Things that just became Things are still Things.

Things!

1. Let’s check in with free-range diaper-clad toddlers.

Yep. Still a Thing.

Police in Greensburg say a mother could face charges after her 2-year-old son was found outside overnight near the apartment building where he lives.

Authorities say it happened around 2:30 a.m. in the 200-block of Luzerne Street.

According to Greenburg police, officers were called to the area when at least two people reported hearing cries.

Police say the child was found lying in the grass and was reportedly only wearing a diaper.

No word yet on the clothing of this toddler found wandering on Route 30 in North Versailles yesterday.

This is the saddest Thing ever.

2. Let’s check in with horse-drawn conveyances with under the influence drivers, preferably Amish.

Yep. Still a Thing.

NEW CASTLE, Pa. — State police in Lawrence County said two drivers of a horse-drawn buggy were arrested after a crash with a car in Wilmington Township.According to police reports, Andy Byler, 21, and a 17-year-old girl were both holding the reins of a horse-drawn buggy when they pulled into the path of a car on Route 208 near Beagle Club Road.

Police said investigators determined that both people in the buggy were holding the reins at the time of the crash and both were under the influence of alcohol.

Now, granted this doesn’t say anything about the drivers being Amish, but I’m just going with it because it makes it more awesomererer-er.

3. Taser-resistance, still a Thing. No word yet if she was also drunk.

4. And finally, the only Thing that doesn’t seem to be a Thing anymore which is sad because it’s really the one Thing that I wanted to be a Thing forever.

The urban ninja.

No news. No sightings. No beer-bellied shadows scurrying about under the cover of night, clumsily leaping over cliffs.

Or maybe the reason we haven’t heard about them lately is because they’ve gotten BETTER at being ninjas.

Let’s say it’s that.

[awkward ninja moves]





10 Comments

  1. LisaB
    June 13, 2011 4:06 pm

    This free-range toddler Thing has gotten to be an epidemic! What the heck is going on? We never heard about so many in such a short time before. Must be something in the water.



  2. MJ
    June 13, 2011 4:46 pm

    It’s because wandering toddlers never used to be on the local news. It didn’t just start happening. People in neighborhoods used to look out for one another. Now they call the cops.



  3. Butcher's Dog
    June 13, 2011 4:48 pm

    The name Byler up here in Hickville is a dead giveaway; they were Amish. Guar-an-teed.



  4. Sheepthemoon
    June 13, 2011 5:04 pm

    I love the Taser story. According to the alleged victim’s account, the cops in Jeanette have used TJ Hooker as a training film.



  5. gunnlino
    June 13, 2011 6:06 pm

    Here’s hoping the coppers in Jannette have dash cams. That should go a long way towards settling the issue .



  6. Col
    June 13, 2011 6:34 pm

    Could the horse have been drunk?



  7. Mr. Pampers
    June 13, 2011 8:29 pm

    Good to see the kids aren’t butt ass naked.



  8. bucdaddy
    June 13, 2011 10:51 pm

    Are you getting items like 1 and 2 from AP? Because I think I recognize the bass-ackward style of writing, which is to tell us the consequence of the event first, and then tell us the event.



  9. Lisa
    June 14, 2011 7:48 am

    The ninjas are just waiting for a slow news day. Taser resistant, diaper wearing ninjas, you wait, their coming!



  10. AngryMongo
    June 14, 2011 8:22 am

    @gunnlino I think Penn Township uses Super Troopers.