1. My son has this really endearing/annoying habit of memorizing commercials for As Seen on TV products like that upside down tomato plant thing or something he calls the Shark Vac which he assures me would “suck that bag of goldfish crackers right up, no problem.” He often says things to me like, “You need an EZ Cracker for that egg” or “Call now; they’ll double the offer.”
He’s been telling me for weeks we need some gadget that we can stick our toothbrushes into and toothpaste will magically squirt out.
Then I finally saw the commercial for the contraption, in which a woman, or a giant box of rocks wearing a woman costume, is trying to squeeze toothpaste out of a tube the regular old way and she is confused and can’t do it and tries to punch it and oh, gosh, she squirted the whole tube out, because apparently putting toothpaste on a toothbrush is harder than threading a needle while riding the space shuttle side-saddle during reentry into the Earth’s atmosphere.
She throws the tube down in exasperation.
I turn the television off and tell my kid he’s not allowed to watch the commercials during SpongeBob anymore.
2. PopCity has a feature on Burgh singer Melinda Colaizzi, who I now love.
First, she’s beautiful. Second, she can SANG.
3. Detroit … is sad, and scary. From everything I read, it has become a burnt out shell of its former self. Here’s a Next Page in the Post-Gazette that I just recently found time to read, in which Burgher Ben Schmitt recounts his “escape” from Detroit after a particularly terrifying night.
It’s a must read not only so you can understand what Detroit is like right now, but also so you can appreciate what we have here in Pittsburgh.
4. I love this. The Superhero Run here in Pittsburgh will take place on April 30th and it benefits CASA. You can register now and you are encouraged to … ready? RUN IN THE COSTUME OF YOUR FAVORITE SUPERHERO!
Can you imagine if someone was driving along, unaware that this event was taking place, when suddenly a throng of superheroes goes racing past. He’d be all, “Shit. Something is UP.”
If I could run any distance without my lungs bleeding and my legs quitting, I’d run this race dressed as PigeonKilling Girl.
Guess what my super power would be. You’ll never guess!
5. Reader Brian in Virginia sent me a picture of his and his wife’s license plates.
It’s not every day you see a Lincoln with a Yinzer plate.
6. Dear reader Katie with a Juno email address. I tried to email you back, but your address was wrong. Just wanted to say thanks for what you wrote.
7. TMZ has a picture of the shirts that we all would be wearing had the Steelers won the Super Bowl and it sucks because you guys, that black one is kinda badass:
Say it with me.
[kicks the dead horse]