As a city, we’re wrapped up in Penguins fever right now, and rightfully so.
But let me put a cool cloth to your feverish head and get you up to speed on what’s happening with one of the other currently active professional sports teams in Pittsburgh.
Your Pittsburgh Pirates (don’t shake your head. They’re yours too), after a dismal home stand, have fought and clawed their way back to .500 ball, and now sit one game out of first place along with three other teams in the NL Central. Kind of like the first legs of a horse race, we’re waiting for teams to start pulling away from the pack.
Here’s what’s weird: Last year the Pirates played well at home (40-41) and stank like the decaying flesh of the recently deceased when on the road (17-64).
This year, they’re 1-5 at home and 7-3 on the road.
That statistic gives my mind the bogglejiggities.
A couple other statistics that will boggle your mind with the jiggities (I’m going to make this a thing if I have to beat it into you people):
- Pedro Alvarez, the pride of Pirates baseball, is currently batting .193. OUCH. He sat out last night’s game in an effort to allow him to clear his head and also to probably stop him from dropping to .180. We need either an intervention or an exorcism, apparently.
- Ronny Cedeno, the sometimes embarrassing bastard child of Pirates baseball, is currently batting .191. OOF.
- Before being taken out with an injury, Ross Ohlendorf, a pitcher, was batting .333.
- Charlie Morton, who last year stank like something stinkier than decaying flesh — Steely McBeam’s farts, let’s say, is pitching with a 1.64 ERA and pitched a complete game last week. Compare that to the 2 wins, 12 losses, zero complete games, and a 7.57 ERA from last year and he apparently has shaken the suck off thus far.
- Not only has Charlie pitched a complete game, Kevin Correia pitched a complete game yesterday in the Buccos win over the Reds. That’s two complete games from Suckitude pitchers so far this season.
- During all of 2010, do you know how many complete games were pitched by Suckitude pitchers? ONE.
Now, I know these stats don’t really mean anything. I know it’s a long season. I know that which is not sucking could begin to suck and that which is currently sucking could stop sucking. But it’s a ray of hope and maybe the up and down roller coaster of suck will even out soon.
DEAR PEDRO ALVAREZ, PLEASE STOP SUCKING.