Biking, and creepy dolls, and kickball and cars, oh my!

I spoke at Pitt-Greensburg on Friday as part of their writer’s festival. The way the session was set up, I was to present briefly on my story. Who I am, what I did, and most of all, I’m afraid of walking out of this room and never feeling again  …

Wait. I just lapsed into Dirty Dancing dialogue, didn’t I?

Awkward.

Anyway, after spending about ten minutes talking about The Burgh Blog, quitting, revealing myself, getting my sorry self fired, and more, I took some questions from the audience.

Wait. I skipped something. As I sat near the stage waiting for the session to start, I noticed this near the corner of the small stage:

And I said, “CRAP! DO THEY THINK I’M GOING TO SHARE MY KICKASS BEAT POETRY WITH THEM ON THE FLY?!” I mean, I wasn’t prepared. I didn’t even bring my cigarettes with me. Or my beret and black turtleneck and anger!

Luckily, those weren’t there for me.

After I spoke, the students in the web writing course then each presented their blogs and I wanted to share them with you because they are pretty freaking awesome.

In the order they appear on my sheet:

Musings from FayetteNam: As you would expect, this blog is all about the amazing things that happen in Fayette County, where good taste goes to die, and is written by a student who is from Fayette County.  This post shares the recent story of the couple that fought each other with frying pans, and as she points out, the big question is whether they each had a frying pan to smack each other about the head with or if they shared a frying pan.  This is surely a mystery for CSI: Podunk.

Rolling Nomad: A mountain biking blog in which the author posts some really great snapshots. It’s truly a blog with a distinct voice that basically cracks my shit up for lines like this: “We put a turbo in the Nissan Juke so you can be as promiscuous with the ladies as you are with your music! I have a number of problems with this. I’ve never met a girl that was impressed out of her pants by car, let alone a Japanese economy suv thing. And lastly, putting a turbo in a car that looks like a retarded manatee trapped inside a Sketchers Shape-Up is not going to allow me to have ‘sexual relations with a number of partners on a casual basis.’ Unless I can find a girl that’s really turned on by sea-life and bad tennis shoes.” Awesome.

A Conscious Omnivore: Food blog written by Justin whose bio says, “For seventeen years corn was my favorite vegetable. Then I learned it was a grain.” LOL.  The goal of his new eating habits was to “slow down his food” and to help you see your food better too. Very interesting and kinda makes me feel embarrassed that I ate cookies for breakfast.

Girl’s a Gearhead: Rachel is probably many guys’ dream girl. She’s 22, adorable, and could probably rebuild the engine of your car. Her father is a mechanic, his father was a mechanic, two uncles on her father’s side are mechanics. Wait. Did I just lapse into My Cousin Vinny dialogue? Sorry. Her father is a mechanic and Rachel grew up around his shop and has helped him work on cars. She also drag races.  Think I’m exaggerating her love of cars? “But fortunately the motor turned over about twice and she breathed her first breaths of life! It was a really emotional, and loud, moment for me. Needless to say I burst into tears when it started. It was like all the work from the past 9 months just became real.”

The Alternative and the Underground: The writer classifies herself as Gothic and likes to talk and write about “weird” things, her most recent of which is her love of Little Apple Dolls, which she admits can look a little creepy. People. Burgh Baby. LOOK AT THESE CREEPY CREEPY DOLLS!

I want my Mommy and some sort of supernatural shield to stop them from eating my soul.

The Bassline: A music blog in which the author writes album reviews, mostly rock albums, as well as covers music news he finds interesting. Some recent bands he’s reviewed are The Architects, A Day to Remember, and Kids Icarus (WHAT A BAND NAME!). I’ve never heard of any of those. I clearly need to listen to less country music and more rock so that I can have meaningful music conversations that don’t have me saying at any point “Honky Tonk Badonkadonk.”

That Guy from Pitt-Greensburg: C.J. is the quintessential college guy who writes about life on the Pitt-Greensburg campus. I particularly liked his recent rant about why an event he played in was called “Old Skool Kickball” in which he questions the spelling of school and what the hell the difference is between old school and new school kickball.  You gotta read his “bottom line” on that post. Hilarious.

Finally!

Reality is the Twilight Zone: I think I have seen one part of one Twilight Zone episode way back when I was a preteen and it freaked me out so badly I never watched another. Like, it messed with my brain. In this blog, the author is going episode by episode of the Twilight Zone, her favorite show, and tells you the plot, the actors, the twist, and more. She includes screenshots from that episode and then relates that episode for present day things via a “Spin.” For instance, Episode 16 of Season 1 is about a hitchhiker and she then shares some news stories with you about “THIS IS WHY YOU DON’T STOP FOR HITCHHIKERS!”

Check the blogs out! You might find yourself adding a few of them to your Google Reader. I know I did.

And now, a poem for the web writing class at Pitt Greensburg:

I speak. [bongo beat] Shhh. You listened. [snap] I like to pretend I know what the hell I’m talking about. [snap snap] I don’t. [cigarette drag] But let’s pretend I do. [bongo beat] Little Apple Dolls are some freaky shit. [bongo beats] [throws beret into the crowd]

[takes a bow]





12 Comments

  1. Ang
    March 21, 2011 10:54 am

    You should consider signing this pledge and sharing it with others:

    http://www.r-word.org.

    Better yet, you could write a blog post about the issue, encourage people not to use such a derogatory word and help make the southwestern PA corner a better place.

    Think about it…



  2. Kathy
    March 21, 2011 11:02 am

    So, how happy will their parents be to find out their guest speaker got fired for her writing. :) haha. but remember moms and dads, she save orphans. :)



  3. Ali
    March 21, 2011 11:02 am

    I had cookies for breakfast as well (3 to be exact) – so don’t feel too embarrassed!



  4. Virginia
    March 21, 2011 11:12 am

    Ang,

    I’ve already written about that on my site in the past.

    My personal choice is that I don’t use that word. Many people choose differently. Doesn’t take away from their talent.

    For instance, Terrance Hayes uses the N word. I still linked to his poem because I can see his talent even though he chooses to use that word.



  5. bucdaddy
    March 21, 2011 11:28 am

    Took me awhile there to figure out what the “r-word” was. Since Ang referenced SW Pa., I figured it was “redneck.”*

    Anyway, I’m happy to pledge not to use a word I never use anyway.

    Some of these blogs sound great, but I already spend approx. 22 hours a day hanging around this one, and I wouldn’t want to become an online addict.

    *–My friend Owen Davis wrote a song about living in Mount Morris, about how redneck it was — I can still use “redneck,” right? — with the Confederate battle flags in the back windows of pickup trucks and all that, even though “I Live One Mile North of the Mason-Dixon Line.”



  6. Butcher's Dog
    March 21, 2011 11:43 am

    @bucdaddy: if we ever get to the point where we can’t use “redneck”, Mercer County (PA’s, not West-by-God’s) will cease to exist and you and I will have to look for a higher plane of existence.



  7. bucdaddy
    March 21, 2011 11:57 am

    B-Dog,

    I already find that “higher plane of existence” in a shot glass, thanks.

    My first real actual job out of college was in Waynesburg, and Mrs. Daddy is a Greene County girl and I made good friends there. But I can also acknowledge that Waynesburg is the Paris of Greene County, so I lived a sheltered and idyllic life for two years.



  8. Lauren Lu
    March 21, 2011 12:42 pm

    Thank you so much for posting about our blogs! It was spectacular to meet you and hopefully our paths will cross again in the future!



  9. Crazy Hat Bitch
    March 21, 2011 12:51 pm

    Think I may have nightmares about those creepy dolls



  10. bluzdude
    March 21, 2011 1:25 pm

    Gah! Girl-Ninja-Ghost-Alien dolls!

    And what the hell are those things with the pins in them? Recently severed donkey omelettes?

    Lastly, you totally should have taken a bongo solo.

    Bongo Solo: either a new band name, or a pet monkey belonging to the pilot of the Millenium Falcon.



  11. bucdaddy
    March 21, 2011 2:37 pm

    Wait … Mercer County …

    *Google maps Mercer County*

    That’s Slippery Rock! You’re got North Country there! And you claim it is a bastion of backwardness. North Country is awesome. There’s more coolness in that one building than in the entirety of, say, Fayette. Or Greene. Or Greene and Fayette put together.

    I’ll not have you slandering Mercer County again!



  12. Montana
    March 21, 2011 3:45 pm

    I’ll think of some more colorful ways to offend sea creatures. Just for you Ang.