By reaching .500 ball last night on an Andrew McCutchen walk-off home run in the 12th inning (video here), the Pirates now have to go back six years to find the last time that happened this late in the season.
That’s not that long a time.
However — and please read that however like this: HOW.EVER!!!!!!!!!
This from MLB’s Jenifer Langosch:
If the Buccos win today, that’s the latest they’ve been OVER .500 ball since last century. Last millennium.
They win today; they’ve broken the curse. That’s how I’m looking at it, shut up thank you very much let me have this the bongo drums in my head are driving me so insane I’m considering puncturing my own ear drum. Today is important. We need everything we can to get this win.
We need prayer and fasting and juju and voodoo and balls on sticks and a double double toil and trouble brew of every gross thing you can find. If I may, start with cloacas.
We need to whip a million good Karma Boomerangs out there and pray that at least one of them returns to us with a Pirates win on its back.
We need to rub the Clemente Wall for luck and beseech the ghost of Robert Clemente, who once helped pull the Pirates out of years of humiliation.
Drape ourselves in the Jolly Roger. High-five the Pirate Parrot. Kick Steely McBeam in the nuts.
Any given year, a MLB team takes on the Pirates and they’re most likely all, “We’re playing the Pirates today. LOL. Let’s give ’em a pity run.”
This year, it’s probably more, “We’re playing the Pirates today. So … yeah. Let’s do this.”
We get this win and it will be, “We’re playing the Pirates today. The magnitude of their suck has been greatly diminished. Play to win.”
That’s how I’m looking at it. Yeah, it’s not playoff ball. Yeah, we’re getting this excited about simply being COMPETITIVE. But there’s a line where the suck ends and the not sucking begins and I’m saying that line is going to be crossed tonight. One win.
My bandwagon is filled to the top with drunk and raucous wenches and yinzers who may soon be able to take the rose-colored glasses off to find that the world of Pirates baseball is suddenly rose-colored all by itself.
Get on while there’s still room. I promise not to drink and drive, but it’s a horse-drawn wagon, so really, the worst I could do is damage a mailbox. I’ll aim for Lukey’s.
Let’s go, Bucs!
P.S. Bonus video of McCutchen being creamed following yesterday’s win: