1. WE REACHED OUR GOAL! Post on that coming up later!
2. The site is experiencing some “wonkiness” according to my butler. He’s keeping an eye on it. [swishes cape and runs off in dramatic fashion]
If I publish this post and the gods of Fate hear the click of the mouse, shriek their undead shriek while prehistoric creatures fly out of their mouths, and then curse the Pirates so hard that not only do the Buccos lose every remaining game this season, but somehow the commissioner finds a way to negate previous wins resulting in the Pirates finishing 2011 with a 2-160 record, I apologize.
But last night’s game was too awesome not to talk about.
(Just as I wrote that, my site went down, as if the gods of Fate are warning me. I spit in the face of that omen.)
First, this from MLB’s Jenifer Langosch:
Of note last night was of course Cutch’s 3-run homer, Walker tying it up in the bottom of the ninth with a solo homer, this sweet sliding catch by Xavier Paul, this saved bobble by Brandon Wood, and the most amazing catch by Andrew McCutchen.
You seriously need to watch McCutchen’s clip. I would embed that video but the MLB is a giant tight-butted content-hoarder that does not allow embedding of recent highlight videos.
You see whoever that is in left field, I’m guessing Tabata, making a valiant effort to run down the ball wherein “valiant” means “elderly turtle-like.”
You see McCutchen running at a normal speed at first, and then, like, he just clicks some switch all, ‘I guess I will now exert the full athletic ability at my disposal” and suddenly he’s running like a thoroughbred that’s been kicked in the ass with a fire poker. And then you watch them running. Tabata is all “I think I can, I think I can, I think I can,” while McCutchen is all [six million dollar man sounds].
“I think I can. I think I can!”
“I think I can. I … just … can’t.”
“BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR [GRABS IT OUT OF THIN AIR]”
And then Pujols is PISSED and I am running around my living room high-fiving random shit and my twitter feed is blowing up:
And then there’s LaMarr Woodley right in the thick of it:
When I read that tweet, I paused in my high-fiving of my couch and I was all, “STFU, LAMARR.”
But then I calmed down and tweeted him quite nicely. I even put a smiley face on it! But that smile didn’t reach my eyes because inside I was still all STFU.
Moments later, GFJ puts an end to the game with a walk-off one-bounce-into-the-river homer.
So what did we learn today, Internet?
1. The gods of Fate dine on prehistoric animals and vomit them up whole when they are angry.
2. LaMarr Woodley has poor timing.
3. Andrew McCutchen might be bionic and he’s doing a terrible job of hiding it.
4. I will probably never shush a Steeler again except maybe my self-united husband Daniel Sepulveda. “Shhhh. Just sit there and let me look at you.”
5. I have never in my whole life wanted so badly to run my fingers through Garrett Jones’ hair.