1. Things I’ve never had:
- Shamrock Shake
- Nutella (I’m going to rectify this one very soon, because I’ve been told it is heaven in a jar)
2. While we’re listing things — what? Aren’t you listing things? Go ahead and list some things so I can say, “While we’re listing things …”
While we’re listing things, I’ve gotten the habit lately of researching weird words. Mostly because I’m often searching for the perfect word for something when I’ll stumble across a site that has strange words.
My recent favorite: Circumbilivagination.
It hints at circumcision and vaginas and maybe bile, but really just means “going around in a circular motion.”
Totally going to use this in a sentence. On my resume.
Or my gravestone.
3. While we’re talking about weird words, do you know that if you’re afraid of the word “circumbilivagination” you suffer from hippopotomonstrosesquippediliophobia? Seriously.
4. This has been a fun post, so far, has it not? Look at all the things you’ve already learned!
5. Here’s something else you can learn: What Hines Ward looks like as a ballroom dancer.
Ladies, while the men are busy putting out the fire in their genitals caused by that picture of Hines’ partner, I gotta say, I understand Hines Ward sends many a heart pitter-pattering, but mine?
That word is supposed to be the sound of my heart flat-lining. Also known as an onomatopoeia.
Did I just cause a flare up of your hippopotomonstrosesquippediliophobia?
5. I am not drunk.
6. While just surfing the WTAE site reading about the local man who expressed no remorse about starving his dogs to death, this headline appeared in the sidebar under “More Stories.”
Dog ate toes of diabetic owner as he slept.
First, no way am I clicking on that. Google it if you want the gory details.
Second, is there a word for “fear of dog eating your toes while you sleep”?
Caninaphalangicideaphobia sounds right.
7. Have you noticed this?
David Highfield before:
David Highfield now:
Dear David, THUMBS UP on the new look.
8. I don’t think I’ve linked to this yet from here, but I have a new post up at Pittsburgh Magazine about the amazing Waffle Shop billboard that you can rent for only $100 a week.
Whereas the “About Us” section of Waffle House’s website probably says something like, “We make waffles for you to eat,” but the “About” section of Waffle Shop’s website states, “The shop is a public lab that brings together people from all walks of life to engage in dialogue, experimentation and the co-production of culture.”
That’s incredibly cutting-edge—and for lack of a better word, cool. For a person who is paid to find better words, I bet my pay will be docked this month.
Go have a read. I came up with a dozen ideas for what to use it for! Including a little note to Lukey.
9. It is refreshing when you find a Steeler on twitter whose tweets are informative, funny, and, well, understandable.
Ike Taylor is NOT that Steeler.
I understand the words, but I don’t understand the STRINGS of words. Forget vowels; the man needs to buy some punctuation.
10. News today that Dan Bylsma has been given a three-year contract extension … AS HE SHOULD.
My God, the fact that he’s been able to string together ANY wins with the cut and pasted team he’s working with as of late, he deserves a freaking medal.
This is good news!
11. Also good news … the Pirates are playing .500 ball in the Grapefruit League play.
If you count the bitchslapping they gave those Manatees, they’re ABOVE .500 ball.
I’ll take what I can before the pain comes and drives me to drink, and if you think my Random n’at posts are silly when I’m sober, wait’ll you see them when I’m in the cups.
One word: hieroglyphics.
12. The next person who emails me to ask me if I’ve heard about the new Mike Tyson pigeon show is going to have their email address submitted to a plethora of embarrassing online newsletter subscriptions.
Starting with Impotence and You.