After I wrote my most recent Buccos of Suckitude post in which I determined that talking about the Pirates seems to curse them and effectively throw a three-foot-high steel-spiked speed bump in their path to .500 ball, I did what I said I would do.
I shut up. Hard.
I didn’t talk about it. Didn’t tweet about it. Didn’t blog about it.
They rewarded me by losing and dropping one more game away from .500 ball.
I stayed silent. No talking about the Pirates until they hit .500 ball.
They rewarded me by winning and once again coming to one game from .500 ball.
I threw the key to my lips away and sat on my hands.
Then yesterday afternoon, they blew an early lead against the Astros, and it didn’t look good.
I seriously considered tweeting a keyboard smash. “hjbgjklsdzcx!” DRUNK HULK ANGRY!
I typed it into my twitter window and deleted it.
I drank Merlot out of a Buzz Lightyear cup. For serious.
Then Doumit hit a three-run homer, putting the Suckitude up by one.
I seriously considered tweeting a happy shout-out. “DOUMIT! #Buccos”
A few minutes later I typed in, “If the Buccos reach .500 ball, I’m going to freak.”
But my finger hovered over my phone knowing if I touched “send” Ronny Cedeno’s ears would perk up like a dog hearing a squirrel blink and he would instantaneously find a way to point the team’s nose to the ground and flick on the tailspin switch.
I erased it. I waited. I flipped Ronny Cedeno off and thought about demanding his balls on a stick. Just ’cause.
Top of the ninth. One away.
“ONE OUT AWAY FROM .500 BALL!” I typed into Twitter, but I didn’t post it.
For the greater good, for God, country, man, land animals, Regis Philbin, it was imperative that I remained silent.
Finally, THREE AWAY!
.500 ball on May 8 for the first time in 6 years!
2.5 games out of first place!
Commence with the freaking out and orgasmic tweeting!
Rest assured, I will shut up about it if we fall below again, but for now, I suggest you hop on my bandwagon before I have to start turning people away as a safety precaution.
As a reminder, I always give fair warning to my passengers to jump, tuck, and roll before I light the sum’bitch on fire and roll it into the Mon.