Defender of dorks. King of dweebs. Most high muckety muck of goobers.
It’s a mullet. It’s a mustache. It’s a formal gown. It’s … Awkward Mulleteen!
Dear God of all that is holy.
With my mullet, tinted eyeglasses that I seem to have stolen from a giant, and costume clip-on earrings, from the neck up, I look like Doris, a 55-year-old bingo-playing cat lady from McKeesport. From the neck down, I look like an 1880s Mormon on her wedding day.
Business in the front. Party in the back.
Bingo on the top. Sister-wife on the bottom.
Add it all together and that’s worth $500 for kids with cancer.
I’ll let you know what your $1,000 reward is very soon. I promise it will be worth every single penny you donate and every single smile you put on a kid with cancer’s face.