WHEREAS I am Hizzoner Master Lukey


Biggest reality show news since the Real World held auditions here.

Finally, after a decade (!), Ryan Seacrest announced last night that American Idol will hold auditions in Pittsburgh on Friday, July 15!

I don’t understand why they waited so long. They’ve been to Philly and Cleveland and God Forsaken Jersey, as it’s called.

They’ve been to GLENDALE, ARIZONA.

Did they think Pittsburgh has no talent?

Were they afraid that they wouldn’t be able to handle the awesome of Eileen from Blawnox?

We are OOZING talent here and there are so many people I’d like to see get famous.

Tim Ruff, Melinda Colaizza, Margot B.

Margot B. does a cover of “I’m Ready for Love” that just kills me with how amazing it is.

Not saying these Burghers should use Idol as their launch pad, just saying we have got amazing talent here and I’m hoping to see it well represented at the auditions.

I have two big questions:

1. Does this mean Jennifer Lopez, Randy Jackson, and Steven Tyler will be in town?

2. If so, do you suppose celebrity-hunter Lukey will find a way to inject himself into the auditions?

I can already see the proclamation.

WHEREAS Jennifer Lopez is a supah fine dime piece honey G.



  1. spoon
    May 13, 2011 10:14 am

    I can’t wait to see the first hardcore yinzer show up and sing a Donnie Iris tune.

  2. Virginia
    May 13, 2011 10:17 am

    I hope the Tornado! Tornado! kid auditions, because what finer display of the yinzer accent is there?

  3. Noelle
    May 13, 2011 11:01 am

    Tim’s gonna do it, I just asked him. Now you HAVE to do it, Tim… no excuses!

  4. bucdaddy
    May 13, 2011 11:09 am

    1. Does this mean Jennifer Lopez, Randy Jackson, and Steven Tyler will be in town?

    I have bad news for you. I’ve been to “Jeopardy!” auditions and I’m here to tell you they do not bring Alex Trebek. It’s three or four people you’ve never heard of unless you read the credits verrry carefully.

    So don’t get your hopes too high.

    Also, we’ve been told we have talent for so long we actually believe it, which is another lie we tell ourselves to get through the day.

    (Though, really, if it wasn’t so far beneath his dignity I’d suggest to Billy Price that he show up and blow everybody away.)

  5. Steverino
    May 13, 2011 12:05 pm

    My God, I thought we had escaped the scourge of American Idol. Guess the potential BIG STARS will be massing to salivate over a chance to be on TV because they want to be STARS and IDOLS!

  6. spoon
    May 13, 2011 2:22 pm

    @bucdaddy lets do a duet of Ebony and Ivory

  7. Spanky
    May 13, 2011 7:18 pm

    Osama is dead

  8. bucdaddy
    May 14, 2011 12:28 am


    Rather do a black and tan.

  9. Mirth
    May 14, 2011 1:12 am

    Glad to see you put GLENDALE in all caps, as it should be ;) Not that I live there currently, but it’s the first town in AZ that I lived in and I have fond memories.

  10. aunt_chilada
    May 14, 2011 11:37 am

    Glendale AZ?, might as well say Phoenix. AI auditions and hosting the Superbowl twice is really the only thing to note about Glendale.

    The first three levels of screenings are not put in front of the celebrity Judges. What we actually see are those that have been handpicked and then we don’t even see that much of those lucky few.
    Glad to know that the show has elected to hold auditions in Pittsburgh. Be prepared to camp overnight for your audition, it gets kinda crazy.

  11. TeeTee
    May 14, 2011 1:00 pm

    Does Kenny Chesney look like he is a family member of the people sitting on the porch in Deliverance?

  12. TripleC
    May 16, 2011 9:07 am

    My god is this going to be embarrassing!