Three Conversations

1.  While attempting to get downtown on Friday evening for dinner with friends, I found myself not moving on the Parkway East in bumper to bumper traffic near the Blvd. of the Allies off ramp in the pouring rain when my phone buzzed with a text.

Woy: Did you just park? I think I’m looking at your car.

Me: Nope.

Me: Almost there. I have no umbrealla. den.

Me. Eel.

Woy. Ok. LOL.

Me: Egg. Eek.

Me: dyac

Woy: Autocorrect meltdown.

Woy: Are you still drunk from the other night?

Me: Lol.

Me: Parkway is a clusterfuck.

Woy: Northbound 279 is a parking lot. I’m here drinking at the bar with very cultured peoples.

Me: Going to be Kate.

Me: Late.

Me: Srsly.

Me: My phone is a Dick.

Woy: Holy shit. I’m going to save this.

Me: I like how it capitalized Dick. Raging Dick. Sounds like an Indian. Chief Raging Dick.

Aside from the obvious that no one is immune to an autocorrect meltdown, I also share this with you because Chief Raging Dick would make a great band name.

2. I have a cold. My husband is from Mexico. Sometimes, his medical science concerns me.

Him: Here, eat some fresh chicken soup I made.

Me: [general sounds of dying alive]

Him: Here, put some cayenne pepper on it.  Spicy foods activate your body’s natural defense mechanism.

Me: You’re cute. Say focus for me.

Spicy foods activate your body’s natural defense mechanism?

So, like, you eat spicy food and your immune system is suddenly awoken from slumber all FIRE IN THE HOLE! KILL THE INVADING INFIDEL GERMS!

Is this true or am I just going to wind up with a stomach ulcer and burny pee?

3. Conversation the Third.

Me: Why did Johnny Depp wear a Pittsburgh Prowlers shirt while filming Rango?

Me: Who cares? He’s hot.

Me: Word. Hey, is your stomach burning like mine?

(h/t Amanda)

 





35 Comments

  1. Kathy
    March 7, 2011 1:19 pm

    He’s right. It’s actually great for a lot of things, including increasing your metabolism. In case you drank some fruity drinks with Woy when you got there. actually, the increases metabolism may be why it’s good for colds. and you’re right… you may get an upset tummy too.



  2. Joe K.
    March 7, 2011 1:28 pm

    “General sounds of dying alive.”

    I thought Jaromir Jagr left town ten years ago?



  3. gunnlino
    March 7, 2011 1:38 pm

    Is there a way to turn off Auto Correct ?



  4. plexxer
    March 7, 2011 1:42 pm

    Clusterfuck is my favorite declarative expletive.



  5. bluzdude
    March 7, 2011 2:04 pm

    I first heard it as “a Mongolian clusterfuck,” but it’s obviously been shortened over the years. Perhaps the Mongolian Lobby is stronger than I thought.



  6. SpudMom
    March 7, 2011 2:12 pm

    Bluz – I first heard it as “a flying Mongolian clusterfuck.” As in, “I don’t give a flying Mongolian clusterfuck where the Mayor is, Snowmageddon is upon us and we need him!”



  7. Me
    March 7, 2011 2:16 pm

    Mongolian Clusterfuck is a great punk band name. Course it’d have to be Mongolian Clusterf*** for the posters. Their first album would be “Goin’ All Genghis Khan on Your A**.” There would be a lot of asterisks involved with that band.



  8. Spanky
    March 7, 2011 2:26 pm

    Anyone seen last nights undercover boss with the homie mayor of Cincinnati picking up dead aminals? Ya think Luke wood do the same?



  9. Duncan
    March 7, 2011 2:28 pm

    Johnny Depp is a dirty, sleezy bag o’ shit. I’m glad you like him… (rolley eyes). I do like the shirt however.

    I liked the AutoCorrect conversation.



  10. LaReina
    March 7, 2011 2:34 pm

    Depp is hot in a kind of “looks like he smells of rotting rat feces, nearly empty IC Light cans, crack pipes and banana peels” kind of way.



  11. jdp
    March 7, 2011 2:35 pm

    Have you ever been to:

    http://damnyouautocorrect.com/

    TG I don’t have one of those kinds of phones. I go there just to laugh hysterically, esp on a bad day.



  12. MadMax
    March 7, 2011 3:52 pm

    re: #1- Texting in traffic? [baaad]

    re: #2- Burning mouth up with pepper is same
    as smacking your thumb with a hammer
    so you don’t feel the knot on your
    head you got 2 minutes prior.

    re: #3- A) rare, B) it’s nice shade green, C) Steelers lost



  13. Sooska
    March 7, 2011 4:03 pm

    #1 see now I first heard it as “flying fuck” as in “I don’t give a FF.” I first heard clusterfuck when my cousin came home from Viet Nam. Mongolia was not mentioned.

    #2 hot Mexican husband is correct as others have noted. I still miss JJ, his spectaular skillz and his gorgeousness. Don’t care if he was moody.

    #3 Johnny Depp is a clusterfuck of unkempt and dirty ick.

    What, or who, are the Prowlers? Were they here when I was not?



  14. Margaret
    March 7, 2011 4:32 pm

    @MadMax – she said she was sitting at a standstill/parking lot on the interstate. If she wasn’t moving, I’d say it’s OK for her to text. Once the vehicle moves, though, yes, texting is BAD.

    @gunnlino- I just figured out that I can turn the autotext off on my Droid Incredible. I’m sure it can be turned off on all phones with that feature. I’ve texted some funny stuff because of autotext but, I’ve found that now that it’s off, I do miss it a bit.



  15. Beatrice
    March 7, 2011 4:35 pm

    Johnny Depp? Extremely hot.



  16. Margaret
    March 7, 2011 4:36 pm

    One conversation:

    After telling my 7 year old son several times over the weekend that he was just about to get on my last nerve:

    Son: Mommy, what exactly is going to happen if I DO get on your last nerve??

    Me: You don’t wanna know, dear. You really don’t wanna know…..

    He’s smart – he accepted that answer and walked away.



  17. Butcher's Dog
    March 7, 2011 4:41 pm

    Into what alternate universe have I wandered where Johnny Depp is hot? Along with crack pipes and nearly-empty cans of IC Light? Transport me back to the planet where the sky is blue, please.



  18. Ex-Pat Pittsburgh Girl
    March 7, 2011 4:58 pm

    Sorry, but texting while the driver, even when you are at a standstill, is not safe. You never know when the guy behind you, next to you, heading in the opposite direction, etc… is going to slam into you, get pushed into you, cross into your lane, etc… Just my opinion.



  19. JenEngland
    March 7, 2011 5:19 pm

    Johnie Depp IS hot, for sure. But the first question that comes to mind when I see this pics isn’t why is he wearing a Pittsburgh Prowlers shirt, but What the heck else is he wearing?? Is that a kilt?? Or am I just old and blind?



  20. bluzdude
    March 7, 2011 5:19 pm

    Come to think of it, Asterisk would be a good band name in itself.



  21. Tam
    March 7, 2011 5:22 pm

    Depp makes me sad because he has the potential to be hawt – and chooses scungy instead. That autocorrect site is a riot.



  22. Stephen
    March 7, 2011 5:32 pm

    There is nothing wrong with texting while not moving. Especially in a gridlock situation when there is zero chance of lengthy or sudden movements. Caution otherwise is simply being overly paranoid.



  23. nettajean
    March 7, 2011 6:08 pm

    I second jdp’s comment of http://damnyouautocorrect.com

    Hilarity!



  24. Butcher's Dog
    March 7, 2011 6:44 pm

    Overly Paranoid would make a great band name as well. It should play especially well in places with stringent censorship standards.



  25. Beth
    March 7, 2011 6:55 pm

    1a) Auto correct is the only thing that frightens me about getting the iphone I have desperately wanted for so long. Less than two months now until I have that sleek, gorgeous piece of techonology in my hot little hand.
    1b) Ginny, you need to start taking the Wilkinsburg exit and going down Penn or something. Every other post you’re sitting on the parkway. It makes me a sad panda for you.



  26. MadMax
    March 7, 2011 10:05 pm

    @Stephen & Margeret

    I’m not as concerned about safety in that sort of situation as much as everyone is totally irritated by the
    “pausing” texters who don’t see the light turn green.



  27. bucdaddy
    March 7, 2011 11:25 pm

    What is “autocorrect” and why would you want one on your cell phone? I barely understand why most people need a “cell phone.” I can think of maybe four or five times in my life when I maybe kinda wished I had one, and they all involved decisions at the grocery store (like, “They don’t have this, should I get that?”) that I eventually made on my own. Occasionally I was wrong, but there’s no decision you can make at the grocery store that’s so wrong as to make $50-$100 a month worth spending.



  28. red pen mama
    March 8, 2011 10:38 am

    1. I let my children play with my phone (angry birds, FTW!) and they somehow activated my “swype” function. (As a total aside, WHY the misspelling? Why not “swipe”? WHY?) It’s driving me insane, and I can’t figure out how to disable it.

    2. Laughed aloud at “fire in the hole”. I think hot liquid plus hot spice is just going to make your nose run like a mofo. Which, I don’t know, maybe will wash out those germs? Good luck.



  29. red pen mama
    March 8, 2011 10:42 am

    @Me is funny.

    @bucdaddy, you forgot to tell us to get off your lawn. ;)



  30. bucdaddy
    March 8, 2011 10:51 am

    Just for you, Mama:

    Lawn, get off my.



  31. JudiB
    March 8, 2011 11:56 am

    Hot pepper…yes! And lots of garlic, too!!!

    Autocorrect site…HYSTERICAL!!!



  32. anna
    March 8, 2011 2:18 pm

    Hey :) I’m the random intern who said hi to you at CHP! So nice to meet you! Thanks for all you’re doing for the kids here–it’s so appreciated!



  33. gunnlino
    March 8, 2011 4:58 pm

    @ All of those who care, the original quote is ;

    “FIRE IN THE HOLD ” ! Meaning the hold of a ship at sea, meaning a disaster is at hand .

    Fire in the hole, on the other could mean another type of disaster, or create a completely different mental image .

    Yours to choose.



  34. red pen mama
    March 9, 2011 10:56 am

    Thanks, @bucdaddy. :)



  35. Adriane
    March 10, 2011 10:40 am

    Capsaicin in hot red peppers clears the sinuses and other mucus. A wonderful remedy for a head/chest cold is to take very hot water, squeeze in juice from a lemon wedge, and sprinkle with as much cayenne pepper as you can stand. Inhale the steam and sip it for 20+ minutes. It really, really helps breathing (which I found to be necessary to life), gunky throats, and when chased with a nice pain reliever, will make life much better when feeling ill.