Update: I forgot I wanted to include in this post that if you’re interested in joining the Race/Walk, you can register at the event on Saturday morning. Following the race/walk, there is family fun to be had at Irwin Park with tons of booths set up with games, auctions, live music, activities, concessions, prizes and more! My kids had a blast last year.
As I mentioned earlier today before my site went down on account of me not renewing my domain name on account of WHY DOES MY BUTLER TRUST ME WITH STUFF LIKE THAT?
I should finish my thought. As I mentioned earlier today, we reached our goal of $2,000 raised for Genre’s Kids with Cancer Fund, surpassing it to reach $2,140.
First, thank you for donating! Thank you so much for finding it a worthy cause.
I bet you thought there was no reward. Well there is a reward. A reward to the tune of FIVE, yes FIVE pictures of the Dork That Was.
The first two are a series, so when I sell these someday to the Smithsonian, I will charge double for this peek into my late 80s years.
Click all photos for embiggens. Because Dork is better embiggened. That’s what I’ll have put on my gravestone.
This is me, my sister Tina Fey, and her friend playing beauty shop one night during a sleepover in my parents’ basement. I THINK we are playing beauty shop.
Who has called me? Why am I shocked? Why has Tina Fey fallen asleep? Why is she wearing sunglasses at night? What are those things in her hair? Is Jen sporting a faux hawk? Does she know the rat tail doesn’t go on the side of your face but at the nape of your neck? That’s just basic Trailer 101 right there. Does she know you’re supposed to put mousse on wet hair? Do they even make those mini hairdryers anymore? Do they even make hair spray that just has the words HAIR SPRAY printed in giant ass letters anymore? Instead you have to hunt around the bottle to find out if you’re buying hairspray, spray hair gel, curl volumenizer, frizz minimizer, color booster, or pee of goat.
Clearly in this photo, I have taken the reins of the camera to document … weirdness.
Tina Fey has awoken from her slumber to find her hair in a mullet and her sunglasses stolen by my friend who needed MOAR HAIRSPRAY. Why is Jen playing the violin? She must be high. Also, that magazine? That ad on the back is for a cassette tape company. You just pick like ten cassettes of awesome music, mail them a check, and they would SEND THE CASSETTES TO YOU IN THE MAIL, WHIPPERSNAPPERS.
The freaking mail.
Anyway, worst beauty shop ever. I think they use roofies there.
Again, my sister Tina Fey who is going to PANTS ME TO HELL for sharing this picture, but whatever, I like to think of this as the first photobomb. Like the first step on the moon, only dorkier.
Once again, I look 55-years-old. Give me a B-I-N-G-O!
Next up, since I’m such a trendsetter, I thought you’d want to see my hair in a banana clip.
Let me know if you need any pointers on how to get your mullet to look as awesome as mine does in a banana clip!
Finally, this isn’t me, but is again Tina Fey, who after pantsing me to hell is going to freeze my bra and hit me so hard with a pillow I’ll poop feathers for a week. Worth it to show you this:
I’m sharing this picture because she is standing in the bedroom we shared, in front of my closet door. This is 1989. I was 15. Space and flight obsessed. Look at all that stuff!
Do you see to the left of Tina’s head that amazing artwork I made by myself? The stunning images. The poignant words.
REACH FOR THE SKY, you guys.
Reach. For the sky.
They’re going to make a Lifetime movie about me someday. Moments in Dork: The Virginia Montanez Story.
Thanks for donating!