The downside of visiting family in Mexico over April 1 is that I didn’t get to play a joke on you.
The upside is that April Fools Day doesn’t seem to be a thing in Mexico, so I wasn’t a victim. Which is great because after I got had last year, I made it my life’s goal to never fall for another April Fool’s joke again. Ever.
The URA got in on the fun this year by emailing a fake edition of their newsletter, which I was mysteriously subscribed to by some “kind” Gifter of Internet Newsletters just a day or so prior.
Some of the fake news the URA reported this April 1:
1. Bakery Square is haunted.
“Look, I love cookies and all, but I don’t want some group of ghost elf bandits breaking into my room and stealing my underwear,” said hotel guest, Sherman Oaks.
2. Lukey made a Bushy:
Mayor Luke Ravenstahl today announced “Mission Accomplished” for the Pittsburgh City Living initiative.
“The Pittsburgh City Living initiative aimed to attract and retain dwellers to the City of Pittsburgh. Well, we’ve done just that, and now we’re full to capacity,” said Mayor Ravenstahl.
3. A new high-speed mode of commuting!
Today the City of Pittsburgh in conjunction with the URA, Allegheny County and the Port Authority announced plans to construct a zip line that will run from the Duquesne Incline in Mt. Washington to the North Shore.
ZIP LINE. ZIP. LINE.
Best idea ever. Get on that, someone of import.
4. A list of possible mystery buyers of the various Wood Street properties that have been snatched up in the last few years includes Sophie, Wiz and The Situation.
5. A new business in town!
6. Other notes:
If you clicked on a “Read More” link, it took you to this page.
Which is sad because it SHOULD have taken you to this page.
Either way, next April 1 when I get an email newsletter from the URA informing me that the tunnel monster choked on a Hummer and died, I’ll be all, “DING DONG THE WITCH IS DEAD!”