… coming soon to a theater near you!
Four Mercer County teenagers, some of them apparently Amish, are in Dutch with state police after they allegedly damaged a mailbox during a drunken Sunday night horse-drawn-cart ride.
According to a state police report, the four, ages 17 to 19, consumed alcohol and damaged property along Stockfarm Road in Lake. Police found the group when their cart became disabled along Hosack Road.
1. The next time someone asks me, “What is the most damage four drunk Amish teenagers could do with a horse-drawn-cart?” I will know with certainty that the answer is, “They could damage a mailbox.”
2. Do the Amish have traffic reports? “There’s a disabled horse-drawn cart along Hosack Road. Recommend you stay in and read your bible.”
3. When the police arrived, do you suppose the boys were so drunk they were laughing their butts off all, “OMG. I CAN’T EVEN REMEMBER THE BOOKS OF THE OLD TESTAMENT! WHAT COMES AFTER HABAKKUK?!”
4. I would pay good money to see a movie about Amish teenagers getting into drunken mischief. Snakes in the butter churn! Loosening the nails at the barn raising! Cattle tipping! Getting all the pigs drunk! Hide the bibles! Cut all the balls of yarn in half! Paint all the horses pink! Leave a cell phone laying out in the open!
Call it Jackass: Amish.