You aren’t reading enough.

So let me give you some stuff to read today. Some will change the way you view your problems. Some will change the way you view your city. One will change the way you view my ass. Srsly.

1. David Conrad loves you. But step off.

First up, if you haven’t yet as I’ve already tweeted and facebooked this, you’ll want to read this amazing piece in the Sunday Post-Gazette by David Conrad in which he uses the recent death of his father and his brother’s current fight against cancer to illustrate how Pittsburgh’s people are a huge part of what makes this city great.

If you didn’t fall in love with David in the half-trillion and one posts I’ve written about him, this might be the one to do it.

A snippet:

Then I catch myself and say, “Come on, Dave, know your place here.”

Know what you’re doing, honestly. Know where you work best in a situation, and who you can serve. Know where you’re from. Know your “place.”

Me? My place is Pittsburgh.

What a coincidence! That’s my place too. Call me.

2. Real problems.

Next up, you’ll want to read this story about the Perry County farming family that lost seven of their eight children aged 9 months to 11 in a fire recently. Try to wrap your brain around that.

How’s your problems looking now?

Mine are A-OK!

Love my problems. I hug ’em and thank ’em that they’re not bigger or more devastating.

3. Vermin-carrying vermin.

On a lighter note, you can go read my latest blog post at Pittsburgh Magazine in which we talk about the Pittsburgh Downtown Partnership’s new anti-pigeon materials that are being handed out in Market Square.

A snippet:

Please put on your listening ears for this one: PIGEONS SPREAD DISEASE: Note the important words on the card: Mites. Lice. Vermin. That live on the pigeon. The pigeon is a vermin that has OTHER vermin living on it. Shudder.

On the magazine’s facebook page, a comment was left about that post that Pittsburgh needs to start getting rid of its bird-haters, starting with me.

Pigeons aren’t birds; They’re VERMIN.

That’s what I’ll put on my gravestone under “A banana without Nutella is stupid.”

4. My growing ass.

When I say that, invariably, someone I know will be all, YOU AREN’T FAT. I’m not saying I’m fat, I’m saying I’m relying a bit too much on fat-sucker-inning undergarments lately. And I’m blaming all yinz guys for it.

A snippet from my May column in Pittsburgh Magazine:

Perhaps the most insidious force being used against me in this war is not knowing how many calories or grams of fat are in most of these things I need to eat, and my thighs don’t seem to believe me when I tell them, “What you don’t know won’t hurt you.”

Of course, Pittsburgh is full of healthy alternatives, but you’re not telling me about those on a regular basis with flashing neon lights and stunning photos. And, most importantly, those healthy options are not calling to me with the sweet siren song of a cellulite-depositing succubus.

Go read why I’m blaming you.

Here’s hoping I get myself under control before I add to my gravestone, “I fought the cellulite-depositing succubus, and the cellulite-depositing succubus won.”





16 Comments

  1. Dan
    April 25, 2011 11:54 am

    New this year at the Texas State Fair (where new deep-fried things are consistently being invented!): an oreo wrapped in chocolate chip cookie dough dipped in funnel cake batter, deep fried, covered in powdered sugar and chocolate syrup!

    So now I’ll apologize for further contributing to #4 and for possibly costing you airfare and lodging to attend the Texas State Fair – I know that makes me want to go!



  2. Rich D
    April 25, 2011 12:37 pm

    Seriously, you need to get to Bocktown. The Bocktown burger is everything a burger should aspire to be.



  3. Dan (Not Onorato)
    April 25, 2011 12:43 pm

    That article by your self-united man was awesome! Everyone from this area should read it.

    @ #2 Rich Agreed. Although the Italian Stack is amazing as well!



  4. Paul
    April 25, 2011 12:48 pm

    Thanks for the link to the David Conrad article. That was very good.



  5. Butcher's Dog
    April 25, 2011 1:09 pm

    What?!?! No pictures?!?! Seriously, you expect us to take your word for this? C’mon, Ginny. You know us, especially the male “us”, better than that. We want photographic (with an emphasis on “graphic”) proof. Then we’ll accept a modicum of blame.

    One thing to be thankful for, though…you proclaim that you don’t like beer all that well. A couple of times through the selections at The Sharp Edge and you’ll think of the nutella as health food. Just sayin’.



  6. CrashJK
    April 25, 2011 1:16 pm

    Call me cruel…but ??? Your house is on fire, 7 of your 8 kids are inside and YOU decide to drive a mile to get help ??? Sorry, I’d be in that blazing house knowing I did everything I could..



  7. Cindy T.
    April 25, 2011 1:21 pm

    I read the David Conrad article yesterday and did shed a tear. So many times we may act badly (like the world revolves around us) or spout off without knowing what the other person is going thru (geez I’m sounding like my dear old Dad now). Pittsburgh people are just awesome people. Hands down.



  8. Cassie
    April 25, 2011 1:22 pm

    Cellulite-Depositing Succubus would be an all girl band.



  9. bluzdude
    April 25, 2011 2:23 pm

    At last year’s Maryland State Fair, they had a stand that offered deep fried Snickers, Twinkies, Pop Tarts and other delicacies.

    No, I didn’t try them. Thought about it though… Solely for curiosity’s sake, of course.



  10. Lisa
    April 25, 2011 3:03 pm

    Thank you for the link to the David Conrad article. I’ve travelled quite a bit and have discovered what David says is true- they don’t make them everywhere else like they do in Western Pennsylvania.



  11. Lauryn
    April 25, 2011 3:39 pm

    Ginny,
    I’ll accept the blame for telling you about nutella, banana, and tortilla wraps, but I won’t apologize. With great knowledge comes great responsibility. Use your knowledge carefully! And spread the word so that others may gain in the awesomeness of nutella!



  12. northside15212
    April 25, 2011 6:36 pm

    Small asses are over-rated. Grab a pound of fudge and a six-pack of Spanx and embrace your inner “apple bottom.”



  13. bucdaddy
    April 25, 2011 11:07 pm

    northside15212 speaks the truth. You’ve been looking a little scrawny to me. Put some donk on that ba, girl.

    Some of the best rock songs ever were definitely not written about skinny girls (sing it with me, people!):

    “Ahhhhhhh you gonna take me home tonight
    Ahhhhhhhh down beside your red fire light
    Ahhhhhhhh you gonna let it all hang out
    Fat bottom girls you make the rockin’ world go round.”

    “Gonna tell you story
    ‘Bout a woman I know
    When it comes to lovin’
    Whew! She steals the show.
    She ain’t exactly pretty
    She ain’t exactly small
    42-39-56, you could say she got it all.”

    And, of course:

    “Big bottom drive me out of my mind
    How can I leave this behind?”



  14. Margaret
    April 26, 2011 9:46 am

    @CrashJK – I’m glad you know exactly how you would react in such a terrible, terrifying situation. Don’t even imply for a second that she didn’t do all she thought she could do at that moment. I’m sure she will live with guilt forever, thinking she could’ve/should’ve done more to save her kids.

    BTW, reading the last line of the article about her being pregnant sent chills throughout my body. God bless the Clouse family!



  15. Suzanne
    April 26, 2011 10:06 am

    I agree with you. Facebook is also abuzz with David Conrad’s article in Pittsburgh Post Gazette of 4/24/2011 We love what he has to say:)



  16. James M Singleton
    May 27, 2011 11:32 am

    The Mellon Square Pigeons are like pets. Some have names. The only problem is the more you feed them, the more they multiply.