone said, ‘There will never be hair worse than the Mullethawkenberger” and Chris said, “CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.”

9. It can be a bit daunting on Media Day if you’re a female sports reporter caught up in a tsunami of testosterone and Axe spray. You have to maintain your cool. Be professional. Show you know your football just as well as the men do. Earn their respect.

Like Mexican television reporter Ines Sainz, the woman the Jets got in trouble for cat-calling and whatnot in their locker room. She doesn’t want attention. Not at all.

Unfortunately, her attempt at blending in failed miserably.

Benny almost had an aneurysm, I heard.

Poor poor Ines Sainz. I do not know how she bears that cross.

10. Jason Worilds spent the day doing anything to get reporters to pay attention to him.

I smell desperation. And Axe.

I’m kidding! Don’t email me mean letters.

11. We interrupt this What They’re Really Thinking to say: If Axe makes an energy drink, they should call it Desesperado.

Okay, Hines. That’s quite enough.

12. Finally, I would just like to say in my defense about the fact that I didn’t know who the hell Random Dude Named Brown was up until last week, some of his teammates still aren’t sure who he is.

I rest my case.

You want more on Monday? Clicky the Donate linky button up there!





23 Comments

  1. Bitter
    February 2, 2011 11:38 pm

    Donate, check! Can’t wait for Super Bowl WTRT!!!



  2. AngryMongo
    February 2, 2011 11:43 pm

    That was worth the $20. Buick! LMAO!
    And is it me or is Ben beginning to look like Morgan Grimes?



  3. Mike Frazer
    February 3, 2011 12:28 am

    LOOKIT! FORTY-FOUR! WE HAVE A FRIGGIN’ TANK SIGHTING!

    And is it just me, or does Larry Foote look like someone out of a Kung Fu movie?



  4. LaReina
    February 3, 2011 8:51 am

    Who is seated between Tomlin and Ward in the team picture? Do we have a mascot?



  5. Stacey
    February 3, 2011 10:07 am

    Thank you for making it so easy to donate! That takes like 2 seconds…



  6. Ya Jagoff
    February 3, 2011 10:09 am

    The Keisel gnome photo is CLASSIC!!!! Are you in Dallas or are you just gettin’ good photos sent back?



  7. calipanthergrl
    February 3, 2011 10:14 am

    Love the post and HIMYM references, as always.

    The only thing that would have made #7 better is if you had hit Pouncey with a H.O.P. (if you don’t know what I’m talking about … check out Deion’s twitter feed)



  8. Frantastic
    February 3, 2011 10:17 am

    Thanks for the great laugh! I gave my Lincolns to the cause. I challenge those reading (and laughing) to do the same.



  9. Pingback: Tweets that mention That's Church » What They’re Really Thinking: Media Day Edition -- Topsy.com

  10. bluzdude
    February 3, 2011 11:08 am

    The Keisel/Gnome pic made me laugh out loud at work, which made me clamp my hands over my mouth. Which made brainial material shoot out my ears.

    And I’m in for MRFK. So if, by some travesty of nature, the 10K mark is NOT hit, you still have to write WTWRT and send it only to the cool kids who donated.



  11. steeler_tom
    February 3, 2011 11:17 am

    I’m with bluzdude! Send it out to those of us who are loyal enough to dontate. (hey! We know an awesome thing when we see it. right?)



  12. bucdaddy
    February 3, 2011 11:38 am

    *wipes tears from eyes*

    Jeebus, this is funny.

    Well done!



  13. Erin
    February 3, 2011 11:46 am

    LaReina, I was wondering the same thing. Anyone?
    Also, Hiiiii Heath Miller in the group photo, you cutie patootie you!



  14. Jill
    February 3, 2011 12:08 pm

    Ok, my donation is in!

    This was awesome – thanks!



  15. H
    February 3, 2011 12:34 pm

    The woman between Tomlin and Ward works for the Steelers. She does a lot of the writing for steelers.com, including the Playoff Diary segment.

    BTW, if you have never read it, you really need to read the Playoff Diary. She gives great behind the scenes insight to what goes on for the team each day of the playoffs and Super Bowl week. The pictures are especially good, because they are ones that the regular media would either never have the opportunity to take or would never think to take.



  16. LaReina
    February 3, 2011 2:08 pm

    Thanks, H. She was just an unfamiliar face – and quite clearly a lot smaller than the behemoths surrounding her in the team photo!



  17. Sooska
    February 3, 2011 2:31 pm

    Inez looks like one of the 10,000 strippers Dallas is supposed to be lacking for Super Bowl week. Is that a runway she’s walking? Where’s the pole?



  18. GF
    February 3, 2011 2:32 pm

    Ginny — you’ve outdone your bad self. Thank you!

    You had me at Keisel Gnome… genius.

    Donation done. Easy – Peasy for the kids — bring on the Super Bowl WTRT!!



  19. Aileen
    February 3, 2011 2:40 pm

    Chris Kemoeatu must have found a photo of Jaromir Jagr from 1991 and thought “hmmm… I can do that. I can definitely go with that look..”



  20. unsatisfied
    February 3, 2011 3:37 pm

    I wonder if harrison would have given a little different reaction to ines if it had been her who interviewed him….instead of the podium-stealing nutbag from the NFL network…



  21. StillerFanOHIO
    February 3, 2011 4:32 pm

    Donation done, please post WTRT on Monday …pleeeeeeeeeeseeeee!!!! They make my week!



  22. Lauryn
    February 3, 2011 5:01 pm

    Thanks for making me laugh today!! Jason Worilds is one awesome Hokie. I’m so stoked for Sunday!



  23. Clementine
    February 3, 2011 9:52 pm

    6. TyTy nomnom is married??!! (sob)