Moar weird newz!

Forgive me three posts in a row of weird news, but someone explain this one to me, please.

How does one get their hand stuck in an ATM?!


I’m trying to think of all the openings on an ATM. You’ve got the card sticker-inner, as it’s officially called, and you can’t fit a hand in there. You’ve got the receipt spitter-outer, as it is officially called, and you can’t fit your hand in there. You’ve got the cash spitter-outer, as it is officially called, and you cannot fit your hand in there. You’ve got the check deposit sucker-inner and you can’t fit your hand in there.

Perhaps the most confusing part of this whole thing is that it didn’t happen in Fayette County.

Ba-ba-bah! Try the veal!

P.S. I should get a job as a technical writer: “Insert your card into the card sticker-inner. Upon entering your secret code, the cash will come out of the cash spitter-outer and the receipt will come out of the receipt spitter-outer. Your card will then stick out of the card sticker-inner, which has now become the card spitter-outer. Get it?”



  1. Gina
    June 2, 2011 10:26 am

    Some ATMs (mostly older ones) have a cash spitter-outer which had a little door that would raise up before it spit out the money, then go down after you took the money out. Maybe it was one of those and the door closed on her hand.

  2. Marcy
    June 2, 2011 10:33 am

    Some of the older ATMS also had a little door you had to slide up to get deposit envelopes – maybe it was one of those? Also, note that I AM a technical writer and I often say things like “put the thingie in the doohickey.”

  3. inBrookline
    June 2, 2011 10:42 am

    Note that the crane machine game in Robinson Mall swallowed a small child earlier this year. I think the machines are starting to become self-aware in Robinson Township.

    Cue: AC/DC “Who Made Who”

  4. Virginia
    June 2, 2011 10:50 am

    Erin, thank you in advance for the nightmare I’m going to have tonight.

  5. Naten53
    June 2, 2011 10:58 am

    OMG what about the “Ice Cream truck Feud” in UNIONTOWN that just keeps getting weirder?

    Article from Friday says this guy tried to run the other ice cream truck off the road

    Article today says the same guy that tried to run the other off the road was arrested for assaulting his boss

  6. malbrec92
    June 2, 2011 11:08 am

    Nothing like an ice cream truck driver with anger issues to ruin a good business! Holy cow! Thanks for the update, Naten53!

  7. Paul
    June 2, 2011 11:13 am

    At least it wasn’t a dude. And it was just a hand stuck in the machine.

  8. Lisa
    June 2, 2011 11:18 am

    I am also a tech writer, originally from Fayette County! I’m a minimalist in my approach, so my instructions would be:

    Insert card. Enter secret code. Request cash. Retrieve cash, receipt, and card.

    My instructions would be accompanied by corny animated graphics.

    No need to confuse users with all those techy terms like sticker-inner or spitter-outer. Plus, you’ll save a fortune in translation costs with fewer words! :)

  9. Monty
    June 2, 2011 11:35 am

    I just don’t get it. All these people getting their hands stuck in ATM machines? Did their parents not know how to tell them not to or teach them right from wrong? I’m just soooo sick of other people and their refusal not to get their hands stuck in ATM machines and having no manners. There’s a little boy in the neighborhood who is 3 that runs around naked all summer getting his little weeper stuck in the ATM machine. It’s disgusting and makes everyone uncomfortable. His mom thinks it’s funny. I don’t.

  10. bucdaddy
    June 2, 2011 11:42 am

    Sticker-inner, spitter-outter … sticker-inner, spitter-outter … sticker-inner, spitter-outter …

    Whew, anyone else think it’s kind of hot in here?

  11. Jess
    June 2, 2011 11:43 am

    Maybe she’s a displaced Fayette Countian living in Allegheny. It’s possible, I’m one! :)

  12. Burgh Bird
    June 2, 2011 11:43 am

    Monty FTW!

  13. Ex-Pat Pittsburgh Girl
    June 2, 2011 12:19 pm

    @Monty, you’re bad!

  14. Cassie
    June 2, 2011 12:28 pm

    Monty. I shouldn’t laugh. But dammit, you made me.

  15. G-Man
    June 2, 2011 1:12 pm

    It would make more sense – well, sorta – if she had tried to lick the cash slot and got her tongue stuck.

  16. Dan (Not Onorato)
    June 2, 2011 1:35 pm

    @ 10 Monty-

    Dont forget about the peeing in the street like a feral cat too….its a winner!

  17. Monnie Keith
    June 2, 2011 3:23 pm

    As a technical writer I think you are being far too technical with your terms of sticker-inner and spitter-outer. I used more precise user-friendly terms like pushy slot and pully slot so that my users knew I was friendly and non-technical, i.e., dumb. I’m just saying…

  18. MattDC
    June 2, 2011 6:48 pm

    I was going to stay away from the ice cream truck caper, but since Naten53 brought it up again —

    I drove the Good Humor route in Brookline in the Summer of ’76. The guy with the Beechview route was always sneaking over to steal my best spots, resulting in a showdown of Bad Humored ice cream dorks in front of an elementary school. My clenched fists proclaimed “Get the hell out of my territory — these little bastards belong to me!” The tire iron in his hand retorted “I think you should be moving along to Dormont now.” The look on my face then replied “Yes, sir!”

    Concerning the assault on the boss, we had to buy our own ice cream and gas in the morning at the plant, and cash out when we got back at night. There was no upside to consuming the inventory. It was not unusual to get shorted by the manager for some bogus reason. The occasional spirited argument broke out, sometimes involving colorful epithets and a broken tooth — Uniontown seems to have taken it to a higher level.

    So I guess things don’t really change — they just move to Fayette County.

  19. Donna
    June 2, 2011 8:30 pm

    omg, I spit milk out on your sticker-inner and spitter-outer. Now I won’t be able to look an ATM in the eye anymore.

  20. gunnlino
    June 2, 2011 9:58 pm

    My first thought about getting ones hand stuck in an ATM ?
    You’re an asshole and a would be thief , however you’re not smart enough to know your hand will not fit into whatever slot you stick it into and therefore when you force it in it will not easily come out .

    Besides you’re also dumb enough to think the cash is reachable if you get your hand in there .