All flabbered up in the gaster.

Because they can’t give their readers enough chances to write comments that include multiple appearances of the words rape, rapist, and Rapelisberger, TMZ is covering the upcoming Ben Roethlisberger nuptials like he’s the Prince of Wales taking a commoner for a bride.

Not only does TMZ have a copy of Ben’s Save The Date card as seen below:

 

But they also have he and his bride-to-be’s Macy’s registry which includes things like a $200 bedding set, a $75 frame, a $7.50 napkin, a travel steamer, luggage locks, a couch.

My thoughts:

1. Someone who Benny or his fiance considers a friend is selling info to TMZ. We can only hope we’re going to get some at-the-altar twitpics out of this.

2. When I was engaged to my husband, I was 24 and clueless. I went to my favorite store to register for gifts at the behest of my mother. So there I was in Target — the word you are searching for, once again, is classy — and I was holding a register gun scanner, and had no idea what to register for. I’d never “kept house.”  I’d never “cooked.” Whatever that is. So I just started scanning things that seemed appropriate. Like a little kid playing house. “Let’s see. I’ll need two bath towels. And 30 different spatulas. And a pony. Where are the ponies?”

When I was done, I had seriously scanned two bath towels, two washclothes, one mixing bowl, a bazillion Michael Graves kitchen utensils, and one storage canister. The medium-sized one. Like Goldilocks, I thought the small one seemed too small and the big one seemed too big. The medium one was just right for all the things I was going to store in my kitchen over the next decade or so.

When I returned to my mother’s house that day, she looked at my registry, said something about “where did I go wrong?,” and sent me back out.

Why am I telling you this? Because I like to make it all about me.

And you think I’m not self-aware.

But, Internet, FILTHY RICH PEOPLE WHO ARE RECOGNIZED AS FILTHY RICH AND FAMOUS ALL OVER THE WORLD HAVE WEDDING REGISTRIES AT MACY’S?!?

Seriously? Like, do William and Kate have a wedding registry? Do people gift the future king and queen of England the bath towels for whatever castle they’ll live in?

There are going to be middle-class people at that wedding giving Ben Roethlisberger, a bazillionaire, a set of luggage locks?

3. Can’t he just give his fiance his Amex Black Card and then tell the wedding guests to donate to charity or something? For this reason alone, I hope this is a gag registry that someone created just to mess with TMZ.

I guess I’m just flabbergasted they even have a registry. I’m flabbergasted it’s at Macy’s. I’m flabbergasted that I don’t use the word flabbergasted more. It’s a fun word.

Most of all, I’m flabbergasted they registered for a couch.

How the hell do you wrap that thing?

 





58 Comments


  1. LaReina
    March 1, 2011 2:59 pm

    Those TSA locks are worthless. I had them on my suitcase the last time I went to Europe – and TSA stole them. Seriously, I got to Paris and VOILA! no lock on my bag.



  2. Dan (Not Onorato)
    March 1, 2011 4:24 pm

    Seriously? Who really cares? I mean unless youre invited to the wedding or shower and if thats the case donate money to a charity if you want.

    Cant believe were gonna have to worry about this until July 23rd.

    Cant wait til Sally Freakin Wiggin gets the first “Only on 4” interview with Ben and his fiance



  3. la
    March 1, 2011 5:24 pm

    I wonder where the bachelor party is going to be…



  4. Tom
    March 1, 2011 9:59 pm

    Mary Says:
    I hope she registered for some penicillin.

    Why, have you been with Ben?



  5. Sexy Jesus
    March 1, 2011 10:33 pm

    Has anyone told Ben that a wife can (and will) say no. Gonna be awkward when he is accused of rape in Michigan as well … Wait, am I the only one who assumed that he was going for a sexual assault in all 50 states?



  6. Dave
    March 1, 2011 11:21 pm

    “Has anyone told Ben that a wife can (and will) say no. Gonna be awkward when he is accused of rape in Michigan as well … Wait, am I the only one who assumed that he was going for a sexual assault in all 50 states?”

    Attempt at humor = FAIL



  7. Julie
    March 2, 2011 10:37 am

    Those of you trying to take swipes at Ben are seriously lame. The farther away we get from the incident the more you are going to look like idiots when you make comments like that.



  8. JennyMoon
    March 2, 2011 11:21 am

    Good one Mary! Attempt at humor = WIN