OH MY GAWD, GAWLF BAWL SIZED HAIL.

Yesterday a tornado-generating cloud passed over my house and then pooped a tornado that touched down eight miles away.

Living in Texas for four years of college means I know what a tornado cloud looks like. It’s really really black and low and if you look closely at it, you can see the faint outline of Mother Nature screaming her batshit crazy head off while shooting lightning bolts from her eyes. Also, the air is green.

I saw the cloud, noticed the air was the same color as my skin right before I puke, and ushered my family to the basement where we listened to hail pepper the house, and the wind shriek like it was exerting the force necessary to rip our roof off and hurl it away like a discus thrower going for the gold.

We were only in the basement for about five minutes and were relieved to discover that our house was fine.

But like I said, this was happening eight miles away. A video you’ve probably seen by now as it’s going viral, starting with Mikey and Big Bob on twitter and going to DVE and now national news.

A Hempfield teenager stands outside his house and films the overhead tornado and then has an epic flip-out as he realizes HE’S STANDING OUTSIDE FILMING AN OVERHEAD TORNADO.

YouTube Preview Image

Forget the stuff we learned in school like “go to the basement” or “hide under a table.” This kid is rewriting tornado safety rules. Which, by the way, can easily be “Incoming UFO” safety rules.

1. Grab a video camera.

2. Tape it until you shit your pants or the force of the wind generated from it sucks your eyeballs from your skull. Whichever comes first.

3. When it lands, run away screaming while shitting your pants.

4. ALWAYS REMEMBER TO LOCK THE DOOR.  This is the tornado’s kryptonite.

Now, go back and watch the video and every time he says tornado or twister, replace it in your mind with UFO.

You’re welcome.





48 Comments

  1. Erin
    March 24, 2011 3:11 pm

    Oooof, the Pittsburghese. My ears, they bleed. Also, it looks pretty calm in the video. Not sure I even saw the wind blowing. Which was pretty funny juxtaposed with his screams.



  2. astroidb612
    March 24, 2011 3:12 pm

    oh…i sooooo needed that today.



  3. Leslie in Dayton
    March 24, 2011 3:16 pm

    His poor mother. I’m sure she was also having an epic flip-out on the phone. I’m glad everyone is OK!



  4. TracyinSC
    March 24, 2011 3:23 pm

    I think I’ve watched it 4, 5 times and I laugh and laugh every time! Not the brightest kid, is he?



  5. calipanthergrl
    March 24, 2011 3:26 pm

    Thank you. I very much needed a laugh today.

    I’m glad you and your family escaped the Yinzer tornado unscathed.



  6. Jim
    March 24, 2011 3:28 pm

    Yes, the Pittsburghese in ALL the related youtube video’s is cracking me up. The best one was on WTAE’s website until the youtube user cancelled his account, then re-loaded it under another account here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TCj2R7usEnw

    How stoned are those kids anyway?



  7. Leenyburgh
    March 24, 2011 4:18 pm

    My kids are cracking up watching this with me… they’re 4 and 2. I’m glad he’s ok, though.



  8. Beatrice
    March 24, 2011 4:25 pm

    Oh, tears are in my eyes from laughing. Of course the kid was terrified, and I’m glad (I assume?) he’s fine, but wow, the purity of the accent is just perfection. I love this tahn.



  9. Janelle
    March 24, 2011 4:25 pm

    This made me laugh way too hard.



  10. Crazy Hat Bitch
    March 24, 2011 4:26 pm

    I love how he tells his mom “yeah, I’m staying in” hangs up & keeps filming….classic



  11. Beatrice
    March 24, 2011 4:26 pm

    …and his poor mother!



  12. Sheila
    March 24, 2011 4:32 pm

    I.am.howling. Sorry its rude and I feel awful for those affected but that was classic.



  13. Scott L
    March 24, 2011 4:36 pm

    We don’t get UFO’s around here man…



  14. Sheila
    March 24, 2011 4:37 pm

    My favorite comment from the you tube site is:

    “Everything about this video is classic.. from the non-existent phantom hail to the gentle breeze outside combined with the strange accent and reaction of the narrator (who clearly just shat himself).”

    “strange accent” – love it!



  15. Scott
    March 24, 2011 5:31 pm

    I am sorry to find this amusing, but holy cow is it. His overall reaction combined with the brutal yinzer accent is just priceless. He’ll be trying to live that down the rest of his pipe-fitting life.

    Comedy.



  16. Butcher's Dog
    March 24, 2011 5:40 pm

    @Jim: one of my favorite pieces of desk graffitti from 37 years of teaching: “Are you stoned or just stupid?” Seems to apply here.



  17. Bucfaninva
    March 24, 2011 6:15 pm

    First off, having survived the great Kane-area tornado of 1985, I’ll admit I screamed and reacted like that too. However, I was seven at the time.

    Secondly, I think I’m going to hell for laughing at that so hard. Hope the kid is OK.



  18. Shibori
    March 24, 2011 6:39 pm

    @ Jim- I hope some professor somewhere uses that video to demonstrate the principle of natural selection- the absolute stupidity of those kids is stunning. This is what technology has done for us- morons who stand outside in a tornado videotaping with an iPhone, and teenagers who don’t have a hint of common sense.



  19. bluzdude
    March 24, 2011 7:10 pm

    I swear that dialog could be switched out from the movie Cloverfield, if you change “twister’ to “monster.”



  20. PittStudent
    March 24, 2011 7:29 pm

    So, I’m originally from Tornado Alley. I can’t believe how stupid these kids are. The speed and path of tornadoes is incredibly unpredictable. When clouds get like that you GO INSIDE, away from windows, into the basement or into a bathroom with a mattress over your head. I’ve know this since I was about five. I can’t believe there were no deaths.



  21. MadMax
    March 24, 2011 7:49 pm

    @Scott-

    Do you ever have a clue?

    Google UFO Kecksburg, PA (close by the tornado)



  22. Rachel
    March 24, 2011 8:35 pm

    I think Scott L was just replacing tornado with UFO as Ginny suggested



  23. Cassie
    March 24, 2011 8:42 pm

    Being from Minnesota, you don’t eff with tornadoes. But I did enjoy the entertainment knowing he’s OK.



  24. Beky
    March 24, 2011 9:22 pm

    I’m glad the kid is okay because he did all the wrong things! He should have got on the roof to film the tornado. That’s how we do it in Oklahoma!



  25. Nathan J
    March 24, 2011 11:24 pm

    “we don’t get tornadoes”?!
    what the heck is he smoking? I’ve lived in Pittsburgh my whole life and can recall more than a few. Sure, we’re not “Tornado Alley” or anything, but they do happen… idiot.



  26. Tam
    March 25, 2011 7:44 am

    Counting up all the broken windshields and other property damage – the hail was real, even if not caught here on film to perfection. The “gentle breeze” referenced above caused an 8 mile path of destruction – from trees, to cars, to businesses, to homes. Ask them how gentle is was. He was a fool to be out in it – and his reactions are amusing… But I would like to remind everyone who has called him a yinzer that this is -gasp- Westmoreland County – 10 whole miles outside of Pgh city limits – where you can be castigated for claiming to be from Pittsburgh.

    OK – that’s all the cranky I have today.



  27. JillM
    March 25, 2011 7:52 am

    I just about spit my coffee out – that was freaking hilarious.

    During the 1985 tornado, I was a 20 year old girl trying to get ready for a date when our electricity went out. I was all, “oh my gawd…how am I supposed to curl my hair now” I heard this strange noise and looked out our window to see what looked like a HUGE flock of birds over my neighbors house – yep, those birds were trees flying everywhere. For over 20 miles, everything that sat 500 ft north of our house was flattened.

    Our house had the porch pulled away a bit, but otherwise was fine. Man, I’m SO glad I locked our door – LOL.



  28. Dan (Not Onorato)
    March 25, 2011 8:06 am

    *shakes head*

    I weep for the future.

    Boy I hope we see his mug all over the news now. He was on Channel 2 this AM and Im sure Andrew Stockey will have an “Only on 4” interview to extend his 15 minutes far too long.

    Sorry the coffee hasnt kicked in.



  29. SpudMom
    March 25, 2011 8:17 am

    This poor kid made the front page of CNN today (not one of the headline stories but it’s still there).



  30. Scott
    March 25, 2011 9:09 am

    Hey MadMax,

    Why don’t you go kick your dog?



  31. AngryMongo
    March 25, 2011 9:13 am

    I’m in Irwin area so of course we saw it from our house. My wife is a total weather freak and even she went out into the street to go see the damn thing.

    Oh, and I just had to. :) http://skreened.com/mongoware/omg-tornado
    It’s more intense than a double rainbow.



  32. Jill M
    March 25, 2011 9:42 am

    I think Tosh.0 needs to do a web redemption :)



  33. spoon
    March 25, 2011 9:46 am

    I don’t know what’s worse, this or the Rebecca Black craze. hey, is IS friday!



  34. empirechick
    March 25, 2011 10:19 am

    He was on DVE this morning while they had Sean Casey of Stormchasers in studio – funny stuff.

    He said he and his friends are going to make t-shirts with his sayings on them to raise money for the people who lost their houses. So he seems like a good kid (although I agree, a stupid one).



  35. Kelly
    March 25, 2011 10:32 am

    That is really great that he is going to do that – the video has gotten so much attention and that could potentially raise lots of $$. I am glad he is OK – has he said what his mom’s reaction was afterward?

    The local Red Cross website is http://www.westred.org if anyone was looking for info on where to donate.



  36. bucdaddy
    March 25, 2011 10:46 am

    “no tornadoes” up there? I lived in Greensburg in the early to mid ’80s and remember one that tore up an apartment complex, a golf course and a convent (of all places) about a mile from our apartment, and continued to bounce around almost up to Indiana, IIRC.

    And just because it’s such a great song:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-nvT95BkhAM

    “It came without no warnin'”
    Said Bobbi Jo McLain
    She and husband Nolan always
    Loved to watch the rain
    It sucked him out the window
    He ain’t come home again
    All she can remember is
    It sounded like a train



  37. MadMax
    March 25, 2011 11:22 am

    @Scott-

    I love dogs.

    I’d never kick an animal, just human twerps.



  38. Not_from_Pittsburgh
    March 25, 2011 2:11 pm

    Amazing how important it is to make sure it is all captured on film, I sat yesterday and did my Long County (Southern GA) Wild Burn Video while having a beer with my neighbors and then last minute we decided we should probably pack a few things before our house burns down to the ground. Hey but at least I got it posted on You Tube and Facebook before all hell broke lose. People (including myself) need to get their priorities straight. LOL



  39. georgie
    March 25, 2011 2:32 pm

    Yup. I kept looking up today to see if there were any frogs or locusts falling from the sky.



  40. Scott
    March 25, 2011 4:46 pm

    MadMax,

    Considering my comment was basically a carbon copy of the first 15 before mine, you really don’t make much sense.

    And yeah, “kicking” people behind the anonymous safety of your internet connection is super cool dude. Since we haven’t seen much from BoJack since I outed him a few weeks back, I’m starting to suspect that you may be him. The shoe certainly fits.

    So sad….

    Have a great weekend peeps!



  41. Trish
    March 25, 2011 7:15 pm

    I lived in eastern Kentucky for almost five years, where tornadoes occur so frequently your house/apartment comes with a tornado warning system and there are loudspeakers spread throughout that boom WARNING! WARNING! A SEVERE. WEATHER. ALERT!! Amazingly I only saw one funnel cloud but it was enough to scare the shit out of me because I was driving at the time. I still remember those green/purple clouds, the finger of the tornado snaking down, up, down, up … I’m totally non-religious but I was throwing up everything I could to whatever would listen that I’d make it safely home.

    The moral of the story–kids? If you see a funnel cloud? RUN.



  42. MadMax
    March 25, 2011 9:20 pm

    @Scott-

    Sticks and stones….



  43. PensAreYourDaddy
    March 26, 2011 12:48 am

    Sid’s backhand caused the tornado.

    True story.



  44. Ya Jagoff
    March 26, 2011 10:09 am

    One of the funniest things to me was, as you said, the new rules for what to do during a tornado. One of THIS KID’S steps was to call his mother WHILE he was in a panic. So, not sure where mom is – work, Giant Eagle, whatever but, she probably needed to head directly to the UPMC Stroke Clinic..

    Then as it gets to the climax, he says, “I gotta go!” What’s mom doing at that point???



  45. Johnaz6312
    March 26, 2011 12:47 pm

    The Local morning DJ out here in Phoenix,KDKB< Rock N Roll by the way.Played the audio of this incident a few times on his show the other day. It sounded crazy & ridiculous on the air but the video makes it crazier. The Dj said the kid was STUPID for doing this. I am in agreement. By the way the DJ's name is "SLUDGE" and he in charge of the "SLUDGE NATION" Not kidding!!



  46. MadMax
    March 26, 2011 1:56 pm

    @Scott-
    You’re just an ass.
    I know you can’t help it.
    It’s not your fault, probably genetic.
    But I know many IQ challenged people who succeed, so there is hope for you!



  47. Xena
    March 27, 2011 3:43 pm

    I’m still laughing about this.



  48. John B.
    March 27, 2011 11:40 pm

    We were coming down from Johnstown to Irwin Friday night to see the family, but when we rolled in we came in through Fort Allen off of 136 and it was awful. Lots of state police to deter looters. Over in Rillton (General Braddock Rd.) and through Wendel Road and Arona Road there was a lot of damage as well. Same deal, state police all over. We got followed briefly because we were in a pickup truck. It was amazing to see, but extremely sad as well.