That's Church

Did any of you watch the inaugural game of the Pittsburgh Power?

Or as many have taken to calling them, The Pittsburgh Pahr.

I watched it from beginning to end and found it to be an immensely fun game, one in which I sort of had to learn how things worked as it went along. It seemed like receivers were able to cross the line of scrimmage before the ball was snapped. Also, balls could be caught on the rebound, which was unexpected. It was like hockey mixed with football, with players flipping opponents over the cushioned wall, behind which stood the team, personnel, and coaches.

Speaking of coaches, meet the Pahr coach Chris Siegfried:

From the Pahr’s facebook page:

Very nice indeed. Kind of a young Richard Gere look to him.

He’s tasked with keeping motivated and competitive a team of men who earn only $400 per game. That can’t be easy.

He also recognizes what Pittsburgh is:

“We are here in the greatest football city in America, and we better put a great product on the field,” Siegfried said.

Gotta say, it was a pretty good product. Lost in overtime to the Soul, but not before fighting back to tie it in the last second.

He’s the next official Smokin’ Hot Burgher and his crown is in the mail and by crown I mean [sports slap on the butt!].

Tomorrow: Another new Smokin’ Hot Burgher!

Hint: HAWT.

Wait, that’s not really a hint. Here’s another one: CMU professor.

I seriously need to put together a “24 Most Beautiful Pittsburghers Calendar” and sell it for charity.

How long ago was it that I first wrote “Pittsburgh is the new Hollywood?”

Let me check.

Here we go, April 2010.

Now that Tom Corbett has reinstated the film tax credits, and while we’re waiting for official word that Batman is coming, news today that two movies are headed to the new Hollywood.

One is called “Still I Rise” via Walden Media, whose executive Mylan Stepanovich is from McKeesport.

Leads haven’t yet been cast, but it will shoot in May.

The other is the film adaptation of “The Perks of Being a Wallflower,” and while most of you are probably going to be all agog that Emma Watson of Harry Potter fame is the star, I’m more freaking out over this:

Lianne Halfon and Russell Smith will produce it via their Mr. Mudd productions banner, and John Malkovich will executive produce.

YOU GUYS!!!!!!!

EXCLAMATION POINT FRENZY FOR JOHN MALKOVICH!!!!!!!!!!!!

I seriously love John Malkovich. I became a fan after his turn as the scientist/robot in Making Mr. Right and have stayed a fan ever since.

The man has a way of being incredibly sexy … no matter what.

I realize some of you just tried to reach through your monitor to put your hand gently on my forehead to see if I’ve indeed come down with some sort of raging, brain-eating fever that would cause me to hallucinate that John Malkovich is sexy.

I’m completely healthy. And find John Malkovich’s utter and complete surrender to whatever role he takes on to be beyond sexy.

The good news is he might be in Pittsburgh to aid and abet my stalking practices.

The better news is that I bet I’ll be the only one stalking him.

Take your Hermione. My Stalk-o-Meter is calibrated for this:

Much to the judge’s dismay, the warrant seeking certain exhibits in the Orie Sisters trial was released to the media, and it shed light on some things we weren’t certain of.

Having read the warrant request, let me save you the time of poring over it for details.

Of note!

1.  There was apparently an “ethics binder” submitted by the defense, which Jamie Pavlot claimed she never saw. The ethics binder contained the handwritten notes by Jane Orie on printed emails.

Pavlot testified under oath that she had never seen the binder before.

Yes, ETHICS BINDER. LOL.

Could they be any more blatant?

It’s like detectives breaking into a suspected thief’s house and finding on the coffee table a folder labeled, “WHY IT IS WRONG TO STEAL AND THEREFORE I WILL NEVER DO IT EVER EVER EVER AMEN.”

2.  The warrant confirms that because Pavlot denied ever seeing the notations or the ethics binder, they were not permitted to be entered as evidence. Orie then tesified under oath that she was fo course aware of the ethics binder, duh:

Orie testified under oath that the handwritten notations … had been written by her on or about the corresponding dates of the documents.

Oooh. Kiss of death.

I have a feeling the ink analysis is going to show the handwriting is fresh like phat beats.

3. Following testimony, the detective interviewed Jamie Pavlot:

Pavlot also adamantly denied ever having created, been in possession of or observed … the ethics binder. Pavlot also stated at this time that she could not recall any time in her tenure … that the Senator have given such lengthy handwriting notations on any subject matter.

The detective interviewed another employee who corroborated that Orie was more an email, text kind of person and not a let me print this out and write via longhand how I feel about it person.

4. A telling part that reveals the timing of the forgeries being brought to light:

On March 3, 2011, while awaiting a verdict … members of the District Attorney’s office were organizing copies of Orie defense exhibits and discovered that defense exhibit #101a containing an original ink signature of Jamie Pavlot which, when compared to Pavlot’s photocopied signature on defense exhibit #110, appeared identical.

So it was the DA’s people that found the original signature.

It was from there that everything hopped in the handbasket and shouted, “Hell, ho!”

5. One of the documents supposedly authored by Pavlot, submitted by the defense, and denied by Pavlot, actually had the address for the office wrong, as 4700 instead of 9400 McKnight Road. This mistake was noticed by Jamie Pavlot AFTER the mistrial during her interview with the detective and she said was further proof that she never authored the letter, as she would not have made such a mistake.

6. Orie testified that the documents in question, 39 in all, were in Jamie Pavlot’s control, but as the warrant then states, Pavlot was removed from her position and transferred out of the office last May, and since that time, the documents have been in Jane Orie’s control.

A roundabout way of saying, yep, she totally had the access and time and means to fabricate this stuff.

This is the part where Horatio would put his glasses on and say, “And she certainly had the [sunglasses] motive.”

YEAHHHHHHHHHHH!

Man, your life is missing something if you don’t watch CSI: Miami.

7. The United States Secret Service will conduct the forensic analysis, not Horatio Caine.

So we have political enemies, lying, intrigue, forgery, perjury, mall hair, clown makeup, hooker nails and now, the Secret Service.

This sounds like a Kardashian movie!

You can read the whole warrant here.

It’s a fun read!

Four stars! Two thumbs up!

DO YOU SMELL SMOKE, BECAUSE THIS LADY IS [SUNGLASSES] TOAST!

YEAHHHHHHH!

(original image)

In light of the news that Sid was in gear and on skates this morning, you might imagine that there was a collective shitting of the pants of haters.

You would imagine right.

Some of the best ones I found on twitter that DON’T include the standard “Crosby sucks” or “Crosby is gay” or the C word.

Yes, the C word.

People are classy.

That one confused the crap out of me. Sidney Crosby is a ginger?!

I’ve been using that word, but it must not mean what I think it means.

Either way, I plan to internalize the hell out of this hate and use it to power my “Losing My Shit” engine when Sidney Crosby takes the ice for the first time, hopefully this season.

But seriously, someone get all these haters some Depends and baby wipes. As I used to say while changing my babies’ diapers: “Whew! STINKY POOPS!”

Dancing with the Celebrities of Pittsburgh was from all accounts a great time, with Rashard Mendenhall being chosen by the audience as the champion of the evening. Which makes sense.

Jamie and Ali’s adopted Haitian brother Fredo was in attendance with his mother and father, the McMutries, who were there representing Haitian Orphan Rescue as Jamie and Ali are in Haiti working.

If you’ve ever met Fredo, you know he’s a born entertainer. No fear in that kid. Blinding smile. Unfettered joy.

When Rashard finished his dance and was leaving the floor, Fredo spontaneously ran out to him and gave him a high-five.  Rashard continued on his way and then tossed Fredo the hat he was wearing for his dance number. Fredo’s dad Sam McMutrie said “it was like a commercial.”

Here’s a picture of the two of them after the dance in this picture courtesy of Sam:

Awwwwwww.

Go, Fredo.

While we’re talking about Steelers and ballroom dancing, Hines Ward is enjoying his time in Vegas while training for Dancing with the Stars, showing up with his dance partner at an event where Derek Hough was teaching a class at the Palms.

Hines then celebrated his birthday that night with Jerome Bettis and special guest …. BOOM!

Street G’s throwin’ signs while rocking the plaid and gingham.

That ought to be a rap song.