Poop redux.

Well, poop.

First, let me start by saying that Fleury’s falling glove save to keep the game 1-0 was the most beautiful thing I have seen a goalie do since Brent Johnson punched Rick DiPietro’s lights out (hockey makes me violent).

The last period of yesterday’s Pens loss to Tampa [ptooie ptooie] was quite possibly the most frustrating period of hockey I’ve ever watched.

It wasn’t like we were losing 8-2 and therefore I could have resigned myself early to the fact that we were going to lose and that our season was over, so that by the time the final second ticked away, I would be all, “Oh, well. Can’t win ’em all.”

An entire game 7 third period spent watching the Pens trailing by one goal — JUST ONE GOAL — is frustrating enough; ending that period on a power play with a two-man advantage, watching the sands fall through the hourglass faster than you can say “these are the days of our lives,” and the Pens not being able to do anything with it was beyond frustrating.

It was like trying to thread a needle, but instead of thread you’re using yarn, and also, the needle is a pin.

See if that doesn’t frustrate you to the point of wanting to throw a fish bowl against the wall. (Don’t worry. I didn’t. Because I don’t have fish. But if I DID have fish, God rest their souls. Hockey makes me violent.)

See if that doesn’t make you turn the channel to Repo Games a few times to calm your nerves. (That show makes me worry for America.)

See if that doesn’t make you want to projectile-spew bile of both the literal and proverbial kind at your TV and at that punk ass bitch Ryan Malone (HOCKEY MAKES ME VIOLENT).

But all that said, all anger and ranting aside, you cannot escape the fact that the Pens fought long and hard and they did it without their stars, and that lack of scoring power finally drove the final nail in the coffin that is this hockey season.

You know how you go to a Pirates game and you’re like, “I don’t know any of you people out there?” Remember how a portion of this Pens season was like that? “Who are you and why are you wearing a Penguins sweater? Somebody call security.”

THAT team made it to the first round of playoffs before their wounds were finally too much to bear, and clearly, the biggest most bleedingest wound that would get them through triage in critical condition and straight into the OR is the one they suffered to the power play.

Holy. Poop. of. Oozing. Suck.

Or something.

Next year will be better. We’ll stop the hemorrhaging wounds by plugging them with Crosby and Malkin. They’ll get healthy. Crosby’s brain will start behaving.

We’ll get the band back together and they’ll make beautiful goal-siren music.

I wonder if they’ll let me sing backup. Here’s my audition: [Ahem] WOOWEE WOOWEE WOOWEE WOOWEE!

Did I get the job?

P.S. I’d like a cookie for working a soap opera reference into a Penguins post. Make it a dozen. And make them donuts.


  1. CrashJK
    April 28, 2011 9:34 am

    Thanks for the highs and lows this season Penguins…Love this team, Love the Coach, Love the Owners…See ya’ll in the fall…

    ok – I freakin’ HATE THE PP…..

  2. bluzdude
    April 28, 2011 9:41 am

    It was such a tough game to watch… It was like you’re coiled up and ready to go off at any minute, but the release never comes. Flower’s save was about the closest.

    It was like the hockey equivelent of “blue balls.”

    But I like our chances next year. Now on to rooting against Philly and the Caps.

  3. empirechick
    April 28, 2011 9:47 am

    I wonder if all those Mike Yeo haters from last year are wishing they hadn’t gotten what they wished for (his exit from Pittsburgh)…

  4. spoon
    April 28, 2011 9:58 am

    It sucks but it happens. If TB beats Wash we know they’re legit. People having emotional breakdowns now are most likely the ones who cried the season was over when Sid went out. It happens every season unless you win the cup.

    They’ll be back.

  5. T
    April 28, 2011 10:29 am

    SO frustrating to lose 1 zip in a game 7. Very disapointing, but they gave it their all and we’ll get them next year!

  6. Ben
    April 28, 2011 10:36 am

    That game was utter torture! One goal! Staal – shoot the puck when you get it on the tape in front of the net!!!!

  7. Butcher's Dog
    April 28, 2011 10:41 am

    @empirechick: I still blame Mike Yeo. I still blame Bush, too.

    While it would be wrong to root for team plane crashes, I’m rooting hard for Philly and the Caps to have ginormous bus wrecks where their bus goes out of control and hits some large, immovable, but uninhabited object breaking the bones of everyone inside the bus. Not to, you know, be bitter.

  8. Dan (Not Onorato)
    April 28, 2011 10:49 am

    I thought it was a great game even though we lost. Now we dont have to worry about wondering if Crosby will be back for the playoffs.

    Rest up boys and see you in the fall.

    Thanks for a great season!

  9. MadMax
    April 28, 2011 10:52 am

    How many blown power plays?

    6 on 4?

    Roloson was that good and his mates backed him perf!

    End of story!

  10. MadMax
    April 28, 2011 10:55 am

    How many blown power plays?

    6 on 4?

    Roloson was that good and his mates backed him perfectly!

    End of story!

  11. Christina
    April 28, 2011 11:13 am

    It was heartbreaking. I couldn’t even watch most of the 3rd period and went back to listening waiting for the sirne that did not come.

    My brain is proud that the boys made it into the play offs when we thought season was over without Sid and Geno.
    My heart is sad and missing hockey already. It will go away and will be replaced by happy excitement about a new season with a complete team being ready for being awesome again.

    PS: I am seriously thinking about myself and what this does to my karma, but Brent Johnson punching Rick DiPietro’s lights out was my one of my fave moments of the season. Hockey makes not only Ginny violent, obviously ;)

  12. unsatisfied
    April 28, 2011 12:06 pm

    in response to the question, “can a hockey team that goes 1-for-35 on the power play…including a 6-on-4 with 90-some seconds left in game 7…win a stanley cup series?”, that answer would be “uh, no.”


    these guys achieved 106 points during a season in which it was missing 2 of the top 5 players in the league.

    and, now, no pittsburgh pro sports til october. bummer.

  13. Joe K.
    April 28, 2011 12:33 pm

    Now we have the Pirates and the NFL lockout. At least Hines is still dancing.

  14. G-Man
    April 28, 2011 12:40 pm

    Damn MIA Power Play! I pointed out to my friends that the Pens’ woeful 1-for-35 was the equivalent of playing a full game plus 10 minutes of OT with a man advantage and scoring exactly one goal. Which, ironically, is the losing margin last night. One more stinking PP goal and they might still be playing.
    Another thought: if this is how impotent the offense is minus two key players, Ray Shero – and he has done a great job overall – needs to think about whether he should rethink putting ALL his cap money for offense into Crosby, Malkin and Stall or maybe trade one and add some depth. There’s no guarantee Sid or Geno will be the same player as before once they come back next October.

  15. G-Man
    April 28, 2011 12:42 pm

    @ Butcher’s Dog: I have had that same thought about team plane crashes many times. Especially about Belichick and the Patriots or Bobby Clarke and the Flyers. My friends say I need therapy.

  16. Butcher's Dog
    April 28, 2011 3:18 pm

    Considering that the Bruins won their series in 7 games while scoring one less power play goal than the Pens did…they were 0-20…I’m thinking there’s more to blame than just that failure. Still, rest up, heal, come back strong, and remember the hockey gods owe us a season with only minor injuries.

  17. MattDC
    April 28, 2011 3:50 pm

    Bad news: It’s over.
    Good news: It wasn’t the Caps.
    G-Man: Your friends may be right.
    See you next year.