Remember how we talked about how John Malkovich is my love?
Remember how I liked to make fun of all the tweens and their cougarlicious moms who camped out in Mt. Lebanon for weeks hoping to catch a glimpse of Taylor Mrowr Lautner who was living there while filming?
Remember how right below this post is a post about Lukey always trying to meet celebrities?
Congrats tweens and cougarlicious mamacitas and Hizzoner Master Lukey; the proverbial stalker tables have been turned.
The Karma Boomerang has rounded the bend and is heading for the bullseye on my ass as we speak.
John Malkovich is apparently living in Mt. Lebanon while serving as executive producer of The Perks of Being a Wallflower.
The first reported sighting of him in Pittsburgh that I received was that he was at the airport on Monday.
Tuesday he was in Squirrel Hill at CVS.
Wednesday he was at a Rite Aid in Upper St. Clair.
Then a few more sightings in Mt. Lebanon.
Then last night he was at Pizzaiolo Wine Bar in Mt. Lebanon, according to a Mikey/Big Bob listener.
The dude is clearly living in Mt. Lebanon and I clearly have problems that require professional help and the immediate surrender of my Stalk-O-Meter which has been calibrated to the Stun and Render Prone position since the first reported sighting of my love on Monday.
Your mission, should you choose to accept it and if you don’t this message will self-destruct all over your face, is to remain vigilant for any and all sightings of John Malkovich in the city of Pittsburgh. Email them to me so that I can get a good feel of his daily schedule which will make stalking him that much easier.
The second part of your mission is to bail me out when I’m found to be in violation of the restraining order that I’m sure is already being requested by his people.
Finally, if older women that stalk younger men are called cougars, what do you call younger women who stalk older men?
Don’t say “crazy.”