Monthly Archives: March 2011

Put down the frying pan and milk the goat.

Update: There are only three games left on our Amazon wish list for the “frequent fliers” at Children’s Hospital. In addition, I threw some $15 iTunes cards on the list as well because I AM A GREEDY GREEDY GIRL. Can’t thank you guys enough!  Clicking to purchase the iTunes card will ask you to confirm how many you’re buying and then will take you over to Apple to complete the purchase. Simply ship the cards to The Mario Lemieux Foundation, 816 Fifth Avenue, 6th Floor, Pittsburgh, PA 15219.


When Fayette County residents aren’t busy engaging in frying pan assault wars, they’re making the news for hoarding animals.

First, I need to tell you that this weekend while I was hunting down a link to the story of the frying pan assault, I figured a quick Google News search of “frying pan pennsylvania” would bring me to the Fayette County story. I figured wrong. There were TWO domestic dispute frying pan assaults in Pennsylvania last week. So I guess it’s like a thing now.

Moving on, the story of the animal hoarding:

A goat, a rabbit, chickens, hamsters, birds and 11 dogs were removed from a home that was deemed uninhabitable in South Union Township, Fayette County.

Internet, this is the saddest goat I’ve ever seen:

(Image from WTAE)

Other news reports say there were actually multiple rabbits, which makes sense, because if you’re going to hoard animals, why have just one rabbit. Get yourself some RABBITS, you know?

Also, there were chinchillas.

This is where I admit I don’t know what a chinchilla is. Kinda like the “knowledge gaps” they talked about on How I Met Your Mother on Monday.

It sounds like a fur a lady would throw around her shoulders for a fancy party, but I don’t think that’s it. I imagine a chinchilla is either like a ferret or some other obscure rodent. Now I Google.

Chinchillas are crepuscular rodents, slightly larger and more robust than ground squirrels,

First, I was right about it being a rodent.

Second, there are probably a lot of ways to contrast a chinchilla and a squirrel.

Robusticity is not one I was expecting.

Finally, the points of my post are this: Fayette County is still Fayette County in all its frying pan wielding animal hoarding glory, and crepuscular rodent is my new insult of choice.

Where’s Steely McBeam?


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Hizzoner Master Lukey

Cleaning up ‘da trash with his homey Snoop Doggy Dogg and gittin’ all sorts of shit done good. [throws signs]

First, I don’t support people who deface city property.

Second, they should have put “Gettin’ Shit Done” and also changed “business” to “biznass.”

(h/t Vivian who snapped this in the Strip, where several of Lukey’s $1,000 trash cans have been altered with the sticker)

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Random n’at

1. You’re going to get to the end of this post and some of you might want to Google “shart.” I can’t discourage you enough from clicking on “images” once you do.

The neuralyzer is NOT A THING YET.

2.  I don’t understand how Pajama Jeans are different from Jeggings, but then again, what do I know about high fashion? Nothing.

I’m also confused about Slankets and Snuggies.

With that deep thought out of my brain, watch this video from WPXI in which a bunch of staffers try the Pajama Jeans.

There are two things that are awesome about this video. The first is that Julie Bologna does some shimmy dancing in the Pajama Jeans. The other is that there are certain parts of this video where you’d swear you were watching an SNL spoof.

(h/t Ms. Mon)

3. Those of you who like to show your support for organizations and causes via charity runs and walks, I have three that might interest you!

  • The most imminent is the Community Human Services Walk to End Poverty for All that is taking place this Saturday.  CHS is the organization I wrote about at Christmastime that provides holiday gift cards to the most needy Pittsburghers to give them the dignity of buying basic necessities for themselves at area stores.  There is still time to register for the walk which takes place in North Park. Here’s a stat that will punch you in the gut. Ready? In Pittsburgh, every fourth person standing in a soup kitchen line is a child. Think about that for a second.
  • Then on April 10, you have the Pittsburgh Super Stroll, not to be confused with the Superhero Run I already told you about. The Super Stroll takes place on the Pitt campus and benefits the Free Care Fund at Children’s Hospital of Pittsburgh. SICK KIDS.
  • One in the beginning stages planning is the Lisa Clay Styles Memorial Race and Walk taking place this June 25 at South Park. You remember Lisa was an avid runner and the young mother who was killed by an under-the-influence driver while she was jogging and pushing her young child in a stroller in Mt. Lebanon.  This race will be stroller-friendly for those of you that run like mothers.

4. David Conrad will be narrating Twisted Storybook Favorites for the Pittsburgh Symphony on May 6 and May 8.

How awesome and hilarious does this sound?

Audience favorite Peter and the Wolf usually tells the story of a young boy, his animal friends and an evil wolf, with the instruments of the orchestra portraying different characters. However, in this Pittsburgh-focused, tongue-in-cheek adaptation, the classic story — narrated by Pittsburgh native David Conrad — is changed to reflect modern times in our city.

I hope Lukey is the young boy and Steely McBeam is the wolf. I hope it ends with them falling into a giant pothole.

(h/t Cari)

5.  Jamie Dixon won Sporting News’ Coach of the Year, whose voting took place prior to the NCAA tournament where Pitt flamed out early due to a crazy last-second bracket-destroying foul that I’m still bitter about.

6. A Mt. Lebanon man was living in Japan when the tsunami and earthquake struck and decided to stick around to help.

“What kind of person would I be if in fair weather I’d readily participate in the give and take of friendship, but in the midst of the storm just pack up and leave?”

It’s a ‘Burgh thing, he said.

“Don’t Pittsburghers fiercely protect their friends and family?” he wrote.

That’s church.

(h/t Laura B.)

7. The Mayor launched a volunteerism program today saying:

“I’m going to do this myself,” Mr. Ravenstahl said. “I’m going to be a sixth-grade mentor.”

Write your own “and a child shall lead them” joke and TRY THE VEAL!

I kid, but it does sound like a promising program.

8. This has nothing to do with Pittsburgh, but if you manage to successfully stash 54 bags of heroin, 34 empty heroin baggies, prescription pills and 51 bucks and change into your girl parts, I’m going to reward you with a link.

Scranton, represent!

She sounds like a circus freak. THE AMAZING VAGINA WOMAN!

I understand the heroin, baggies, pills and cash dollah bills, but how desperate an addict do you have to be to go ahead and put the coins up there too?

(h/t Butcher’s Dog)

9. My favorite headline today:

If that’s a burp, I don’t want to be anywhere near a mine fart or, God forbid, a mine shart.

10. Gushing Mine Shart would make a great band name.

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A black belt in stealing my heart, Daniel-san.

First, big hugs to those of you that bought games for Children’s Hospital’s “frequent fliers.” We started with 56 games wished for and we only have 8 left. You make my heart hurt in a good way.

Now let’s talk dancing!

Did you watch Dancing With the Stars last night?

As expected, my DVR had major priority issues due to also recording the CBS sitcoms (shut up!) and Chuck. Therefore, I relied on my sister Pens Fan to text me when Hines was up and when Ralph Macchio was up, as those were the only two I really cared to see dance. The others could dance off the face of the earth for all I care. I don’t mean that literally, of course.

We interrupt this post to tell you that the other day I said to my husband, “My heart literally fell into my stomach.”


Hines was up first, so I sprinted upstairs to another TV to catch the footage of Hines in rehearsals with his partner, who had no idea who he was. She said, LITERALLY, “You make the touchdowns?”

HAH! Ego deflation for Hines, for sure.

My thoughts on Hines Ward are really conflicted. There’s so much I love about him, but there’s so many stories I hear about him, you know? The downside of being a Burgh blogger is you hear things and you have to take them with a grain of salt and realize that not everything you read is true, but maybe some of it is?

Regardless, damn, I loved me some Hines Ward last night! In the audience to support him were Franco and The Bus.

YouTube Preview Image

Once you get past the fact that Hines’ pants are pulled up so high that you’re trying to decide if he reminds you of Urkel or a camel, he kicks a lot of ass in that dance. I’m rooting for him to go far this season.

But I tell you if the finale came down to Hines versus The Karate Kid (the REAL Karate Kid, Jaden. Sit down, punk.), I am going to have a hard time because Ralph Macchio, at almost 50 years of age, is all that and french fries and cole slaw on top. What an adorable, awesome, love him so much I want to hug him man.

His practice video made it look like for sure he was going to come out to the dance floor and clomp across it like a donkey with three legs, one good eye, and Skittles for brains. But no! Daniel-san, you steal my heart! LITERALLY.

YouTube Preview Image

I love Hines. But I would sweep Johnny’s leg for Ralph.

All you whippersnappers who didn’t get that can VACATE MY LAWN.


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Make Room for Kids Wish List!

It’s sort of a busy posting day here at That’s Church, so be sure to scroll down n’at.

Friday we began purchasing items for the Adolescent Medicine ward at Children’s Hospital, gearing up to outfit that entire ward of “frequent fliers” with gaming and more in early April when we install an XBOX in each room.

We met with hospital staff a few weeks ago to talk to Child Life about what the needs/wants of that floor are, and since we’re talking about teenagers, their needs are different from transplant, where the age range was very large. Just wait until you see how good we’re taking care of these kids’ needs. “iPads out the wazoo” is, I think, the proper terminology. But more on that later.

Now, many of you have asked about donating games to Make Room for Kids and we’re going to give you the chance to do that now!

I’m going to give you a link to an Amazon Wish List that I created with the help of the local Microsoft office and MLF — a list of the games for both XBOX and DS that we’d like to gift the floor.

Your options if you’d like to help in this way:

  • If you have any used games for DS or XBOX 360, you can donate them in their original packaging to MR4K by mailing them to the Mario Lemieux Foundation at 816 Fifth Avenue, 6th Floor, Pittsburgh, PA 15219. We are looking for the games in the Wish List, but perhaps you might have other titles you think the teenagers would enjoy. If so, please do not donate any game with a rating higher than T.  Be sure to send me an email and let me know what you’re sending.
  • You can purchase directly from the Wish List if you’d like. Simply indicate at Amazon checkout that you wish the items to be shipped to the address of the wish list registry. It will be hidden, but that is the MLF address. If you order directly from the Wish List, it will update and let us know how many were purchased. We are requesting two of each game.
  • You can go to a physical store and purchase any game and mail it to MLF. Just be sure to send me an email and let me know so I can keep track.
  • You can donate iTunes cards that will be given to the Adolescent Medicine ward to use to place games, apps, and books on the iPads. Have them sent to MLF as well and again, let me know about it.

Lots of ways for you to pitch in if you haven’t yet done so and wish to help us out with this phase of MR4K. Please do not personally deliver any games to the MLF offices, unless you have a HUGE number of games to donate, but rather drop them in the mail.

Here’s the wish list! Be sure to read the comments I put on each game.

I try to keep things interesting for you, Internet!

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