Are there tumbleweeds in Wheeling?

I feel like I can now say with some certainty that Wheeling, West Virginia must be the most boring place on the planet.

I can say this because a Pittsburgh man created a facebook page called “Protest the NFL” which has a whopping 2,100 members, and it made the news down in Wheeling.

I’m not making that up.


“We pretty much just want to get the word out. We want people to know that fans aren’t going to allow themselves to be unrepresented no more,” Funk said.

[CRINGE] I don’t know what bothers me more — “No more” or “we was.” Like, if they had a cage match to the death, I’d pray they each delivered perfect simultaneous death blows to the throats.  They could be the opening fight for the main event of “ain’t” versus “‘preciate.”

But that’s besides (oh, the irony) beside the point. The point is a 2,100-member facebook page created by a man in Pittsburgh made news in Wheeling where they don’t even have an NFL team, but where they apparently are easily impressed.

I’m going to create a facebook page called “Nutella is making me fat” and once it hits 4,000 members, I’m going to be HUGE in West Virginia.

Figuratively and literally.


  1. bucdaddy
    March 25, 2011 10:33 am

    Which is more boring, that 2,100 people care about the NFL lockout in MARCH or that WTRF reported it?

    Ah, well, we have to generate our own news in West by-God because our state government isn’t bankrupt and last I checked none of our politicians were on trial.

  2. maybe not
    March 25, 2011 11:33 am

    Sometimes I take your comedic skills for granite. I love how you worked in the “besides the point.” LOL.

  3. TripleC
    March 25, 2011 11:42 am

    You’ve obviously never been to wheeling. If you had, this wouldn’t be surprising at all.

  4. Bern
    March 25, 2011 11:47 am

    I take your comedic skills for agate.

    Nigella is making me fat.

  5. Butcher's Dog
    March 25, 2011 11:51 am

    I take your comedic skills for pre-fab concrete. Or maybe a nice composite countertop made of recycled glass. ‘N ‘at.

  6. Virginia
    March 25, 2011 12:00 pm

    These comments have officially gone nuts. I approve.

  7. Monty
    March 25, 2011 12:00 pm

    #4 and #5 – hilarious. Irregardless, I think we understood what #2 meant for all intesive purposes.

  8. Lynnetta
    March 25, 2011 12:09 pm

    I know I heard that granite line on a tv show recently.

    I am originally from a small town in Ohio just across the Ohio River from Wheeling. Local news in the Ohio Valley is horrible! It’s amazing what makes it as “news”.

  9. Virginia
    March 25, 2011 12:15 pm

    If only it had been intentional, but no, it was just me not proofreading my own shit. ;)

  10. maybe not
    March 25, 2011 12:18 pm

    I except responsibility for the comments flying off the rails at a high rate of speed.

  11. ja
    March 25, 2011 12:40 pm

    Keep eating the Nutella, and you, like me, are going to be huge everywhere, not just in West Virginia.

  12. Pensgirl
    March 25, 2011 1:29 pm

    I have been distracted from the main topic of Wheeling’s boringness and must post on a divergent issue. For penance, I offer that I take your comedic stylings for pyrite.

    My cage match would feature the appointed-by-me Triumvirate of All That Is Soulless And Wrong:

    Utilize. Definately. Supposably.

    Yes, I realize one of those is *French-sounding derisive snort* considered *spits on ground* a real word.

  13. bluzdude
    March 25, 2011 1:50 pm

    I’m totally with Pensgirl. I hate that Corporate-speak environment where people think they have to add syllables to a simple idea they want to get across, just so it appears more official and studious.

    Last week I had to proofread a memo that said we have to “proceed expeditiously.” I lined out “Proceed expeditiously” and wrote in “move quickly.” I mean, what are they doing, auditioning for Vocabulary Idol?

  14. Chris
    March 25, 2011 2:03 pm

    Where I work, we call that “breaking out the OED in an attempt to sound smart.”

  15. astroidb612
    March 25, 2011 2:31 pm

    I want to college at Wheeling Jesuit University, and for fun we ate Nutella on vanilla wafers and watched our cellulite grow. I’m only half kidding…really for fun we drank busch beer ($9.99 a case at Kroger) and ate pizza with ham and pineapple because we thought it sophisticated.

  16. Butcher's Dog
    March 25, 2011 2:33 pm

    I would totally watch Vocabulary Idol.

    Mark Twain’s credited with saying, “The difference between the right word and the almost-right word is like the difference between lightning and the lightning bug.” As the resident old-fart curmudgeon former English teacher, I agree. So vocab is important. Useage even more so. I’m with bucdaddy, who seemed to be sayin’ a while back that leaner and meaner is better.

    I could ramble more on the topic, but that would be self-defeating. Glad Ginny approves of our collective nuttiness.

  17. Tracy
    March 25, 2011 3:28 pm

    I definitely agree with you on the Wheeling news. However, the Pittsburgh news teams haven’t done much better. I can remember not so long ago when Benny’s wedding registry made the Channel 4 news at least 6 days in a row, showing us over and over again which wooden bowls he wanted. *Sigh*

  18. Steverino
    March 25, 2011 4:28 pm

    And let’s not forget a week of breathless up-to-the-minute BREAKING NEWS on WTAE for Hines Ward on “Dancing With the Z List.” In this town, if Ben Rotwiller has a bowel movement, it’s news. Cause people will watch. And it’s commercial TV.

  19. tim
    March 25, 2011 4:50 pm

    So Ginny … you don’t think Wheeling, WV is part of Steelers Country??? WTF! Please know that several of the reporters and anchors at WTRF where born and raised in Pittsburgh. Oh … I guess to you people in Johnstown, Altoona, and Greensburg are not fans either, because hell they don’t have and NFL team either. I can drive to Wheeling much faster from my home than I can to any of those other places, and I do actually live in the City of Pittsburgh city limits. Really a stupid post, Ginny. Really STUPID!

  20. Jason (from Cranberry)
    March 25, 2011 4:57 pm


  21. Virginia
    March 25, 2011 5:20 pm

    Jason, LOL.

    Tim, I think you missed why I was incredulous this made news in Wheeling. NOT because it’s about the Steelers. I only mentioned they don’t have an NFL team in Wheeling because the article brings up the facebook page because there are protests scheduled at NFL stadiums on April 1.

    My incredulity comes from the fact that, added to that they don’t have a stadium there, they’re making a news story out of a facebook group with 2,100 members. That’s PEANUTS when it comes to facebook groups these days. Had it been say 50,000 members, then I’d understand a news station anywhere covering it.

    I simply latched onto the Wheeling thing as a joke that not much must go on down there seeing as this facebook group ONLY MADE THE NEWS IN WHEELING. Not Pittsburgh. Or Baltimore. Only Wheeling.

    I’m on record as saying that you can be a Burgher no matter where you live. I’ve written columns about it. I live in freaking Westmoreland County. Not once while writing this post did I think anything about whether or not people in Wheeling can consider themselves Pittsburghers. This post is about the size of the facebook page. That’s all.

    And as a Burgher, one thing for sure we do here is make fun of West Virginia. That’s our right. It’s in the Bible.

    Finally, Tim, if there are two ways to interpret something I’ve written, please assume I meant the way that doesn’t offend you so badly that you feel the need to tell me how STUPID it was.

  22. It's A Slow News Day!
    March 25, 2011 6:25 pm

    Change of subject while Tim gets his knickers untwisted — and because I want to post about what I want to post about — my pet peeve in the vocab/syntax/”usage” department is incorrect use of the word “that” when the noun to which it refers is a PERSON.

    “People that” “Friends that” etc. WOrse than fingernails on chalkboard. It’s people WHO. We’re living beings! We’re not chopped liver. Or mice. We’re men!

    People. People WHO need people… Are the luckiest people, Tim, in the world. Have a great weekend.

  23. AngryMongo
    March 25, 2011 6:36 pm

    Ah Wheeling, desparately trying to be part of PA but not Ohio. :)

  24. Amanda
    March 25, 2011 6:36 pm

    Their has to be a better way for Tom to get his point across than calling people stoopid ;-)

  25. Dan (Not Onarato)
    March 25, 2011 7:09 pm

    Couldnt Tim just flag this as inappropriate?

    Relax dude…JEEZ I may be dumb but I aint from Johnstoonaburg.

  26. LaReina
    March 25, 2011 8:16 pm

    I live near Wheeling and just ate some Nutella on graham crackers. (The Nutella was on the graham crackers, not I). Tune in to WTRF tonight at 11 p.m. and hear all about it.

  27. LaReina
    March 25, 2011 8:18 pm

    Never mind, it was Kroger brand hazelnut spread, not actual Nutella. WTRF said to call WTOV about my generic chocolate hazelnut spread story.

  28. tim
    March 25, 2011 8:32 pm

    Don’t mean to be mean, nor, inappropriate. Just I got angry because i *KNOW* a few people there. And *NO* making fun of hard working people just ain’t funny at all! Yes, Ginny, it is totally OVER my head. Wow. At one time, I thought I was pretty smart too! P.S. tell pensfan, that my son visited yet one more day inside another personal home of a Pen’s Player. He wanting to look nice and his clean ones “out of order” I actually ironed my one of my Pens shirts so he could feel proud serving. So i am with angry at you. Do Not attack my baby’s or there dreams

  29. Pensgirl
    March 25, 2011 8:56 pm

    To It’s A Slow News Day! – YES! I’m ashamed of myself for not thinking to add that (ha!) to the list. I literally wince anytime I run across that little horror. I hereby amend the Triumvirate into a Quadrumvirate and grant you special appointing powers.

    Also, all of you fellow grammarians may enjoy this blog post. Prior to reading said post, “alot” was ahead of “supposably” for me, but now I enjoy alot a lot!

  30. empirechick
    March 26, 2011 12:35 am

    ‘my babies or their dreams’

  31. bucdaddy
    March 26, 2011 12:52 am



  32. SpudMom
    March 26, 2011 8:05 am

    Tim, I read your comment at #28 three times and I still can’t parse it. What the heck are you trying to say? It does not resemble the English language.

  33. cmd_45
    March 26, 2011 9:19 am

    @pensgirl: That blog is priceless. I tried to explain why I was laughing aloud (not alot) to my 8 year old. He didn’t quite get it but he will someday!

  34. bucdaddy
    March 26, 2011 10:39 am

    Adding to my lengthy list of language annoyances, the style mavens at The Associated Press have decreed that there shall be no hyphen in e-mail. How moronic is that? Email. It looks like a name from the Old Testament. eh-MAY-l. Wasn’t he one of those guys who got tossed into the fiery furnace? Shadrach, Meshach and Email? Or maybe he was one of Noah’s sons, with Ham and Japeth (I think that’s them, and BTW: mmmmmmmmm, ham).

    With all the horrendously written lead paragraphs I see AP churn out every day, truly terrible writing, they’re fussing with hyphens.

    Hell in a handbasket, people.

  35. Wheeling_blows
    March 26, 2011 12:09 pm

    I love the fact that I grew up in WV (a mountaineer is always free bitches!) but growing up in Wheeling was kinda crap. I have loads of funny stories about the place but that’s because it was so lame that we had to make our own crazy (often illegal) fun.

    Wheeling’s place on the lame scale is only topped by the lameness of their local news.

    There are some good people there no doubt but this isn’t reflected in their media.

  36. Butcher's Dog
    March 26, 2011 12:14 pm

    Style mavens, it appears to me, are destined for the same circle of hell as middle managers who have to change perfectly good ideas so their fingerprints appear on them. I think this is pretty much what every strip of “Dilbert” is about except for the ones dealing with the office slacker.

    I spent 37 years trying to teach Western PA adolescents their native tongue. While in many cases I was successful, it got pretty discouraging to see every new crop come in with the same problems I’d just spent 180 days eradicating with their predecessors. Hell in a handbasket, indeed, bucdaddy.

  37. HorseShoeBend
    March 26, 2011 2:16 pm

    West Virginia: One Big Happy Family … Really!

    Q. What do a tornado and a West Virginia divorce have in common?

    A. Someone always loses a trailer.

    Q. How do you know the toothbrush was invented in West Virginia?

    A. If it was invented anywhere else, it would have been called a teethbrush.

    I live east of PGH. I refer to the blog owner as West Virginia :) You’d think she’d be more sympathetic right?

    Tim – be happy. Steeler nation is global and that’s all that matters!!!!

  38. bucdaddy
    March 26, 2011 7:35 pm

    Among our many problems in West by-God (though still fewer than you have in Pa.) is the fact we have no geographic identity. Weirton is north of Pittsburgh, and Bluefield is south of Richmond. We’re almost all south of the Mason-Dixon line yet we split from the Confederacy. We stretch nearly from Washington in the east to almost as far west as Columbus. If you rolled our mountains flat (and many coal companies are trying) we’d be the size of Texas.

    Yet we’re occasionally left entirely off of maps.

    And our state song is about another state (Almost heaven, western Virginia — we don’t have any Blue Ridge Mountains and just a little of the Shenandoah River, or the other way around, I can’t remember).

    Think you’d have an inferiority complex too?

    Bet your buckskins.

  39. Betsy
    March 27, 2011 3:36 am

    Wheeling resident here, Steelers fan, winner of Vocabulary Idol, currently stuffing fat face full of Nutella daily while I make my way across Italy. No, really. Venezia today.

  40. Protest The NFL
    March 29, 2011 2:36 am

    Hi. I want to thank you for the attention each one of you all has given to the movement. I Hope you all realize exactly what the movement is all about. We are officially nationally known now; and, we will have our website up and running no later than May 1st. Unlike this site, we will have sponsors and a large volume of traffic on our new website (coming soon). Please be sure to visit the site after May 1st. I would like to fill you in on a secret. There are NFL fans in Wheeling, WV too! This is not all about fans though. We are working to end the lockout for the greater good of all people who will suffer financially as a direct result of the lockout. Wheeling, WV understands the economical ramifications that will occur when the NFL does not have a season. I hope you all find Albert Einstein to help you figure out what economical ramifications means. Good luck on that! I am glad to see West Virginians care about men, women, and children who will be homeless since they will not have jobs thanks to corporate greed consuming the NFL. If you would like to understand what the entire organization is about, please contact me directly at This is not just a Facebook group. Wheeling, WV got the story wrong. Have a great evening.

  41. emily
    March 29, 2011 6:26 pm

    haha, they don’t have nutella in wheeling!

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