Shut up, LaMarr Woodley.

Notes:

1. WE REACHED OUR GOAL! Post on that coming up later!

2. The site is experiencing some “wonkiness” according to my butler. He’s keeping an eye on it. [swishes cape and runs off in dramatic fashion]

_______________________________________________

If I publish this post and the gods of Fate hear the click of the mouse, shriek their undead shriek while prehistoric creatures fly out of their mouths, and then curse the Pirates so hard that not only do the Buccos lose every remaining game this season, but somehow the commissioner finds a way to negate previous wins resulting in the Pirates finishing 2011 with a 2-160 record, I apologize.

But last night’s game was too awesome not to talk about.

(Just as I wrote that, my site went down, as if the gods of Fate are warning me. I spit in the face of that omen.)

First, this from MLB’s Jenifer Langosch:

BAM.

Of note last night was of course Cutch’s 3-run homer, Walker tying it up in the bottom of the ninth with a solo homer, this sweet sliding catch by Xavier Paul, this saved bobble by Brandon Wood, and the most amazing catch by Andrew McCutchen.

You seriously need to watch McCutchen’s clip. I would embed that video but the MLB is a giant tight-butted content-hoarder that does not allow embedding of recent highlight videos.

You see whoever that is in left field, I’m guessing Tabata, making a valiant effort to run down the ball wherein “valiant” means “elderly turtle-like.”

You see McCutchen running at a normal speed at first, and then, like, he just clicks some switch all, ‘I guess I will now exert the full athletic ability at my disposal” and suddenly he’s running like a thoroughbred that’s been kicked in the ass with a fire poker. And then you watch them running. Tabata is all “I think I can, I think I can, I think I can,” while McCutchen is all [six million dollar man sounds].

“I think I can. I think I can!”

“BrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR”

“I think I can. I … just … can’t.”

“BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR [GRABS IT OUT OF THIN AIR]”

And then Pujols is PISSED and I am running around my living room high-fiving random shit and my twitter feed is blowing up:

 

And then there’s LaMarr Woodley right in the thick of it:

When I read that tweet, I paused in my high-fiving of my couch and I was all, “STFU, LAMARR.”

But then I calmed down and tweeted him quite nicely. I even put a smiley face on it! But that smile didn’t reach my eyes because inside I was still all STFU.

Moments later, GFJ puts an end to the game with a walk-off one-bounce-into-the-river homer.

 

(AP photos)

Buccos win!

So what did we learn today, Internet?

1. The gods of Fate dine on prehistoric animals and vomit them up whole when they are angry.
2. LaMarr Woodley has poor timing.
3. Andrew McCutchen might be bionic and he’s doing a terrible job of hiding it.
4. I will probably never shush a Steeler again except maybe my self-united husband Daniel Sepulveda. “Shhhh. Just sit there and let me look at you.”
5. I have never in my whole life wanted so badly to run my fingers through Garrett Jones’ hair.

Amen.

 





11 Comments

  1. Ex-Pat Pittsburgh Girl
    August 17, 2011 10:38 am

    As soon as Garrett swung the bat, you just knew it was out of there. I, too, commented to my empty apartment that it sure would be nice to run my fingers through his hair! Let’s get the sweep!



  2. Ex-Pat Pittsburgh Girl
    August 17, 2011 11:07 am

    Also, while on the topic of running fingers through hair, Brandon Wood also has some really nice locks to consider.



  3. bluzdude
    August 17, 2011 2:04 pm

    Lets just hope you don’t find Lamarr Woodley, one day, lined up in your living room, ready to sweep around the end of your couch and catch you from the blind side. You might fumble the remote.



  4. spoon
    August 17, 2011 3:18 pm

    I gets perfect the english on twitter whens I tweets.



  5. bucdaddy
    August 17, 2011 3:48 pm

    Hit a home run and your team wins for a day.

    Spend $17 million in the draft and your team might win for a decade.



  6. Christina
    August 17, 2011 4:17 pm

    That is not the most amazing picture of Garrett Jones :)

    Reminds of exactly one week ago when I whispered to my Giants gear wearing coworker down at AT&T Park that GJ is my fave player (coworker looked amused … which was understandable THAT day *ARGH*) while I was zooming in his butt ;)

    http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-3uVAbCnEriQ/TkaZFSDuFYI/AAAAAAAAAko/efe_r73lvEU/s1600/baseball_46.jpg

    BTW … I could get really used to the Bucs winning even if they forgot to let me be part of it and lost my game (and only MY game *ARGH*) in San Francisco.



  7. Christina
    August 17, 2011 4:18 pm

    Where is my mind? I meant to say … this IS the most amazing picture of GJ.

    Damn jetlag *cry*



  8. unsatisfied
    August 17, 2011 6:23 pm

    dear garrett jones:

    please keep doing that.

    sincerely,
    unsatisfied



  9. Mark
    August 17, 2011 10:22 pm

    I am blaming you. seriously, you thought the baseball gods weren’t listening?



  10. Ex-Pat Pittsburgh Girl
    August 18, 2011 12:37 pm

    @Christina – I’m happy to learn I’m not the only one who points these things out and takes similar pictures. Isn’t that why they make cameras with 26X zoom in the first place?



  11. JennyMoon
    August 18, 2011 2:12 pm

    so glad you are back. Hysterical!