Due to what Cat Specter says is a “contract issue,” the Post-Gazette will no longer be running the Cat’s Call advice column and as such is on the hunt for their new advice columnist, open to anyone.
First, I must marvel at the fact that there are still people who write to advice columnists, because in this Internet day and age, all one has to do is ask Yahoo! Answers.
All of your life’s problems can be solved with Yahoo! Answers.
Marital problems, dating problems, childrearing problems, baking problems, financial problems, even emo problems:
I’d like to “report abuse” to the English language, please. Is there a button for that?
Regardless, if you want to be the next freelance advice columnist for the Post-Gazette, this is the question you need to answer:
I work closely with a female colleague to the point that people in the office joke that we’re each other’s “work spouse.” That’s all we do — work together (honest!). But my wife is growing more and more jealous and is constantly making critical comments about this woman. When I come home after work, she blasts me with questions: What did we do today? Did we have lunch together? etc., etc. Her jealousy is causing undue strain in our marriage. Should I ask to be reassigned?
Gosh, forget the best responses; in this day of mangled English, I hope they share the worst ones.
“Plzzzzz who u think u foolin’, u cheeting bitchhh. Y you gotta say HONEST!? Like Shakespeare said, me thinks u r protestant 2 much. Ur dime piece is jelly ‘cuase u literally must be talkin’ ’bout yo work wife all da damn time and she don preciate that. U make dis mess, so yeah, you best assk 2 b reassigned … 2 tha dawg hawse where youse belong, bowwow. Mmmm-hmmm. K thnx.”