If you told me on June 2, 2008 that I would someday want to punch this face in the actual face, I’d have told you to shut your whore mouth.

Fast forward to 2011, and here I am, wanting to punch this face so hard in the face that it needs a new face.

Whoa. Violence. I has it.

Ugh. The fickle nature of sports. I love you as long as you’re wearing my uniform, but don the uniform of a rival team and eventually I’ll call you a whiner and a diver and I’ll demand your balls on a stick while talking bad about you, your mother, and maybe your pets.

I’m not proud of it. I want to keep loving Ryan. He’s a Burgh boy. He fought so hard for us, remember? Remember how much you used to love him, too?

And now he’s one game away from stealing this series from us right in his hometown. Ergo, PUNCH.

But put that boy back into a Pens uniform and I would strip for goals faster than you can say “shut your five hole.”

That sounded dirty.

I am too easy.

I’m not ready for hockey to be over.

Let’s go Pens!


  1. Lee
    April 26, 2011 12:51 pm

    I had the exact same thought last night watching Malone fly across the ice to clip a guy who was already surrounded by four other Bolts. It was a lame move and it made me hate him a little.

  2. Ex-Pat Pittsburgh Girl
    April 26, 2011 12:59 pm

    You are not alone!

  3. unsatisfied
    April 26, 2011 1:25 pm

    is it stealing? or, is it more us giving it to them?

  4. Cassie
    April 26, 2011 1:31 pm

    I’m SO not ready for hockey to be over. And the major grumpathon my husband will have going on.

  5. Ann
    April 26, 2011 1:43 pm

    That has to be the most God-awful, gross photo you could have picked to illustrate your newly-acquired distaste for Ryan. Very well played.

  6. Butcher's Dog
    April 26, 2011 1:44 pm

    “I love you as long as you’re wearing my uniform…” Unless, of course, your name’s Jeff Reed. Just sayin’.

    In many respects, as George Costanza pointed out, we’re cheering for the laundry. This seems especially true in baseball. Probably that’s why we love Mario so much and are willing to pour out the same love for Sid, Geno, and the Flower if they stay put for their entire careers. Identical laundry all those years.

    @Cassie: my personal grumpathon started right around the time goal #3 hit the back of the net Saturday afternoon. Since then the sport of hockey has gone 180 degrees from the way I wanted it to, from our games to the Caps to the Flyers to the Blackhawks. I figure someone owes me. I’ll be happy to collect tomorrow night. Don’t throw in the (rally) towel just yet, folks.

    Finally…strip for goals? The AGH Cam better be sharply focused for that one. As always, just sayin’.

  7. bluzdude
    April 26, 2011 1:48 pm

    Did anyone else get screwed by switching over to watch Hines for 5 minutes before turning back and seeing we missed 2 freakin’ goals? Gah!

    Gah! Smited by the Hockey Gods!

  8. Andrea
    April 26, 2011 2:10 pm

    Gah, that photo. Is that a nose tampon?

  9. Cassie
    April 26, 2011 2:12 pm

    @Butcher’s Dog, 8-2. EIGHT TO TWO! I felt the same way.

  10. kevin
    April 26, 2011 2:22 pm

    A dose of reality is at hand. Love this team and what they have accomplished this year while decimated with injuries. yes other teams had injuries too, but to have the two offensive super stars gone , well it’s too much . Take Semin & Ovechkin, or St. Louis and Levavier, or Richards & Brierre, you get my drift. How this team with it;s dismal power play and Injury ward got this far is really something. Hopefully they find a way tomorrow night but home ice has not been kind to us.

  11. TripleC
    April 26, 2011 2:23 pm

    F’em. He’s now the enemy! There, that was easy.

  12. Margaret
    April 26, 2011 3:25 pm

    I’m with TripleC!

    Also, I noticed that when he was with the Pens, he spoke like had a mouth full of marbles. Once we traded him, his speech cleard up dramatically. I still refer to him as “Mush Mouth”.

  13. Burghthing
    April 26, 2011 4:06 pm

    I finally figured out why the PA lottery sponsors the Pens power play. Both have an equal opportunity for success.

  14. Lauren
    April 26, 2011 5:48 pm

    I used one of your words to describe my feelings about the last two games. Stabbity. It helped.

  15. Biggest Fan
    April 26, 2011 8:42 pm

    @ Butcher’s Dog

    In what Seinfeld episode does George talk about cheering for the laundry? I thought I saw each episode 15 million times…is there one I haven’t seen!!?

  16. Aileen
    April 26, 2011 9:26 pm

    @Andrea – I almost spit my coffee across the room when I read your post.

    What color ribbon do you pin to your shirt when your power play is missing? Do you pray for its safe return?

    Listen, I’m not ready for hockey to over either. However, give Ray Shero credit: if he hadn’t made the defensive upgrades to this team over the winter, there would have been no playoffs this year. The Pens seemed to have won a lot of penalty shot games the second half of this season.

  17. CrashJK
    April 27, 2011 1:44 pm

    Money hungry douche…hope he gets his career ending body slam tonight….loser….

  18. Butcher's Dog
    April 27, 2011 3:04 pm

    @Biggest Fan: can’t help you there. I’m repeating something I’d heard second or third hand. It came from valid sources, though. Maybe around the time George was working for the Yankees? I’m not much on Seinfeld. Sorry!

  19. Biggest Fan
    April 27, 2011 3:09 pm

    @ Butcher’s Dog.

    Thanks. Did some looking – not a George Costanza quote but one from Jerry’s standup:

    Loyalty to any one sports team is pretty hard to justify. Because the players are always changing, the team can move to another city, you’re actually rooting for the clothes when you get right down to it. You know what I mean, you are standing and cheering and yelling for your clothes to beat the clothes from another city. Fans will be so in love with a player but if he goes to another team, they boo him. This is the same human being in a different shirt, they *hate* him now. Boo! different shirt!! Boo.

  20. Butcher's Dog
    April 27, 2011 3:38 pm

    @Biggest Fan: you beat me to it. I found the same thing. Sorry I attributed it to George!