The Trouble with Game Sevens. Repost.

Today I will be sacrificing my body, my mind, my nerves, my patience, my all to chaperone my son’s school field trip to the zoo. That means I’ll be riding a bus with more second graders than you can shoot a Nerf gun at. I will need alcohol by the time the puck drops tonight to not only help me recover from the trip, but to also help me stay calm for Game 7.

Until I post more later today, which will probably just be a string of incoherent mumbling brought on by exposure to excessive armpit farting and Silly Bandz shooting, here’s a repost of The Trouble with Game Sevens, which I posted almost a year ago.

The Trouble with Game Sevens

The trouble with games sevens is that they’re equally critical to both teams, meaning both teams come out playing like Chewbacca on meth.

The trouble with game sevens is that they can be immovable objects (Chewbacca on meth) meeting irresistible forces (Chewbacca on meth).

The trouble with game sevens is that Cinderella might realize the clock  is striking midnight on her time at the ball and instead of turning back  into a defeated housemaid, she turns into a raging bitch on skates, hell  bent on destroying our chances at a Stanley Cup.

The trouble with game sevens is every second counts. Every penalty might mean the series. Every bar hit might mean an early start to golf season. Every missed save, every missed gimme, every bad call, every little thing … might mean everything.

The trouble with game sevens is that they age you.

The trouble with game sevens is that your heart spends it in a constant state of “OHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGOD,” regardless of if you’re in the lead or not.

The trouble with game sevens is they don’t leave you much time to recover for Game One.

The trouble with game sevens is there might not BE a Game One.

The trouble with game sevens is you can’t escape the feeling you never should have seen this Game Seven.

The trouble with game sevens is WHO CAN WORK WHEN GAME SEVEN STARTS IN ____ HOURS?!

The trouble with game sevens is they make you want to puke or slit your wrists or listen to emo music or rock in place like the crazy people at the crazy home.

Here’s hoping and praying and aggressively stabbing the Marian Hossa Voodoo Doll of Hockey JuJu that the puking and the aging and the OHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGOD feeling will be worth it at the end of the third period.

Let’s go, Pens!


  1. Scott
    April 27, 2011 8:56 am

    The legendary Talbot “Ssshhhhhhhhhh….” incident actually occurred in a game 6.

  2. Virginia
    April 27, 2011 9:10 am

    I am aware. That’s the image that went with the original post which I wrote after game 6, before game 7.

  3. facie
    April 27, 2011 9:12 am

    That about sums it up. It never should have come to a Game 7 in this series, unfortunately.

    Now we all need to think about what we did for Games 1, 3, and 4 and be sure to do those same things and wear those same clothes. :-)

  4. Scott
    April 27, 2011 9:20 am

    Ahhh….got it.

  5. Scott
    April 27, 2011 9:25 am

    Except there was no game 7 in that series, which was 2 years ago. Oh well…

    Go Pens!

  6. Monty
    April 27, 2011 9:31 am

    No matter what happens, we will always have this:

  7. bluzdude
    April 27, 2011 9:46 am

    Please tell me that this was not the post you did before Game 7 vs. Montreal…



  8. Dan (Not Onorato)
    April 27, 2011 9:55 am

    Wait….kids today still do armpit farting?

    Lets go Pens!

  9. jmarie1973
    April 27, 2011 11:26 am

    I think i’m in trouble. i did the same things for 1,3,4 as i did for 2,5 and 6. now i’m confused do i wear the earring or not…….hahahahaha do i sing the anthem or not?

    I just want to say i envy all of you going. I had to sell my tickets because i have to work. it’s killing me! And I sold them myself so the lucky person got them for face. I hate the penguins jack up the prices on their ticket exchange thing so much. makes them harder to sell and i feel greedy even though i don’t get the extra!

    have fun at the zoo!

  10. Butcher's Dog
    April 27, 2011 11:34 am

    I’m still thinking the hockey gods owe me for everything that’s happened since about 12:30 last Saturday afternoon. I’ll happily collect on the debt tonight, please.

    Also, who gives a shit if it’s a game 6 picture or if that series didn’t go to a game 7? It’s a classic moment that shows Pens resilience. It’s inspirational. It’s Max right after he goaded Carcillo into a major dumb-shit move by fighting. I may have it engraved on my tombstone. Not that I’m in any hurry for that, mind you.

  11. Scott
    April 27, 2011 11:37 am


    Eeeeaaassssy, big fella. I love the image too…so much, in fact, that I have a t-shirt with Max’s face shhhing the Philly crowd. Other than the game 7 in the finals that year, the game 6 in Philly might be my favorite Pens game of all time.

  12. bucdaddy
    April 27, 2011 11:42 am

    Few things in sports (if any) more exciting that a Stanley Cup game 7 (especially if it goes OT).

    Now, having said that, really: If I were king, hockey and the NBA seasons would by law end March 30. Neither should be played when it’s 80 degrees in Pittsburgh. That’s for doing stuff like … going to the zoo, not watching the ice capades.

  13. AngryMongo
    April 27, 2011 1:23 pm

    Just for good measure I added this to my FB wall.

  14. kevin
    April 27, 2011 1:29 pm

    I need to make a confession. Taking the wife to Dinner & a Movie. She thinks I’m giving up watching the game to do date night but in reality (TEVO!!). truthfully, really I am so damn nervous I don’t want to watch and I know in a movie I won’t get the score. Does that make me a bad guy?

  15. LeeInIrwin
    April 27, 2011 2:04 pm

    You’re probably on your way back from the zoo – I’ve been a chaperone for that field trip and it wasn’t so bad. The hardest part was keeping track of the kids that I was in charge of since they were all wearing the same shirt and jeans. And they looked the same from behind – they were so excited they kept running ahead! You’re probably glad you went but relieved that it’s done. I think tonight’s game will be alot harder to handle than today’s trip. Yodas with ADHD at the zoo today –> Chewbaccas on meth tonight. yea, you’ll sleep good.

  16. Texterb
    April 27, 2011 2:32 pm

    No hockey after March?? April and May are great months for trips to the zoo…but it’s no match for hockey in June! Hope to be there again this year. Let’s Go Pens!

  17. burgher-licious
    April 27, 2011 2:47 pm

    Angry Mongo – this one should go right along side your other FB post:

    This is our time! Go Pens.

  18. Butcher's Dog
    April 27, 2011 3:00 pm

    Depending on what was for lunch, I’m guessing more of the farts on the busride home were real instead of the armpit kind. Just sayin’.

    @bucdaddy has a point that the seasons are entirely too long. But playoff hockey as the weather warms up is one of the ways God has of telling us that life offers more promises than what we can see by the weak light of mid-winter. As for the NBA, it’s anti-basketball when compared to March Madness. I tried to watch a whole game once about five or six years ago. Couldn’t do it. So that season can end about 10 minutes after it starts, for all I care.

    Go, Pens!

  19. oldgraymare
    April 27, 2011 3:37 pm

    Can we change the Hossa Voodoo doll to a Ryan malone doll? I love Ryan, but he needs to be sidelined. And someone please find all the Sidney Crosby Voodoo dolls and destroy them, and do it QUICK!!!!!

  20. Lauryn
    April 27, 2011 3:55 pm

    Heading to the gym shortly to swim out some of these pre-game jitters. Then having dinner with a non-hockey friend to keep the conversation from traveling that direction. By the time the game starts I’ll be as relaxed as a 7 month pregnant woman who’s team is playing in game 7 can be.

    Go Pens!!

  21. Sooska
    April 27, 2011 4:11 pm

    The trouble with Game 7s is when there are still tickets available and your husband says “do you want to go?” and you say “you know better than to ask me that…” and then he says “there goes your Mother’s Day gift from Tiffany’s” and I say “Since we don’t have a kid name Tiffany, I’d rather have a gift from Flower, Letang, TK, Rupp, Max, or Kovy.”

    Go Pens.

  22. steve in denver
    April 27, 2011 4:33 pm

    I hope our game 7 is as exciting as the Vancouver/Chicago game 7 and the home team kills it with fire!!

  23. empirechick
    April 27, 2011 4:38 pm

    I’m wearing my autographed Max Talbot Foundation ‘Love for Haiti’ t-shirt for the first time since I got it at Christmas. Hopefully that bring some good mojo the Superstar’s way!

  24. bucdaddy
    April 27, 2011 7:41 pm


    Oh, there’d still be playoffs. They’d start Feb. 1, after the 50-game regular season, which will begin Oct. 15, two weeks after the World Series ends, and finish Jan. 30, a month after the Super Bowl.

  25. Pa-pop
    April 27, 2011 9:00 pm

    Let’s pull out all the stops. Someone get word to the control booth at Consol: Next TV time-out …


    The Bolts’ll be all WTF. And don’t tell me most Pens fans don’t follow the Stillers ‘n’at.

  26. Texterb
    April 27, 2011 11:14 pm

    Sounds like you’ve given this shortened season a lot of thought. Any ideas that would help with the power play? No joy in Mudville right now.

  27. unsatisfied
    April 27, 2011 11:24 pm

    well, THAT blew.

  28. bucdaddy
    April 28, 2011 8:59 am


    I’m thinking some guy named Crosby.

    While I’m at it, why should “Madness” be confined to March in college basketball? They should have December, January, February and March madness, and the four teams that win play for the championship the first weekend of April. Every team in the country gets in each month; there’s a play-in round before the Round of 256 every month, so your season could last something like 38 games or it could last four games. If you win more than one month, you get a bye into the championship game. This way, every game in the college basketball season means something, unlike now, where virtually every game is a glorified scrimmage. It also eliminates the idiocy of loser’s tournaments like the NIT and the CBI.

    Shhhh, I’m working on the BCS now.

  29. JennyMoon
    April 28, 2011 9:40 am

    Monty!!! Thanks for that!