[insert stunned face here]

Who knew that in the city of Pittsburgh, you could be a skyscraper owner for less than two gs?!

First Commonwealth Bank was the lone bidder and acquired the 31-story Regional Enterprise Tower, Downtown, and two adjacent buildings for $1,708.46 at the Allegheny County sheriff’s sale today.

What?!

How?!

Are there some digits missing from that number?!

Less than two thousand dollars for the Regional Enterprise Tower? 31 floors of office space bought for less than the monthly lease for half of one single floor? (I’m estimating).

Seventeen hundred dollars for the fifteenth tallest building in the city as well as the HYP club next door.

A ten million dollar building for the cost to advertise the sherrif’s sale.

A HALF A PENNY PER SQUARE FOOT! (if my math is correct, and let’s be honest, it might not be)

I am stunned.

I should have bought it and turned it into my house.

The ground floor could become our restaurant and the HYP club our kitchen.

The 5th floor could be my son’s Lego floor.

The 6th floor my daughter’s Littlest Pet Shop floor.

The 8th floor my closet.

The 9th floor, shoes.

The 10th floor my Mommy’s Had a Bad Day Wine and Spa Floor.

The 12th floor my David Conrad Holding Area.

The 13th floor my “Pretend you’re Batman and this is your secret lair” area.

The 17th floor my embarrassing pictures filing rooms.

The 23rd floor my Zima production facility.

The 25th floor my pigeon war room.

The 27th floor my theater.

The 30th floor my bedroom.

The 31st floor my alternate David Conrad Holding Area.

Only problem is which would be the bigger bitch: property taxes, cleaning 350 toilets, or successfully monitoring all of David Conrad’s possible escape routes.

Challenge accepted.

(h/t to Chris Briem of Nullspace on twitter)

 





11 Comments

  1. SpudMom
    May 2, 2011 5:28 pm

    I’m making the 10th floor my new home.



  2. gunnlino
    May 2, 2011 5:32 pm

    Jebus H. and his brother Harry, how does this shit happen ?
    Why wasn’t I informed ? I could have bid that and then some, let the building deteriorate and then apply for a bail out from the city and made money. OR simply let in fall into disrepair like so many others and let the city tear it down after 15 years of rats and spiders and bats and stuff.



  3. Leigh
    May 2, 2011 5:38 pm

    Usually in a case like that there are some major tax delinquencies/liens and the new owner is assuming those debts.
    I’m not sure if that’s the case here, but I bet it is.



  4. bucdaddy
    May 2, 2011 5:49 pm

    When did they start putting 13th floors in buildings?

    I think I have a guess why this one went so cheap …



  5. bluzdude
    May 2, 2011 6:27 pm

    I’m having fun picturing the Pigeon War Room, featuring satellite readouts, a giant lit-up city map with millions of fluidly moving dots. And then there is the locked cabinet containing the Weapons of Pigeon Destruction.

    Also, a giant digital sign like those ones that show the national debt in real time. But this one would be the current pigeon population.



  6. Cassie
    May 2, 2011 8:33 pm

    I’ll be at the 10th floor more often than you’d care to see me.



  7. spoon
    May 2, 2011 9:49 pm

    Chachi needs a floor for combat training against zombies



  8. Bitter
    May 3, 2011 12:07 am

    Geez, I paid more for my computer.



  9. MH
    May 3, 2011 9:30 am

    The building didn’t sell for that price for reals. The bank that already owned it formally took control.



  10. Legallypgh(Kathy)
    May 3, 2011 9:36 am

    Yeah, there would have been the HUGE mortgage to go with that teeny-tiny sales price, which is why it went on the chopping block to begin with. Not to mention a ton of state, county and local tax liens.



  11. Andy T
    May 4, 2011 10:37 am

    Common misconception about sheriff sales here. The lender that holds the mortgage has already “paid” market value or somewhere much closer to it when they made the loan. At the sheriff sale, it is correct that anyone else can bid. But if anyone else would bid, the lender will match other them up to the delinquent amount of the mortgage plus taxes and administrative costs which in this case would be in excess of the amount of the judgment in the foreclosure ($10,393,190.26). Due to risks of purchasing from a sheriff sale that there might be other mortgages, judgments, liens, etc. still attached to the property, it is rare that anyone else bids. Not to mention that anyone that would bid that amount would have to have 10% in cash payable at the time of the sale and the balance within a few days.

    So it is not true that anyone could get the tower for under two grand although it certainly appears from the media accounts that someone could.