We haven’t talked too much about the Pens lately because I’ve been so wrapped up in Steelers news.
Now that the Steelers have pooped out (OMG. I am going to beat this dead poop horse until it poops more poop), we can focus on what’s really important right now, and that is this:
WTF IS GOING ON?!
First, Sidney Crosby, the victim of a head hit, has been out with a “mild concussion” for ten years now. It seems. The timetable for his return is “WE DON’T EFFING KNOW BECAUSE HE WENT HOME TO NOVA SCOTIA.”
Add to that that Geno, who was previously out this season because of his shoulder and also a sinus infection, is now out for six months with a busted knee. SIX MONTHS. Today is February. March. April. May. June. July. August. Eff.
Add to that, Matt Cooke getting suspended for four games for a dirty hit.
Add to that, Letetsu out, whose name makes me think of the tsetse fly.
Add to that that I’m on a diet and it’s making me punchy.
What’s that spell? Let me do the math for you.
Sidney out + Geno out + TseTse flies + Cookie out + Angry Diet + I want a cookie now = Hockey hell.
Yesterday, we lost 4-1 to the Columbus Blue Jackets, which I assure you, against all odds, is an actual NHL team.
I’m not saying we’re going to fall apart. I’m not saying we won’t make the playoffs. I’m not saying Sidney won’t be back.
We’re still in second place in our division under the Flyers [patooie patooie]. We’re in fourth place in our conference.
We’re still doing okay. We have a lot of heart. A lot of grit.
I’m just saying I’m worried.
And I want Sid back.
And I want a cookie.