Speaking of bull semen:
Police in north central Pennsylvania say they’ve solved the case of the missing bull semen.
Police in Sweden Township, near Coudersport, Potter County, say the package containing liquid nitrogen and 1,770 units of the bull semen were reported missing from a residence where it was to be delivered on April 2.
Police now tell the Bradford Era newspaper that the items were never stolen. Rather, a United Parcel Service driver left the package at the home, then went back and retrieved it after realizing it shouldn’t have been delivered without someone signing for the package.
1. THANK. GOD.
2. If you can’t trust UPS with your bull semen, who can you trust, Internet? WHO CAN YOU TRUST?
3. What can Brown do for you? They can find your bull semen! That’s a killer ad slogan.
4. 1,770 units of bull semen. Talk about mind bogglejiggities. IT’S A THING.
5. I’m trying to understand how they acquire the bull semen from the bull and I decided I don’t want to know. Some things aren’t meant to be learned. Like parallel parking.
6. I’d like to see an officer in the small town of Coudersport apply to be a detective in Pittsburgh just so he can say to the interviewer, “My claim to fame is that I solved the case of the missing bull semen.”
7. I wish it HAD been stolen so that the news could have stories about how the concerned residents of Coudersport are locking up their bull semen at night. “I tell ya. You just don’t think it could happen to you until it does. We’re such a quiet town. And now people are stealing our bull semen. It’s a dangerous world we live in.”
8. If you Google image search “bull semen,” … well … JUST DON’T, OKAY?
They don’t make a neuralyzer powerful enough.
(h/t Paul, Jonathan, and Bobby)